One year ago,*
Black Coffee? Too strong for me, I’ll pass, thanks.
Politics? Too controversial for me, I’ll pass, thanks.
Perseverance? Not applicable to me, I’ll pass, thanks.

Look at me now, sipping a full mug of coffee with just a dash of milk.
Look at me now, befriending people as we ponder upon the future of this society I am now a part of.
Look at me now, studying the night away even though my future is uncertain.

Life is changing, and so am I.

We meet, I obsess
I wait for a text, end up barraging them with more
I overthink myself into a crazy stupor
The cycle continues on.

I tell myself to stop
It's one more thing for me to think about
It's one more situation to waste my time
The cycle pauses, then restarts again.

Everyone knows about it because I tell them
I stop myself with metaphorical duct tape
I rip it off and tell everyone anyway
The cycle has no ending once it has begun.

This is the mistake I constantly make
I feel clingy, even though I probably am not
(But I am, so it is fruitless)
The cycle rotates in the backburner, a solid reminder.

It’s not a crush, it’s just a shortlived fascination
I declare my love, as I do for countless others
Masochism is apparently inbuilt
The cycle goes on, an infinite loop of repeated thoughts.

Sometimes I jinx myself,
Sometimes I hope too much,
Sometimes I think a lot
All of these are lies.

It’s not just sometimes,
It’s all the ******* time.
My brain refuses to work
My heart refuses to listen

I patiently wait for the end
To the time that I out-stubborn myself
I can go back to non-distractions
Till something else gets my attention

I know I'm mostly wrong
Try to get up, try to be strong
But then I give up and
I give my heart away

Doesn't matter what people say
The things they do, the games they play
I know I should change but
I give my heart away

Every hope I hope
Every dream I dream
They all fall apart as
I give my heart away

I'll probably find someone new
Someone who wants me too
And the cycle begins again
I give my heart away...

So hard, it seems, to live your life
When your mind is in war with itself
One part of you, the popular, sweet one
While the other just sulks in the corner
A random thought makes you stay with people you know
While another makes you want to go mingle
You almost trip, make the same mistake again
But then someone comes up to remind you
You need not be like the other cookies
Some cookies are better when charred

Sometimes your words hurt me
I try to shield myself, let it bounce off
Some of the pain does get through

I crave affection from numerous people
I feel sad when they give more affection to others
It is an affliction I cannot cure

It is normal to be out of the loop nowadays
I keep quiet, something I never do
I worry I may never talk some day

If we rarely meet when we are so close
What will happen when we are miles apart?
If something should die, let it be my heart, all over again.

You say it could have been done better
You say my hair looks okay
Your face shows a smile, but your eyes give it away.
No more.

You put yourself up by bringing me down
You make me stoop down to your level of childishness
You and your barbed statements make me doubt myself
No more.

You insult me, you ignore me
You expect us to stay friends
You end the topic to be the faux bigger person
No more.

I am pretty, I am smart
I will not worry my mind with people like you
I will complete my obligations, then forget you forever
I like me the way I am, *******.