When people look at the ocean,
They only see what’s on the outside.
Only a few brave souls are willing to take the plunge,
Into the vast beauty of the ocean.
Only few will ever know the true beauty of it
With their own eyes.
There is something about it,
The ocean,
That makes it seem sad and longing.
Maybe the ocean is blue, because of that.
It’s so undiscovered, and unexplored,
Maybe the ocean is just waiting
For someone brave enough
To find the real beauty
Hidden within.
The ocean and I have a lot in common I guess.

E.M.

this is now
life is nothing but a memory

the fact that i cannot control or slow time
haunts me

nothing will ever be the same
as it is in this exact moment

it's almost like water
in your hand

you try so hard to hold on to it
but it seeps through the cracks of your fingertips

stop moving so fast
even if its bad, enjoy the now

a year ago today, you left me
you sat there, at my darkest hour and decided
that i wasn't what you wanted anymore

i was naïve to believe in a forever for us
and even more so for thinking you'd save me from myself.

since then,
while i still feel a vacant spot in my heart
and in my soul,
i'm okay

even though i know you'll never call me again
i've grown to a point where if you came back to me,
i'd be just fine, without you.

i got sad
at a young age
its like getting sick
but there's not one medicine to fix it

i'm scared
because i wasn't sure who i was
when i was younger
so when i get happy
if i get happy

i don't know who i'll be
what to expect
or what to go back to

i grew up
hating every inch
of myself

to this day
i find it hard to look
in the mirror

i don't know
how to fix myself
from here

i don't want to
be me
anymore

i saw you in my dreams again
i saw your instagram with yellowed film pictures
pictures of you and your family and your dog
and pictures of me
of us
together

i thought i was over you

i value my sleep
not just for simplistic reasons
like "I don't want to be tired tomorrow!"
while it is entirely valid

i value my sleep
because it is an escape
from the hell i call
my life

but it is a rest
a break from everything
i am released
i am free

when i was young
i always was fascinated by eyes
i felt i could see
everything a person has seen

but i know now that is not true
for my eyes have seen some things
a moment simply fleeting
never to be replicated the exact same
ever again

its all different
some beautiful
some horrifying
i can't find the words
to describe yours

the pit in my stomach
the small emptiness
that inhabits inside of me

returns once again
like a rock
pulling me

down
down
down

into the arms
of my old friend
my sadness rose again

this feeling
i feel for you

i shouldn't care this much
but i do

this feeling
do you feel it too?

your voice is my lullaby
your body my blanket
your hands on my thighs
i’m a hopeless romantic

i’m tossing and turning
i lay here alone
hoping and praying
that you’ll maybe phone

this twin size bed
i happen to call my own
feels so much more empty
this space deemed the unknown

late at night
alone in my bed
i no longer use my strength to hold myself together
instead i hold your shirt.

you were raised with a silver spoon placed in your mouth
you had it ripped out and thrown around, so you learned to grab it and fight to get it no matter the amount of thrashing you needed to do to get it
I was raised to lick the scraps of love off the sharp side of a knife
you love parts of me
fractions that you pick and choose but never the entire spoonful
I am cough syrup on your silver spoon
sweet but an underlying bitterness that you can't stand
I wish you loved me in my entirety