if it were up to me,
i'd wear pyjamas all day
but
social convention dictates,
that while taking the minutes,
of the meeting for
the arts faculty directorate,
thats NOT okay.

if it were up to me,
i'd wear pyjamas all day.
but my boss says,
it might be
difficult to tell a phd student NO to a grant application,
in a bath robe festooned with purple hippos drinking tea.

if it were up to me,
i'd wear pyjamas all day.
but
my husband tells me, POLITELY,
that jeggings,
are not best suited to my ruebenesque frame.

if it were up to me ....
but
apperently it's not.
.....so black pants cream shirt and vest it's to be

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
Those words take back all the progress I’ve ever made.
My feelings are invalid because they are irrational.
Apperently having depression means that any emotion is dangerous
Apperently being medicated for it means that your negative emotions are a mistake.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My mother slaps when I’m not laughing singing and smiling at Breakfast.
Yes, I’m just calm.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My father shoots when I slam my door after an intense argument  
Yes, I’m just angry.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My friend spits when I cry over a deep broken heart
Yes, I’m just sad.

“Did you take your meds this morning?”
My brother taunts when I can’t talk to the cashier at Walmart
Yes, I’m just nervous.

Medications regulate emotions.
Medications do not erase emotion.
Emotions are valid, organic or controlled.

the small meaness of it
shocked me,  really in
this day and age
you would think
we had worked our way
past this sort of petty thinking

but no, apperently there are still
social neanderthals out there
who, when seeing some one different
have to poke fun at them,

before i could voice my outrage
at their actions my boy came
to the defense of his friend
standing up and calmly saying
difference is good, if we were all bullies
like you...then the world would be horrible
then taking the hand of his friend
he turned his back on the instigators
and walked back over to me

never have i been prouder

apperently time didn't stop
it's winter soon
but not the winter we thought it would be
single instead of married
i think we're better of this way
you know, lovers are lyers
love likes to be blind
we didn't belong together
but we forgot to look for the things we didn't want to see
you tried to control me
was always angry
i tried to manipulate you
anything to not loose you
i'm thankful for the crazy way you broke up with me
at least now it is over
you'll never tell me again what not to do
i'll no longer believe anything you say
hé, whatever you say, i don't even hear it
i couldn't even reach you if i wanted to
i guess that's good
i'm starting to like being single again
every future is possible
everything but you!

I was diagnosed with depression today
apperently doctors lie too
and it's not too hard to make them do that

I was diagnosed with depression today
allready i'm reshaping those words
turning them into something i will not believe, but use

I was diagnosed with depression today
So now, everything is not my fault
I hold my diagnose up like a shield
now find someone else, to blame

i wish I did not
have the taste of
burnt dust always
on my tongue

i wish  i could go
one day without
tears in my eyes

to turn on the tv
and not see another
burnt out bouse  or
ravaging flames

i wish i did not
have to thank
volunteer fire fighters
those who risk themselves
daily to help others

i wish i did not silently weep
for the future of this land
as it goes up in flame
as flora and fauna
become extinct
in one terrible day

i wish i could get
the burnt dust smell
out of my house,
my clothes,
my nose and mouth

but apperently, this..
this new catastrophe
is the new norm around here

Hello
This is my introduction
Of me

My name is that of a flower
My name is Daffodil
A choice made by
My mother

I was born when all flowers bloom
Into the world
When all things warm up again

My past isn't bright
Like the month I was born
It's dark and cold
As if I was stuck in a never ending
December

Regardless of my past
I remain resiliant
And hopeful
Of all the things to come

My favorite colours are
White
Pink
And orange
But I walk the halls wearing mostly
Shades of yellow

I have many friends
And blend in among all types
Of crowds
Shining bright as can be
Spreading sheerful smiles
Among everybody

I tend to tuck myself away among friend groups
That have already been established
They appreciate my company
For they say I keep the pests away
With my cheerful display

I have unfortunately earned the nickname of daffy
But people say they like it
Because it dulls me down a bit
And apperently I need that

So hello
This is me
I hope one day we meet