blacked out
i've blacked out
these images of need
confusing wants with
something i'm not even sure I can believe
but these wants feel more like needs
& I cannot see passed them
if it is something i can't see
than show me how I can have them
deceived
it is deceiving
believing in your dreams
when you wake up
and nothing is as quite as it once seemed
and here i am
so far away
from things that I was seeing
dreading time and space
and everything
keeping me from sleeping
take me back now
take me back
to these movies of you
cause it's the only place
I get your face
& it's become my favorite view

We still call the homeplace mom's
Calendar in the kitchen unchanged

Two years past
The old clock ticking

Branches tapping against a window
Iron Mountain through frozen rain

Like a silverback
White along the spine
Cold and silent

Strong against another winter.

r ~ 2/2/15

i feel like i am boiling.
i'm not sure if that makes sense.

i imagine you in grays and blues
and paved streets and brick
buildings. you are so very much
in your element on concrete and
in architectural feats. i knew you
would not settle (how could you)
with me but i was hoping for a
change of heart change of pace
change of of of of you and me and
some semblance of a future like we
talked about. where is the line
between wanting and needing
because i think i crossed it back in
november the first time you said
my name and squinted one eye
at me that way i like. sometimes i
look east and wonder if the london
air feels lucky to wrap itself
around you. do you ever look west
and wonder the same of me?

She likes an archaeologist
cos he does it in the dirt

and the older she gets
the more he likes to flirt

She likes the way he smells
in a faded work shirt

hard and lean
but not mean
just a little bit assertive

He still let's her roll
her own cigarettes

and handles her gently
like a gold statuette

while they dance
with the shadows
down low

you know.

home in the mirror
appearing nearer

but i'm not driving
or even trying
to turn around

i'm burning down

bridges behind me
all I can see

over my shoulder
looking for closure

the colder and closer
i get to the sea.

a pentagon study
determined that putin
is an anti-social control freak
kind of vermin

(really? this required a genius
kind of keenness? really?)

darpa should stick to cool things
like the internet and invisibility cloaks
and drones armed with pork parts


a rodina rodent in the grain
needs spankin'
with more than just sanctions

cuz knocking out their incisors
doesn't make them any nicer

- a rat with no teeth
is still a rat.

You broke my walls down
And I let you.
But now my roof is crashing down too,
Because that was your escape route.

Have you ever woken up at 2am unable to breathe because your paralyzed by your own thoughts?
No?
Then before you lay down your harsh judgment understand, that you will never understand, who I am.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep on your bathroom floor because you couldn't bear to face the world?
No?
Then before you inject me with your poisonous words understand that I may never recover.

Have you ever hated yourself so much that you took a blade to your skin because you felt you had no choice?
No?
Then before you stab me with your words understand that I may already be bleeding.