"Victor, Victor, Victor."

"Mr. Victor."

"Victor!"

"Victor! Victor! Victor!"

"Mr. Victor!"

"MR. VICTOR"

"VICTOR!"

"VICTOR!"

"...Yes?" I quietly reply with a brief exhale.

"What do you need?"

I can't sleep,
With thoughts of you clouding my mind,
And this is an unusual feeling,
One I'm unfamiliar with.

I'm used to thinking of one I love,
And the thought brings me a smile,
A calm heart and a calm mind,
One that puts me right to sleep.

But right now at this moment,
Just keeping my eyes closed is difficult,
Because you are painted on the backs of my eyelids,
And I know I can't be with you right now.

You, in all your beauty, are too much for me,
I cannot see you without feeling you,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because it hurts my heart.

On a common night,
Your smile would put my soul at peace,
And set my body at rest,
But tonight is uncommonly longer.

Keeping my eyes open makes me all the more aware,
Of all this time passing me by,
And me alone,
Because you are not with me.

I am all too aware of the extra space on my bed,
I am all too aware of the emptiness beneath my hands,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because love for you usually compensates.

But it seems that right now,
Mere thoughts simply won't do,
I need you here with me,
In all your physical presence.

I cannot sleep without you to hold tightly,
And I cannot stand to close my fingers around nothing,
I cannot stand to reach forward and only feel blankets,
Until my arm is reaching into thin air.

Now only your presence will let me rest,
I need to feel your soft skin at my fingertips,
And your lips brush right up to mine,
The curve of your waist under one hand.

And this is an unusual feeling,
Because I am not usually one to commit,
But I can confidently say I want to marry you,
And that I want to spend every day I have left,

          With you.

I think I finally understand,
The cycle of life is a short one,
There are joys and sorrows,
And we leave when what's done is done.

At the dawn of day,
We while the time away,
With the foolish things we say,
And the childish games we play.

We fight and we argue,
We hate and we offend,
But even amidst the chaos,
We fall in love and we come to love.

But when the time has come for dusk,
We remove our two ivory tusks,
Our armaments of brusque,
And we leave behind our husk.

And just as life passes us by discreetly,
So does death embrace us oh so sweetly.
A bright beginning and a lovely end,
One we must peacefully accept as a friend.

We inhale the wind that is life,
And we exhale the air that is death,
We let go of each and every strife,
As we release our last breath.

And when the last instant has come to us,
We experience our final moment of perfect bliss.

I, too, have experienced falling in love,
And though I may not spend my life with you,
I am certain of only a single fact,
That I wish you to be my last caress.

I have always loved you,
And we will meet again someday,
Not because it's likely,
But because I will it so.
Maybe it's a pure coincidence,
That three times already we've reunited,
But that coincidence may only exist,
Because I will it so.

I have always watched you,
And we will meet again someday,
Not because we were meant for each other,
But because I will it so.
Maybe it was us,
We desperately made ourselves compatible,
But our infinite lonliness will always be consoled,
Because I will it so.

I have always been with you,
And we will meet again someday,
Not because it's a habit to remain tied,
But because I will it so.
Maybe I am problemed,
In the way that I cannot let you go,
But you have never let me go,
And I will that so.

I don't think I've ever truly understood the concept of having friends.
Is it that guy that whenever we hang out, we always get ******?
Or is it that guy that forced me to open up to him, yet we only talk twice a year?
Or possibly that girl I always wanted to be close to, but she never let me in?
If so, having friends sure is lonely...

Sometimes I feel like I'm back,
Like I'm ******* back,
Back in the life I used to live,
Back in my old body with a weak chest,
And caving in ribs,
Like every single muscle is so relaxed,
Because it has no reason to move.

Sometimes I feel like I'm back,
Like I'm living in the past,
But I'm more alive than I have been,
And I am again who I once knew,
The person I am at heart,
Along with all the love,
And the sadness and pain.

And it hurts,
It hurts so ******* much,
I remember that I'm dying,
But I feel most alive,
When I am who I am,
And I'm not who I'm not,
And I live as myself.

I escaped myself for some time,
For quite nearly an age,
I was just like everyone,
Who lives in their minds,
I focused on my ego,
I pursued my selfishness,
And I neglected the humanity of others.

I was Normal.

But if I'm to stay that way,
I need to be smarter than that,
Than to return to any things of my past,
Any parts of myself,
I just can't look back,
I can't remember that life,
Where I was for so many years.

I am here now...
And I remember now...
I am alive now...
And I am myself now...
And it's difficult to make the decision now,
Wether I should accept the new hollow person I became,
Or to return to the person with mind and heart in harmony.

I am Not Normal.

Because despite my unity of soul and spirit,
The link only exists as it degrades,
And with it degrades the rest of me,
All of which I once was and am,
My health,
My sanity,
And my existence.

And it splits me,
From a single central point,
In every radial direction,
Making pieces out of me,
Like a puzzle no one puts together,
Because the masterpiece painted on it,
Might be too much to want to see.

As much as I want to dislike you,
I can't say I don't miss talking to you.

As much as I want to resent you,
I can't say I don't miss thinking I had a chance with you.

As much as I want to loathe seeing your face,
Your smile and your eyes are just too beautiful.

As much as I want to reject you when you say hi,
Every word just sounds so sweet.

As much as I want to wish you death,
I can't help thinking I'd die with you.

As much I want to hate you,
Like I've never hated anyone before,
As much as I want to hate someone for the very first time,
I can't help but admit that I really fell in love with you.