I wrote my life on a 3x5
Tacked it on my bulletin board
And stared at it
The shock of being defined
By ten lines of slanted script
Was rivaled by the shock of my apathy
I guess the whole point of living a lie
Is keeping it short enough
To remember the truth

A student of mine wrote me a note
on the blank side of a 3x5
index card
and she hugged me goodbye.
Another went home and built a telescope,
and he sent me pictures
of the pieces along the way,
apart and together like an array
of Martian images coming in
from the Opportunity in a
pixelated panoramic display.
I told him about lenses
and the human eye,
about why stars will always look
pointed unless we get close enough
to really see them and he said-
I’ll try.

(today)he talked a whole
lot and i only listened
till i realized that stupid
satillo blanket was over
my knees and you tacked
that little 3x5 dia de los
muertos card beneath
my corkboard and
wrapped me up
(14 months ago.)

Asleep in math class, not me, the matrices
Nobody cares about them it seems,
They lie, tucked in, drowsy between the textbook pages of more important chapters
But today, I finally saw the magic in them
The numbers dance
You can take two matrices, written in powdery chalk,
On the smooth, green ballroom floor on the wall
And watch, as if underwater, all is murmurs, all music
Comprehension of a different sort than paying attention
As the entries shift and multiply and add
Moving, sliding, locking into place like Tetris
And only some partners are compatible, and only under certain circumstances
2X3 and 3X5 meet in the middle, merge and mutate into 2X5
Two become one, each bringing their differences to the ball
New dimensions
Translating, the rows become columns and the whole constellation
Spins, twirling, kaleidoscope
Square matrices waltz
Others salsa and tango
Slowing, slowing, sinking into the final dip
Finding identity
1     0     0
0     1     0
0     0     1

to you,

I'm writing a letter for you
keep these words close
lend these images solely
to those mismatched times

i speak with not much grace,
drink water in due respect -
look away yet return,
to your company.

equivocally
i wrote these words
on scattered note cards
learning from the floor
on what should be said
as each possibility
seemingly aligned

i threw away
these 3x5 letters
endearingly followed
by sincerely,

but clearly
i have thought
too much
worried little
than usual

perhaps,
a meal
at your leisure
with my words
now infront of you

but truly
in regards,
to that smile

I try to not to feel lonely
when you're talking to your friends,
a huge smile on your face,
laughter coating the words you speak,
your eyes crinkling like they do
when you're overjoyed about something.

I try not to feel self conscious
when you don't touch me like you used to.
You no longer hold me to your chest
like I'm something precious from a dream,
which you desperately try to cling on to.
You never look at me,
at my body,
with stars in your eyes
and fire at your fingertips.

I try to not feel jealous when I see you
with a glowing screen accenting your plump lips,
which are smirking at an irrelevant post,
but that I want kissing my own.
And those eyes of yours I've gotten lost in
too many times to count,
focusing solely on your 3x5 screen,
with me wishing, hoping, praying
you'll look at me again with even just an ounce
of the love we had.

I try not to be selfish
when I ask how your day was
listen to your, "It was absolute ****," rant
and then wait into the early hours of the morning
for you to ask me if I'm alright.



Because I'm not.....

Sohcahtoa and the Right Brothers, happens to be after the last thing
I thought before today, if that's okay, see if it changed anything.
(8/5/2024) - i test a test if I e-be living word religamented

Saturday, October 21, 2017
12:18 PM

My grandsons have noticed a book on my shelf dedicated, thirty years ago, to them.
To my children's children.
I sowed the seed I had,
hoping true as any adapted
to the whole truth dust-class person,
equipped with AI he wrote, on 3x5's,
Notes, and by words,
maxims and pro-verbs, motive forms for filing.
Aim at nothing,
and you cannot miss.
Peace, peace at last. praise - appraise,
what is the redemption value on idle hallelujahs?

Any thing the mind of adamkind, wombed or un,
can conceive, with early literacy and numeracy.
- early
the effort to learn one useful thing, each day.
In a universe… all verses versus one verse, re
versals of fortune,
storms and waves and earth quakes, but

when the sky falls, history reboots, no plan survives/
first contact.
-- all earthlings are born to die,
none are born to serve another as tools for stealing time,
I'm the blacksmith's jinn.
I was fasted free, and a seeker sent a zephyr, a gentle
westerly, lovely spiraling cloud, stretching a train of ice,
in a pattern no cloud ever formed at this scale, sky-wide,
crystalization, piezo electrically ultra itty bity wee tiny
qubit, thought spark, ping

in mind, each time one thing is realized. Where an evil dare was met.
First war is won, when the loser choses not to fight.

"Losers like you," he said, to me. I self-evaluated, and agreed, grinning, I think.

It will work I say to me. The seed has died, roots and branches live, fruit will not fail.
These boys can read, no chain can bind them, only lies.

Some stories I learned as a daydreaming child
are now cropping on the backroads of
My memory with Rhodes scholars
and Zimbabwe Mercs never gentle on my mind.

But you go on
thinking there's no spiritual side to lying,
and stealing and destroying, killing
Any sort of faith a child may have that truth can be told by someone old.

You go on.
I got snakes to stomp and I threw my hat over the fence a long time ago.

This very morning I found a break in a fence. I did not go back for my hat. That was forty years ago.

Some little thing makes man a measuring calculating thing, what is that? Exactly?

And now we have tools in our pockets that can record HD video and audio
a hundred times better than the best video or audio recorder on earth forty years ago,
If your ear can't hear the groove, smoother than any bit-ified digitization,
It's subtle, hard to put a finger on it, but digital music ain't Memorex and
Memorex never was live.
Memory is other wise,
Memory is live.
Note to self.

Hey, you, listening? Hearing any thing?

I woke up this morning and you were on my mind. What joy.
I walked a mile in my old shoes and got to see a herd of Honda two-wheelers
On Sunrise Highway.
Strange breed of men, they augment
themselves with shiny-candy-apple-metal-flaked armor, and
drive around in parades of thirty or
More old fat guys and their wives on Hondas,
wearing Harley Davidson belt buckles.

Off on a tangent opposite the adjacent highway,
A man 20 years my junior asks if I saw Icarus  fall.

What?
He said did I see a kiter fall, a hang-glider apparently he had
Thought he'd seen fall in to my valley.

I thought "Icarus", I don't know why. Then I heard shooting.
Earphones on, J.M. Roberts, "History of Europe" louder than the wind,
Still
I heard shooting, where shooting seemed
Overkill.
Life on the border. 'Cause signs mean nothing.

But no. It's turkey season. And I am
Down range.

Sohcahtoa*, what the math! Man, they are shooting at me
Buckshot Bam!
And I slip in to that dream
I saw Icarus fall. The Right brothers shot him down
In a Sopwithme Camel flown by a Flying Tiger with
God for a co-pilot over Shangri-La.

No lie. A daydream on a tangent adjacent the opposite.

• BTW Learn something every day… gives one reason to carry on…
"SOHCAHTOA" is a helpful mnemonic
for remembering the definitions
of the trigonometric functions sine, cosine, and tangent i.e.,
sine equals opposite over hypotenuse,
cosine equals adjacent over hypotenuse,
and tangent equals opposite over adjacent. Check.

From <http://mathworld.wolfram.com/SOHCAHTOA.html>


Bottom line lies.
There is a god like the one in American politics.

Adamkind invented him, and Cain's kind invented
adamkind father wound anxiety disorder,
AFWAD, it is in the unabridged edition
Dia-gnostic Statistical Meme-infectual, effectuality

instant in prayer,
a state, in time, a point, really,  whereafter more
is known.
Given auto-did-act-learned-know, chose next.

And this was my choice.
Make peace with that.

Based on an original idea.
An old man is called out from his hermitage.
- he pauses to consider,
- seeing Pleiades
- with the James Webb Telescope…
- And inviting Galileo to take a look.
- via SYTF morphic resonance,
- ping.

He calls all the outs to come in free.
He calls the idle words
to whip poets
into frenzy…
faster fasting, slow dancing, offering a time,

to hold a promise,
a known called an ever lasting truth,
"as above, so below."

Mandlebrotian micromanagement of sun
and wind and tides…

too many minds with no will free to make war.

Thus peace was made in my valley today.

Castes and classes,
common, characters… baser sorts,

untouchable's… serving our better natures

cooled some, since 2017, but in the book
of your life, subset in the big book of life,
on your pages, it says you read this at least
seven very productive years later, FYI,

incase idle word accounting asks for evidence.
Show them those pages while you are seeking
the next best thing to do with time spent here.

How do you capture happiness?
Is it in cups of coffee or hot chocolate?
Is it in photos of grins spread so wide they fill the 3x5?
How do you capture love?
Is it in their smile?
Is it in their arms?
How do you capture peace?
In the moments so still the oxygen in your chest sounds like a dragon?
In the rain?
----------------------------------------------
How do I capture happiness?
In writing.
In my smile (though its been a while since I've seen it).
How do I capture love?
In books.
In the smiles of friends.
How do I capture peace?
I don't know, could you show me?