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 Nov 2016 uzzi obinna
Aoife Teese
the back of my throat scratches as a smile is forced deep into the muscles on my face, taking along with it ounces of the strength I have left

It's draining, it really is,
watching the spiral of water go down the drain, stained by my hair dye, reminiscent of what used to be

Days used to be easier than they are now, but they also used to be harder

Time passes anyway.
Nobody understands what it is like,
Living on the outside looking in,
To what is supposed to be your own life,
Within the depths of your control,

Nobody understand how it feels,
To be soaked by the scolding dampness,
To have tears dried up by your own sadness,
Of which you'll never really feel,

Nobody understands what it is like,
Trapped on the inside reaching out,
Unto a life you know is yours,
But will never really feel is so,

To feel a pain so real and shattering,
To fall into a thousand shards,
Of somebody else's mirror,
A distorted shadow of no recollection,

To be a fraud within a fraud,
Trapped within your own self-deception,
Yet forever lacking a grip on reality,
Or what it is meant to be,

Nobody understands what it is like,
To wake each morning with a strangers mind,
Forced to accept their thoughts and feelings,
To become someone you have never known,

To go to bed with the silence of sanctity,
Tracing a face of distinct familiarity,
Awoken to that unrecognisable,
Forever searching for that of yourself,

Nobody understands how it feels,
To never understand how it feels,
To never know how you feel,
To never know it is you that is feeling,

Nobody understand's what it is like,
To feel forced to feel somebody else's pain,
To share glimpses of happiness,
That you never really felt ever were yours,

To be dragged through the turmoil of something,
But forever gliding on the edge of nothing,
Being someone but no-one,
Feeling something but nothing,

Nobody understands what it is like,
To lack the sense of who you are,
To feel like a fraudster encapsulated within,
A reality that never feels quite yours,

Nobody understands what it is like,
To sleep with prayers that when you awake,
It will be you that does awake,
And not the one that tomorrow brings.

Yes, nobody understands what it is like,

But I do.


Do I?
Bleed my name
Every single blood cell should crave my loving
Need me
[I need you to need me ]
 Nov 2016 uzzi obinna
NV
MY GOD,
I HAVE INHALED ABANDONMENT FOR SO LONG,
THAT ANY SCENT OF LOVE IN THE AIR,
MAKES IT HARD FOR ME TO BREATHE.
PLUS,
THE TANKS OF OXYGEN ALWAYS SEEM TO BE MIXED WITH A HIGH DOSAGE OF PUSHING PEOPLE AWAY,
AND I WEAR THE MASKS SO OFTEN,
I FORGET I EVEN HAVE THEM ON.
 Nov 2016 uzzi obinna
NV
i know only how to wear this body like an apology.
like i'm sorry i take up too much space.
like i'm sorry,
i don't feel small enough to fit into your hands.
i wear it like a sin.
like a prayer that never feels answered.
like confessions i keep trying to change.
i wear it like a broken commandment,
because i love thy neighbour,
but i hate myself.
Did you really have to go?
I'm left behind and miss you so
It's been a long, long time

You said you had to go to foreign climes
But you're always on my mind
Did you really have to go?

You left me sad
And I feel bad
It's been a long, long time

Do you ever think of me
When you are far beyond the sea
Did you really have to go?

I dream of you both day and night
Although you're very far away
It's been a long, long time

Please come back. I need you so
A sun to shine and river's flow
It's been a long, long time


Keith Wilson
Birthwaite November 2015
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