Poetry be a vehicle

For me it's transported me from that dismal place of days so Grey
Their hue so dark became the tarmac for life's emotional highway

For writing be a vehicle taken us through many a dreary day

Then it dropped me at a the curb of happiness
I only needed to step out
To run down its pathways through color filled gardens
Roses n tulips be where grimace and decay once resided
Melodies and laughter now replacing tears n sorrow
I saw love as a fallacy now a possibility
Poetry be a vehicle

Mine be a chariot with gold n silver
Now boasting hope n joy out proudly

No more just getting from point a to b  I stop and smell them roses and love life's journey

For poetry be a vehicle

I had/have a dream how those great speaches start (Martin Luther King jnr) (Nelson Mandela)

Oh not to steal from their glory but I'd say I too dream!

A dream of a life where we needn't be  bothered by treachery and deciet!

A dream of a life where violence ceesed to exist!

A dream where love meant just what it should

A dream where there were only true's
No false box to tick

A dream where I would be seen the same whether I arrived on a donkey or a Leer jet

But these just be dreams!

What a glorious ponder maybe induced coma be a option?
At least my heart can reside there whilst I dream!

Oh dream on
©

I've often heard it said you need to love yourself in order to love someone else,

Yet we with little thought, for those we love❤️ sacrifice all!

That be good! as long as the sacrifice made brings you joy!

However on the contrary we allow the mundane needs of others be the sacrifice of our happiness, pleasing others or at times just to avoid criticism or conflict.

This being said being considerate to others needn't fall away, yet be it a sacrifice to your happiness or wellbeing, then take stock of your needs wants goals, and first make sure they remain achievable!

All the time be YOU! never waiver there !

Be true and be true to yourself first, and if being true wasn't a priority that be positive change to administrator!

Others will either fit in or sacrifice (the same rules apply to them too!)

So be True!

Be Happy!

Be Loving! (for you can't fight love)

But most of all be

You!!!!
©

An experience par none
With hunger far more than lust
Insatiably I want to devour
With a drive far more than just passion! For these carnal desires are soul fed!
I pondered if I misbehaved in anyway couldn't keep my hands at bay always yearning to touch!
With a need to see the pleasure overload! and wow even just being normal I can't!
Just one look in those eyes and I have desires in an instant all bottled up at once that I'm sure most only have over a lifetime!
Now to contain my hunger to stop insanity rolling in! (drive me crazy) an understatement I'm certain  Well at least till our next soul feast!©

If I could only turn back time
I’d do most of it the same but I know my mistakes
I’d improve of course!
But mostly hearts I’ve hurt
If possible I’d do things better there
More time with my loved ones
If only I could!
And of course cut out those who do only but take from you!
I can if you allow me to direct the future better though sure we can get a lot out still
We are never certain of tomorrow!
We need to secure today!
Don’t discard of time you could have done so much more with!
Be extravagant with those words I love you!
But more than that show them as much!
Spend it wisely and  extravagantly on those who really matter!
I know I have that in my heart I hope I get to fulfill it in my life to come!
Oh if only Could I know I Can!
©️

Output determines altitude!

As would the gauge of the hole determine how fast the ship would sink!

©

Wow see that bright light
With beauty, So radiant, so true
We all have this ability
Yet so  few really do
Its that beautiful gift
Passing friendly glances
We show lovingly to some
Oh what a beautiful gift

A room full of happy kids could be seen as shimmering stars
Smiles across the floor
If we wore ours as children do
Wouldn’t we shimmer too?

Oh smile what a beautiful gift
Don’t let it go to waste
Just smile and shine from within
©

Oh so much so it’s a place, a time, a destination and a goal
It be where we should reside

When you walk into my home I want you to feel it!
When you look at me my heart will show it! For happy is where my heart resides!

Happy I need for me first!
If those that hearts are set in unhappiness they need know it remains their choice!

My Happiness is mine! no one else can steal it or navigate it!
I am the captain of this ship!

Oh happiness is mine!
I own it’s title deed

As a lush garden I aim to keep it in bloom!
So who ever should visit even a fleeting moment in my life! Should know happiness be mine!
©

When evening falls
Where once was light is now dark

As with the heart

‘‘Twas a place to leave your mark

Was it not happiness I sought?

Yet darkness you brought!

Pondering this as birds pass by, songs in flight!
I...

I come to realize ‘‘twas never yours!

My happiness be mine!

Now knowing this I’ll not give up happiness nor fight!

For negative be negative! I’ll have not that!

That sinister trait!

Your dark won’t be!

For its light for me!!!!!
©

As lockdown pursues the hours of day five many a moment to ponder!
Most will seek that missing link, yes the link the one that they know is not in their lives! A lot not sure what it is!
It be a relationship with Jesus, a step back into our faith, knowing he died for Me and You! or meeting him for the first time! the wonderful event  of being saved!  
With all my heart and soul I pray all I the people I know and love and multitudes more gain this wonderful loving relationship and tremendous event of being born again!
Along with these thoughts I ponder I identify those logs in my own eye as I look at the world for the splinter in theirs!
I realize with much lament those I wronged or have been wronged by myself as with them would probably not get the opportunity of expressing this! So all I can do is in my heart forgive and pray the same in return!

God Bless our world!
Much love to all!
©️

Out of nowhere Air Supply’s  song jingles in my mind,

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you!
Too often I’ve felt that throbbing inside! Truth be told it took a whole lot of hurting to realize we can’t rely on anyone but ourselves for that happiness and once we truly happy alone then a partner either fits in or not if they do it can only only compliment that in harmony!
Must say it be a awesome thing to have that harmony on a permanent basis, but I know I won’t fall apart without it !
Hmmm what a waste! me the hopeless romantic hahaha yeah why else do I only hear the poetry in music?
©

Sitting on a deck watching the rain over the river I can’t help and ponder!
After a weeks worth of days mostly filled with rain,
And the pitter patter on the roof hardly even noticeable.
Brings me to think how we always complain it’s too hot or it’s too cold and,and, and!
Instead of embracing what we have we seek the negatives!
Is this how we as humans were made?
Or is it our choice ?
We have to see that for every situation, no matter how grave it may seem or how much we are at a loss, there is always a positive to every negative!
We just need to start embracing the positives!
Life is Good!
Life is as beautiful as you want to see it!
For if I wanted to be short sighted, I would have only seen the rain drops on the water!
Yet there be so much more!
©

Hardly through this nightmare!
Haven’t even left yet!
And she’s lining the next culprit up ?

How do you ignore the wounds here today
ready to let someone in!
You in a vulnerable time
So easy to say just what you want to hear!

But more than than
If your hearts on the line should you not allow it to heal learn and grow stronger?

Oh I know the vulnerable turns to lonely and the lonely turns to miserable!

But we stronger than we allow ourselves to believe!

Our happiness belongs to us
We determine our own happiness
So although a partner who is well matched
Can compliment the person you are and make you happier
But first it’s happy you should be already!
©️

Life be awesome
Oh yeah we have our ups and downs
But life is a short little adventure we get on earth!
Best to live life to the fullest!
Love true!
Love with all you are!
Be your greatest!
Forget those who don’t appreciate you!
Surround yourself with people who lift you up!
Who you can look up to and aspire to grow with!

Life is beautiful!
Embrace it and tell those you love, how much they mean to you, at every opportunity!

When asked how old I am at birthdays
My reply be, I’m not!
I am 47 years young!

The way we look at life be as the sentiment of the Glass be it half full? Or half empty?

Are we busy dying?
Or busy living?

Yes love life!
For its Yours!
©

Time spreads thin
Memories grow dim
Life goes on they say
Trying to keep hurt at bay
Miss you we do
Feeling lost
Empty at times
Hurts more at times as these
But you my friend in our hearts always you reside
©

Reckless and ruthless
Like a pit filled with vipers
They lash out
At most far more brutal!
These vicious serpents have no match!
For there be no blade as sharp as the toungue!
Slicing our hearts to shreds
Or demoralizing our souls so we could wish against existence!

Astonishingly they be the the kindest at times
Even Producing melodious harmonies
Or swooning our hearts as if sweat nectar to taste

But give them a chance and they will show you severe agony and pain!

Beware of the tongue
For you have one too!
©

Eyes on fire
Her beauty ablaze
With heart of gold
True and bold
Rare find I'm sure
But beyond her beauty
It be her heart to amaze!
©️

Society today be mere puppets at play
Led by there noses what media should portray
A negative society!
With it's morals in decay!
Oh but it be our choice where to tender our time,
Open the good book and read of pure joy!
Your father in heaven
Has better news for you yet
For this he gave his life
Without any grimace
Yes how awesome be that news!!
No matter how often I hear it
I find myself in awe!
He died for me and you!  
Wow how special are we!
That the Son of God has washed our sins clean! And set us free!
In awe I stand!
Thank you Jesus!
©️

A new venture of the heart
I climb out this protective shell
To once again explore the dark caverns where our hearts us do lead!
Where we often fall prey to our weaker side
They called emotions
Often they be poisoned or attacked by the cancerous Big scary monsters
Deciet
Dishonesty
Treacherous they be in all their forms
Some Dont survive
We never be as before
Hmmm
Scary places our hearts us do lead

They say nothing ventured nothing gained!
No pain no gain!

But I'm no child and I chose her for her heart!
As I once again put mine on the line
Seems like a sure bet!
Well then I'm going all in!
For the jackpot, all in I say!
©️

We live our lives in trust
Give out our heart to many
To Friends, family, loves colleagues and many others
But truly only few who deserve us
And the many who take for granted and just use us
They lay rot to our hearts
Stealing away our ability to eagerly give lovingly

An innocence in trust fueled and blinded by love for them
A beautiful trait mostly?
Or a weak flawed character?
They tarnish our hearts as if leaving blemishes that slowly turn into stone!

No weak we are not being of pure heart and lovingly give thereof,
It be thier character that’s weak
We need know there demure
So for them we can turn those stone blemished hearts to their court

But need not allow  ourselves to be less for our hearts we can keep pure and true!
We will often run to their aid but call on them and  you will age waiting!
It be only a few who hold out hearts true!
Stand strong and alone you will know who you can rely, when absolutely necessary!

Don’t miss a moment to praise those  
For those truly worth
Love, a true accomplishment worth bragging about,
let them know and sing Their praises!
They be not to be labeled that tarnished name, (friend) no they hold a far greater unsaid name boasting in our hearts, love!
For the handful at most they be
They be of us! and our own!
Happy not just a state of mind, for it be a place
Oh so much so it’s a place, a time, a destination and a goal
It be where we should reside

When you walk into my home I want you to feel it!
When you look at me my heart will show it! For happy is where my heart resides!

Happy I need for me first!
If those that hearts are set in unhappiness they need know it remains their choice!

My Happiness is mine! no one else can steal it or navigate it!
I am the captain of this ship!

Oh happiness is mine!
I own it’s title deed

As a lush garden I aim to keep it in bloom!
So who ever should visit even a fleeting moment in my life! Should know happiness be mine!
©

To prosper in life, for many would mean,
Wealth
Status
Career
And so the list will stretch on!

My hearts desires achieved would they also not deem me prosperous?

So to be me the true prosperity be,
My faith to show fruits of what i'd love to achieve for my Jesus!

My family bond
Hearing I love you
And saying it often too
Our loved ones gladness in hearing from us, wow it be paycheck never turned down!
Knowing my love is endeared and never taken for granted! I love true and with all I am!
Often leading to heartache!
That be a thing of the past in my hearts prosperity!
For my hearts prosperity would be for ever and true!, And only written in love
With a bit of faith I am certain, Gods path for me will be a prosperous one indeed!
Happy not just a state of mind, for it be a place
Oh so much so it’s a place, a time, a destination and a goal
It be where we should reside

When you walk into my home I want you to feel it!
When you look at me my heart will show it! For happy is where my heart resides!

Happy I need for me first!
If those that hearts are set in unhappiness they need know it remains their choice!

My Happiness is mine! no one else can steal it or navigate it!
I am the captain of this ship!

Oh happiness is mine!
I own it’s title deed

As a lush garden, I aim to keep it in bloom!
So who ever should visit even a fleeting moment in my life

Should know happiness be mine!
©

With life’s experiences and my resilience to relationships as my own defense.
I can't help but ponder out a space so numb, I'm surprised that I feel at all!
Listening of things said in others relationships and worst of all the feeble lies told!
My ******* meter or shitemeter goes of the charts!
With much regret and a skin crawling decision of staying out of others business!
I realise!
Yes the hurtfull lies can damage!
But that be not for that they have any strength!
It is only the narrow sightedness of those who allow themselves to be that weak! To trust and believe what people say! Having said that certain people should be by default trust worthy! And excuses will be just that excuses!
Lies fashioned to mascarade as reasons for their actoins! Well mostly id say these are just scape goats they use to avoid the truth and not take ownership of their actions!
And they wont, and mostly the person on the receiving end of this is either bad mouthed and most likely even convinced that its all their fault or doing!  (deflection)
Yeah one word comes to mind, whimps!
Yes ***** spineless whimps that would rather emotionally scar or abuse a kind persons generosity or many other scenarios they they use to get themselves ahead, well at least they think, ahead!
Their words are as their hearts, frail and soon to wither away!

WELL!
You can slander my name to all!
Say hurtfull things to me!
Or of me!

But without any substance it will hold no weight!
So I get to take one thing away from this all.

THERE IS NOTHING STRONGER THAN THE TRUTH!
NOR WEAKER THAN A LIE!
Happy not just a state of mind, for it be a place
Oh so much so it’s a place, a time, a destination and a goal
It be where we should reside

When you walk into my home I want you to feel it!
When you look at me my heart will show it! For happy is where my heart resides!

Happy I need for me first!
If those that hearts are set in unhappiness they need know it remains their choice!

My Happiness is mine! no one else can steal it or navigate it!
I am the captain of this ship!

Oh happiness is mine!
I own it’s title deed

As a lush garden I aim to keep it in bloom!
So who ever should visit even a fleeting moment in my life! Should know happiness be mine!
©

Jesus shines through You!

It is in your smile!
Or the way you just are!
As a dad, I see what a mom truly is!
But not just a mom, You are!
No a Mom who has Jesus!

God Gave You beauty!
Beyond any to compare!
This be not only apearence!
No a small role that would play!
No a Mom who has Jesus!
Be radiantly aglow!

Thank you Lord Jesus for Moms
Be it  their loving touch
Or the kindness they bear
A raginging lioness to shelter her children from any dispair!
Her lifes second purpose be her little darlings with the most loving care!
But first she seeks Jesus

His footsteps she follows
For no other as selfless
As our King Jesus Christ !
©️

Stress ticks over inside of me, as if mechanically part of me!
And these shacking hands be that of a chronometer!
How many times have i heard,
“It will all be ok!”
I think much kinder words have been spoken!
As if they hold no part of this drastic itinerary!
Then!
Mindfully i say!
COPE!

BREATHE
Smell take it all in!
Its not all decay!
There are roses too!

Listen
Oh, hear the beautifull song as the sparrow gayly chirps, his thanks to life!

Sight!
Open my eyes!
Drink in all its beauty!

Touch!
Feel the world with all my senses!
As air rushes over me!

Its all alive!

And I’m part of this great creation!

Im alive!

Oh

Thank you Jesus!
©️

A struggle! so just keeping it together!
Flustered and torn!
Lonely if I don’t reach out!
Emotions run through me like riptides in a vicious squall!
Not sure whether to run or hide!
Or what or where to next!
First thing everyone has always said just breathe!
Yeah if I did that from the start!
Wouldn’t burn to do just that, just breathe!
Reality kicks in, no worries I squander my soul on! can change the outcome of others choices!
Besides
I need to take ownership of my actions and face the consequences!
That needn’t render me powerless though!
For i still, have prayer!
And i am a great person!
And aim to be so much more!
I just need to show everyone i remember how to be me!
©️

A country singer strums his guitar as his lyrics leave me swallowing lumps!

“ Sitting in the dark all night fighting shadows,
And the urge to call you up hits me like an arrow.
It ain't the whiskey talking or the loneliness I'm feeling.
It's the memories, all the little things, that keep me from healing.
I'd give up all the days I got left on this earth,
'Cause without you I don't know what they're worth; no.
I'd give it all for you, if you'd let me.
This heart don't have a home without you in it; no.
I'd stand before you, as a man who's been broken.
Truer words never spoken.”

Yeah as if from my pen and only him singing!
I said it before but I can’t help this feeling!
But love you!
I always will!
Happy not just a state of mind, for it be a place
Oh so much so it’s a place, a time, a destination and a goal
It be where we should reside

When you walk into my home I want you to feel it!
When you look at me my heart will show it! For happy is where my heart resides!

Happy I need for me first!
If those that hearts are set in unhappiness they need know it remains their choice!

My Happiness is mine! no one else can steal it or navigate it!
I am the captain of this ship!

Oh happiness is mine!
I own it’s title deed

As a lush garden I aim to keep it in bloom!
So who ever should visit even a fleeting moment in my life! Should know happiness be mine!
©

A star so bright i saw tonight!
I thought of you!
Not for its sheer beauty in this wondorous sky! Although i could relate them!
Not for its radiance!
There too i could relate as you shine always!
No not for many other reasons I could compare!
But for the simple thought!
A wish upon a star!
I wished you were mine!
©️

Roseacre the name of the suburb i grew up in.
Today on a bench at a clinic named roseacres i ponder,
Would a acre of roses make me happy?

Well if i could pick of them each day for you?
Oh yes a smile each day, i would have!
©️

Alive?
Shouldn't I at least know to keep some joy?
That only i get to reside in its capital city,
”Misery”
When will I rather cease to feel and be numb to all your hurt you provide?
Oh rather spare this world my existance!
And bring a life with that can make diference!
Alive?  no im sure hell be here so how can i be alive?
Joy be it real or only a carrot to be dangled infront of this donkey?
Alive?
©️

It's been said people come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime!
Well, the people there for a season although not all negative experiences pass through only.
Then those for a reason probably more to their own benefit!
But those, there for, a lifetime not only give a reason but make us want to be more!
They never leave you no matter the circumstances!
I know my soulmate and although she only sees a season I know my life is to be spent with her!
I hope with all I am she sees this true!
For i’ll be here waiting, I love her beyond all this fighting!
I would do whatever to have her realize this!
Been told of late there is no-one you cannot live without!
Well maybe true to some extent, however, what if there is someone, I wish all I am don't want to be without?
What if my soul seethes for her like lungs desperate for air?
I have to just show her that I am here and if it takes a lifetime for her to see it, ill be sad till the day she does! Yes, sad! although life doesn't allow us to spend all our time together, nor would I think it healthy! But yes sad for every minute I loose with her I cannot regain!
©️

The Ultimate sacrifice
Be not ceasing to exist!
As mostly, id far rather do!
No it be everything from breathing or these eyes feeling like buckets of sand dropped in them! Just as a reminder i suppese why you hurting the same reason you been crying!
Yeah it will be me just missing you to trying to cope effortlessly!
My ultimate sacrifice be enduring torture id swap in a heartbeat for any physical pain imagination can provide!
Oh i wish
©️

Come take your damage goods!
An emotional state bearing remnants of a shattered heart littering my soul!
Almost whole! certain i was!
In fact, because of you i know!
For i wrote it!
(”This is real wow”
”For she holds my heart! and I know I have hers!”)
Yeah now im broken no cause to even breathe!
I be only damaged goods!
Of course you wont want!
©️

Lies have me ripped to shreds,
Not mine! but of me!
As  if I lied!
Guilt be your enemy here!
But clear conscience i do have!
But who cares!
I care to no end and it hurts!
But who cares!
I long for you and it hurts!
But who cares!
Dont want to do the unthinkable and almost cant resist!
But who cares!
Life now so lonely!
But who cares
Been tortured treated like a dog!
As a slapegoat of your own agenda!
Second time this has now been my fate!
Powerless i dont even get the opportunity to defend myself!
You say you angry and wont meet me!
I'm sure rather guilt won't allow you to face not me but the truth!
Worse than all that! I cry in anguish as not for that hurt! But rather in longing for you!
Missing you so much it tears through me relentlessly!
Last time I proved a social misfit I put up barriers as not to allow anyone in, now I think safer to remove myself from society! Don't see how! don't know how!
Everything hurts even breathing! Not an easy task as I have to do it consciously far more than average, as sleep is hardly an option or rarely possible!
But who cares!

Be it Weak?
For they see these tears!
Oh witness them yes!
For it’s where you shall see the pain!
Or is there such a thing as pain!
Love!
Good!
Bad!
All just what we allow ourselves to believe in!
Only misery we exist as truly!
The rest all *******!
We like water that evaporates and rains down are no more than a part of a miserable cycle!
We can blindly plod along or see its truth!
And forget all the ******* and allow no crap in!
Weak?
I wonder!  
Maybe tougher than all perceive by rather allowing all the false crap no more!
Weak? Oh no!
Be just your perception!

Solemly  all this I swear!
And with all I am! And Never to waiver from!

Oh yes, I claim my love for you to be pure!
For it is from my heart, and no other possibly i’d see fit to, could or id want to compare!

Oh yes I, claim my love for you to be true!
Oh yes true for the very thought of you makes my heart smile, and excited to see you even if its a mere glimpse of my wallpaper on my phone! ”yes your picture, why its on my phone screen and proudly so”
And every visit starts with that exciting heart racing glee! That can't be anything but true! For me, there will never be another!

Yes, I claim my love for you forever learning!
As there is never a moment I will ever pass up again in bettering my self if the opportunity is needed, I will do my all to create such an opportunity!
From the moment intimacy was shared I felt as if I was more, being with you, my heart had no choice! With its what I believed as unscalable walls, oh yes you make me want to be more!

Oh yes,, I claim my love for you to be selflessness and only realize just how so, more and more so, for even in me wallowing in fear and sadness my greatest hurt and total resentment was mine towards myself for unwittingly or not nonetheless hurting you! And as learning brings growth, enabling me to promise to remain true and pure! And there will never be a sacrifice id not give to ensure my love remain just that!

Oh yes, I claim my love to be unique!
For there can be no greater love from a man to a woman than the love I promise you! This I know to be true with all I am! Or I would rather no longer myself exist!

Oh yes, I claim it to exclusive!
For this, I say this with all the conviction of my every breath! But stronger than just my hearts conviction! I say this with conviction of my soul to bear before God! And with his strength in me a strength no other can compare!

Oh yes, I claim my love for you to be legendary!
For Jenni, you deserve no less!
And there will never be a second of any hour, ill strive with all my heart and soul to show you all this!
I love you to no end I promise

To my Beautiful treasures, I don't deserve!
My Three princesses, you are flawless next to me!
So pure and true!
For you, I carry on through life with all its let downs!
I have to persevere!  
God gave me three blessings I don't deserve!
Many a letdown Dad I've been!
A feeble dad I know!
But I resound my love to you!
For the only love im allowed to keep!
Every time I enter relationships, I only land up hurting! Either myself or the other person!
So to you and my God, I’ll have forever!
Please forgive my somewhat hopeless attempts at times, but if not for you my heart is spent!
Love you with all my heart as feeble as it may be!
As simple as I might act and not do enough!
Call enough or even be enough!
I love you!
Beyond my selfish pain!
And I’ll do my utmost to hurt you never again!

Oh!
You might find them feeble!
You might see a lie!
Yet more true words never spoken!
Oh yes!
My life without you is like an arid lifeless desert!
Where once a beautiful Paradise thrived!
Now only tumbleweed to blow on by!
They be the people I put this mask on each day to portray a person!
Who be somewhat normal!
However!
I be not a person anymore!
No!
All that be left this lifeless shell
Yes, no more an empty shell of longing!
Longing for what was once the only happiness I’d want for!
Yes you might see it as feeble!
But ill love you till the day I die!
©️

I am now spent to my core with no way out or no way forward or wherever,
Cant say whats next, but is there a next?
Cant see it!
Tried to find it!
Dont know how to look!
Do i even want to look!
Do even want a next!
Next what breath?
Humiliation?
Emotion?
Meal?
I cant want for any!
Dont want to anymore!

From one of our greatest writers of all time, a extremely real quote of the heart brings me to pen.
Time is very slow for those who wait.
Very fast for those who are scared.
Very long for those who lament.
Very short for those who celebrate.
But for those who Love time is eternal!
”William Shakespeare”

Wow my hearts aglow in thoughts of you!
For i know to my last breath i will love you with all my heart and soul!
To think Eternal Wow it needn't cease there at my mere mortality!
Wow no i can say i will love you forever!
Mean and its not flawed!
My love for you is True!
Is pure!
Is forever learning!
Is selfless!
Is unique!
Is exclusive!
Wow and now i get to promise legendary!

It’s Time!
Time to stand up stop wallowing in this grief!
Stand fast in Faith asking Gods hand to make me the better man!
The one she’ll see as whom she can rely!
She can Trust!
Believe in!
Look up to!
See honor in!
Find strength in!
(Although such a strong person hardly needed)
I know my greatest strength lies within my faith!
For through Gods work, my heart will be to a honest compass!
So now I dedicate this day and many to come to You my Daddy, oh steer my life!
Help me be the the humble servant you need of your child!
I pray my Lord my soul to keep!
As I take my direction from being trapped in earthly ways!
Teach me Jesus I pray !

Sorry
Think i lost this one hopelesly
The fight be done!
Yes you sad insipid strugle im done with you!
Oh but only missery to spew!
Damaged i cant recover!
I cant fix this thing!
Oh was it ever mine to have !
Sorry
Not as it be said but for who actually depend and rely on me!
My true failure!
Not going to be there!
Not much to depend on anyhow!
Sorry!
Comfortably Numb

Wish I was more!
Wish I could have wowed her so that no fight could be to much!
Wish I made that much more of a difference in her life that I’d be the one!
I wish that a misunderstood truth was explained in detail! And not me seen as a liar!
I wish i didt even have this insignificant past ro be questioned!
Oh if only i wish!  
I wish I wish I wish
Hmmm obviously time has proven I am not anyone’s person that valuable! For wishes like these!
A reality I’ll have to somehow learn to live with!
Sadly i hope somehow there is hope but that seems to be just my silly wishfulness alone!
i wish i wish i wish

For Truth i began a fasting

Never have I fasted
But have started my pledge
Maybe a hunger strike without audience!
But if I can’t have this truth revealed I don’t want to be!
For it makes a far greater truth a lie too!
My love for her!
So it’s day two and feel no pangs!
Be it sobs feeding my existence I don’t know!
True I remain!

The truth shall set you free!
Free of what ?
I revealed everything and it only came back for me to be called a liar!
Somehow I need to believe that in truth all will be shown!
Oh but will she see?
Will pride prevent acknowledgement?
It will riddle me like a cancer this I know!
And true I’ll remain hers for I love her so!
Ill never love another i know this!
Although said before never be an eternity!
But i promised her just that!
And true ill remain!

Why do I even bother ?
Oh this is not a poem to sway you with romantic words, no infact i probably won’t share this with whom it belongs.
No more an apology, and reallity check for me!
Oh but that be said without malice for you!
Rather all I do is ***** things up!
Even though I’d try my heart to make sure to get it right with every intention to make your day!
I’d get it wrong I don’t even truly know where I went wrong!
But somehow hurt you i did!
Thats more painfully riviting ro my core far more than you pushing me away!
Many words come to mind from pathetic, useless, idiotic. Waste of human space, and many more, sad to describe anyone as this sadder realising this of oneself!
Should have got right the first time and save everyone the waste of time!
Have had to get my head around not doing anything they call stupid for so long, i honestly strugle to find a reason to carry on!  For what? Why?
And mostly cant say it would stupid, no be thei ly thing i can  think would make sense!
To hurt the one i love no matter what i do ill ***** it up!
Hurting you is an unbearable thought!
How could i live with myself?
Cant see how i can get rhrough that
Let alone this pain!
You mean so much to me!
Ive said is take a bullet for you! (Die for you)
But would rather live for you !
Now if you not there?
Cant see much hope at all !
No where! All rhe general reasons everyone would usually morivate you with, would hold so little weight!
This pain be out of this world i try but  cant expain this be of magnitudes earthquakes couldnt measure on the same scale!
And somehow i try find that reason in fear of hurting other loved ones!
Somehow i rather find hope!
Not the hope youd think though!
Oh no this is hope that my loved ones (famil)  will understand this pain and somehow forgive me for my intention be not to hurt  them, but to find ease finnaly!
Comfort knowing id be not the reson orhers will hurt tomorrow!
Yes dark and dismal thoughts!
Or are they?
Are they not in other ways considerate?
Oh oh i lean to think so..