I'll count the hours of your sleepless nights
Cover your black holes under your sad eyes
Lay on your wrinkled white pillow
Right beside your restless body
And I'm *yours

Caught in a web filled with embarrassment and lies
Waiting for the creature to release and untie
The rusty ropes and hidden lines
That my sorry skin is held up in

Two loves
Two tugging at my heart
One old and familiar
The other barely explored

Flip-flopping between the pulls
Don't know which way to go
Emotions blurred
Everything's a mess
Can't I just have you both?

Thinking of you
Getting anxious
Needing you

*Lather
Rinse
Repeat

I put your memories in a box
(I didn't want to need them anymore)
But I couldn't close the lid

I stared at those memories in a box
For a week or maybe three
Wondering if you had your own box
Or was it only me?

I got lost in those memories in a box
The way it felt when we kissed
Bedtime stories
and your fingers in my hair
The smell of your soap
The warmth of your arms
and the sound of I love you in my ear

I looked at those memories
with a smile and a bittersweet sigh

I put your memories in a box
and today I closed the lid

chest tightening
pressure building
here we go again

throat closing
panting
coughing
crying
can't breathe
why does this
always happen?

head pounding
heart racing
mind buzzing
all i did
was say your name
out loud