Surely I write not for the hopeful young,                  
    Or those who deem their happiness of worth,
  Or such as pasture and grow fat among
    The shows of life and feel nor doubt nor dearth,
  Or pious spirits with a God above them
  To sanctify and glorify and love them,                      
    Or sages who foresee a heaven on earth.

  For none of these I write, and none of these
    Could read the writing if they deigned to try;
  So may they flourish in their due degrees,
    On our sweet earth and in their unplaced sky.            
  If any cares for the weak words here written,
  It must be some one desolate, Fate-smitten,
    Whose faith and hopes are dead, and who would die.

  Yes, here and there some weary wanderer
    In that same city of tremendous night,                    
  Will understand the speech and feel a stir
    Of fellowship in all-disastrous fight;
  "I suffer mute and lonely, yet another
  Uplifts his voice to let me know a brother
    Travels the same wild paths though out of sight."

Open and free again
Open to love
Open to life
Open to be again

Can’t live the rest of life like a monster
Open and free again
Open all doors and breathe it all in

Still me, unfree of sin
But wide open to be, just free

Whatever lurks in corners of my mind
Whatever morbid thoughts linger on the other side
Right now I want free, even if later I freely enslave me

tonight has turned out to be
a huge turning point in my reality
more focused on the future than the past
a big wake up for me has happened the last
couple of hours midst the hectic chaos
i've truly found something new for my life to weigh on


i know that it must sound odd
for you to imagine
that i've found something more than god
for me to believe in
but life is strange sometimes
and when you're at your very worst
the most unlikely people can pull your face
up out of the dirt


but tonight i'll sleep for whatever it's worth
and tomorrow is a brand new day
that i'll be facing head on

her holds on me
(more than i held her)

i first spent time with her
in an apartment with no heat,

fell into her with ease
we were young, no stresses and free

laid her down on my couch
party dress, balloon packaging

my friend took her out first
pure and simple, should have scared me

by the glow of candles
warming her face to the lights ream

her smell was different
i was just hoping to get-some

her true intent eluded me
and i got her under my skin

her taste so devilish
tremble my heart as we began

i lost myself to her
and there i vowed never again                      

my friend, was not as lucky
he died, her still clinging to his arm

her power is entrancing
quickly ruining lives with the chase 



but time moves on and things change
i haven't kept her around for years now  

that girl was my hero in one dark moment of my life
then a villain stealing both friends and tears

Beautiful dreams
  of making art from glass
  and then giving it away to people who ask…

Our bodies entangled
  ******* like the knots that were in my stomach
  at the beginning of eve

Dissipated
    like the shore washed by the great sea

You are
    the best parts of me

walking the street hours
he walks the streets in silence
in twilight moments

of quiet chaos
his head so full of shadows
that his waking stays

his mind rambles on  
when your head lay fast asleep
and you have enough

death is at his side
he'll find rest throughout the day
awaiting next move

find places to lay
your concerns are not the same
with darkness looming

There’s a quiet place in my mind
One that I keep trying to find
Where it’s never trouble
And I always know just what to write

Lying down with head in the grass
These nice, warm, sunny days never last
Watch the smoke rise like clouds
Catching a train, she’s on her way out

With guitar I’m left, hanging here
Still a boy, with poems of “no fear”
Too early to bed down
Simmer the swimming thoughts in my head

I’ll go now…
To that place that I said,
So that I don’t run around here screaming
All the words I left unsaid

All is quiet now at last
In the house of the dead
A trail of tears I follow behind
Remembering loved ones
And times before loss
Joyful remembrances
And sorrowful costs
Remember their strength and undying luster for life
And all the things you did together
And all the things done right
Take them home with you
And just leave the body
Take care and grasp hope
In possibilities endless
Believe in yourself to make them proud
With more moments worth remembering

Headed down the road, no particular place in mind
When I saw an opportunity, to sit down and write
All of the sudden, a feeling came over me
Started missin' you so bad , I could hardly breathe

Flowers were blooming, we both always liked The Spring
I play guitar now, and I try to sing
I hope you know, I'll never forget
All the love you showed me, Oh, how much you've meant

I guess everybody's, got their own way
Of working through loss, so they can feel 'okay'
I've had me a cry, now I'm laughin' through tears
'Cause as long as I live, I know you'll still be here

Well, I guess it's 'bout time, for me to leave this place
Hope you liked the song, "I'm goin' ta be on my way"
Too short of a time we had, before "the part"
Where you left everywhere else,
                                                         save the place In My Heart

head full of hair, like the red on my son’s head,
red like my face, I wonder of the blood that did circulate
around the tumor that formed just behind her eye

the red i saw
like a man going blind, eyes irritated at the sun’s presence
bloodshot like mine, with anger on those drunken nights I cursed a god in heaven

I wonder if my baby saw red like I did
when, my eyes burning, filled with tears at the news of her death.
Those lovely red curls that now make a pillow for her final place of rest..







© 2013 Patrick W. Hamilton
All rights reserved

step out to have a smoke
and stir my head a bit

stabbing pain shoots through me
as red cherry burns flesh

this is my last week in
this desolate wasteland

here life is wearing thin
its time to start again

i'll turn myself in to
settle debts wit' the state

when all's done, i'll return
home... first time in decades

if i had to write
(and i do believe i do)
about how much it means to me

the flowers
girls and their shorts
the trees..

i think that i would start with
saying something about a feeling
at ease... free

neatly tucked in a small town
not far from down-
town,

in a little spot i like to call home
a sense fills senses
unaware... warm

with sun on my face, a
particular place
away from "rat-race)

called Denton

I miss her
like ink misses the page
when i can't seem to think
of the right words to say .

I love her like the heavens,
and to the moon I pray,
the only wish I ever have,
that every shooting star could stay .

If there is a god of love,
how could one create
this old heart of mine
just to feel it break

...

A relationship,
that's foundation must always be
unwavering truth and honesty ,
only on such a foundation
can there be cornerstones of trust and faith .
If a foundation is solid , it's corners will not break
And cracks from shifts , can be repaired or replaced . . .

Be it hurtful , scary , or uncertain of change ,
we must always center on these things
(Truth , Honesty , Trust and Faith)

This I say ,
because I realize that things
like people , interests and feelings, change ,
but if our relationship is set on a solid foundation
and we remain honest about the decisions we make . . .
There will stand a Love
stronger than any heartache  .

on a mission of self-searching
(search for myself)
a home-coming long awaited
what better a place to be found

like myself, so much about here has changed
this is where i'll make my mark,
but right now i haven't a single penny to my name.

times have changed and it appears that Denton has kept up
sadly though, i believe that i have not.

for so so long i have waited for this day
it has called to me, (this seat, this town, this cafe).
but everything is so so different than before,
perhaps i truly shall find my way, (my place, my course).

my past has now discovered a reckoning,
and i can start again fresher than before
a new hope in me has risen
one that was never there before

I typically rhyme
in sixes and sevens,
Count syllables in lines
If you think I’m bull-shittin’

I'm awe struck
got a message from you on Facebook,
I just can't stop smiling.
You flipped my day around,
bright side up from upside down.
You sent a song you played my way,
and breathed new life into me
One moment I was drowning
and then your melody revived me.
You wrote that you missed seeing me around,
but my heart I still keep hidden
buried underground.

A lost treasure i discovered amongst a pile of things, outside and badly weathered,
swollen fat with broken back, but every page still in tact.
Eight hundred pages wrapped in lovely blue,
hundred year old print (Byron Poems), what "lucky-day" for you.

We've made music 'til morning's light
passing through the night
You and I
with ocean and sky
Your constant loving breeze
my guitar with me
Together we made music
so sweet
Neither of us with anywhere else to be
with sandy bare feet
I strummed a melody
and you, you sang to me

Your words are just words,
empty airborne promises
Mind not matching where your heart is at,
sleeping here like walruses

Not far from a hide-a-bed, I
write down things that should be said
Transposing from inside my head,
pen and paper falls like lead

Wishing we could be
something we're not  instead
Things inside were kinda dead
from open wounds already bled

My mind, it goes from black to red
(and) I'll leave here again someday,
... But not today

The lier and the thief come undone
their shackles are my own
All the scars that could be known
from all the fighting that's been done
Sweat,
like sanity,
  slipping down the side of his face
    (Washed in grace)

I've reached my peak and I've gone past
feeling like I'm falling fast
Fleeting times of good and bad
nothing ever lasts

Spent miles alone and sad
broken bones, you signed my cast
Forgotten hate and had a blast
took the wheel and we still crashed

Wrote about my long lost Dad
went back to the bar for another glass
Realized that I'm still mad
made penance and had daily bread

Now I'm starting to get fat
Regretting the Life
   I still
    Never had

lively music breaks out
from the stage
a friend of mine (Daniel)
his band is playing


the night is hot
to spite the frigid weather


from start of the next set
the crowd's a wreck
many rode hard
now wet with sweat

a female vocalist lit up the scene
with a sonic scream
bodies were flailing around
she kept wailing out


the war rages on
until early morn
everyone screaming and jumping
all passengers caught up in storm


having been transported now
[to a land far away]
for most of the night

i'm feeling ragged
[worn out]
but still pretty high

We talked about religion and after life, and Jesus Christ
..All over death
He told me of his beliefs, and how they came to be
...All over death
Talking little about work, or the body being at rest
[All this too, over death]
I conceded that I’d think a little more about
All the possibilities, but retain my doubt,
[As we set the ****** features and drained the blood out]
Conversation had turned deep, leaving me room to think

All over death

Making my way down the road
in a story yet to unfold
Dogs started barking, so I sat down
and kicked off my shoes

Stranger say, "Boy ya carry quite  load"
is the journey worth it's weight in gold?
So I picked up my guitar
and started singing the blues
----------------------------------------------------

I been on this road so long,
can't remember quite where it began.
I held on this guitar so hard,
now it's my only friend.

Well, I been ramblin' up and down,
trying to find an end.
I aint been Home
sense I can't remember when.
-------------------------------------------------
Been all over this country, coast to coast,
more times than I can count.
Playin' guitar, drinkin' and a fussing,
trying to find my way out.

I started out at the bottom, not a penny to my name,
and let the world do their best.
I came here with nothing,
and I still got most of it left.

since you've been gone,
I measure every other girl to you..
It's not something I can help,
it's just something I seem to do.

It's a beautiful day , is all I want to say
Every time you look my way it's such a beautiful thing .

It's a beautiful day , that's all I wanted to say
and it's a beautiful way you brighten up my day .

You know it's true ,
when I'm feelin' blue , I lock eyes with you
and get carried away . . .

It's a beautiful day , such a beautiful day
It's amazing the way your smile changes everything .

The weather don't have to be
"Ideal," for me to see , when you're near me all I want to say
is , It's a Beautiful Day .

. . .

I want to like you,

but you make me knot .

She pasted memories, to look back on later,
to little scraps of colored paper.
Placed in a book, wrapped up in ribbon,
laid on the shelve in plain sight hidden.

Photos of family, and picture show stubs,
all the little things that reminded her of
  the times before we all were grown.
  In that big empty house, it didn't feel so alone
     with those neatly arranged, to smile at later,
      carefully laid tinny scraps  of colored paper .


Every page told a story of her life,
years that sometimes escaped her mind.
Children, grandchildren, all were there,
when she forgot a name, she'd sit and stare.
  Her mind, she knew, was almost gone,
  but with that little scrap book, life would go on...
    
   ...In those pages of places, people and times,
       she placed each little note on every line...
  
    ...In collections of impressions to recall again later,
        carefully kept new  on colored paper .


I'm sorry to say, I only found it later,
those photos of the life that made her.
Past down to my sister for safe keeping,
I saw her looking through it, quietly weeping.

  I guess those times now, are all but gone.
  Grandma kept a scrapbook, like I write songs...

   ...They're just memories, to sing again later,
      like little bits of life    on colored paper  .

singing for the tree lines, not far in from shore
along dusty roads with pack on back, and guitar

cool downtown, city-weekend nights, with street-lamp, store window light
wandering nomadic gypsy soul with adopted name
entertaining for angels and saints

warm country summer days, sidewalk strumming
streaming sweat, marking time, keeping time
forgetting time, and making it
watching it , seizing or taking it

breathing , discovering , smiling , shrugging
and sharing with friends whatever's left
(signed)      - All The Best,

sit in the grass
near where the pink tree blossoms grow
(watch the traffic move on slow)
what you find in the day
is what you make
i didn't stop traffic,
but i could use the break

words read
as they trickle off page
and paint you a scene from
a memory, all but lost to time.

the cost of happiness is sorrow
it's a "buy in now, pay for later" deal.
to experience true happiness is also
inevitably to know it's complete absence, "loss", to feel...

a one year anniversary of the death of a man
winter's coming on again.
it's getting colder out,
i stand before you now... beaten down by the wind.

i pack up your pictures and put them away
i wanna play this guitar that you gave to me...

i'll be out late with friends tonight,
and not miss you 'till i'm alone.
i burned everything i ever wrote about you,
deleted your number from my phone...

i'm writing this song now just to get it out.
from your life so easily i was just cut out ..?

wanna just say, "Baby, we had a good run,"
but feel too much loss to act like something was won.

drinkin' tonight at all the places "you and i" will never see..
hangin' out with friends we don't share, so we don't meet..

pouring all your heart out
                                            in the street
feelings better expressed
                                      strum and beat

he doesn't play for change    just sanity
and right now, oh-oh-oh-oh, boy it's weak

he's hittin' the road
goin' out hard
gonna take it and run dahdahdah

he's got the bracelet she made him
he's cool with that
packing to go soon anyways
just his ruck sack

No more texts sent
No more nights of lonely
No more checks to spend
on a "one and only"

I'd catch every tear for you
try and hide them away not to be found
I make every excuse that I can
but still find myself crying

I don't really think of you anymore unless I'm dreaming,
or when my eyes are open and the Sun is beaming,
unless rain falls or birds start singing,
or if I see a plant or flower and wonder of their name,
and for every tree I pass, it's the same.

I don't really think of you except to wonder if you ever think of me,
or when I'm trying to focus at work
on anything.
I only think of you ,
probably when I shouldn't be,
or when I've nothing to do
and I'm just bored, ya see.

Ahh, but when the sun sets
and I know I'll soon find sleep,
in the face of the moon
and the stars above me,
it never seems to fail
memories of you return to me.

Because
I don't really think of you anymore, unless I'm dreaming.

It starts with a chill in the morning,
                                         Every Morning,
                           [after nights cold and wet]
                         when the light is there
                      but still  and chilly . .


Then,            as     10 - noon      approaches
                     it quickly gets hot…


           …  In the shadows of the mountain though,
                          where the sun is out of reach,
              that’s when   bones
                                                           ­    grow old again .

Another year goes by, thinking about old wrongs
Winter is here, hoping I'll hold on
I strum a clear tune to write a cold (cold) song,
But I still see your face no matter how far I've gone.

As a means of escape, I followed the signs
Left a corpse out of state at the wake to go write my rhymes
Up through the center & down the west coast, then back east
From Florida to Philly, whichever way the wind blow'd
I saw the southern border of old Mexico
Skirted Canada too, still wearing the same pair of clothes
I've gotten sick and I been hard up
But I still sang my songs to fill my gut

Miles come and go, stretching on so long
I put my pen to page, and try and move on
Another season full of days, just looking to belong
I still see your face no matter how far I've gone

(I been) Running in circles, trying to fill the time
Of the spaces left from reading in between the lines
I haven't made it far yet, but I still outshine
All the dusty bones broken down that I left behind

....

Another year goes by, thinking about old wrongs.
Winter is here again hoping I'll hold on .
I strum a clear tune to write a cold cold song .
...But, I still see your face, no matter how far I've gone.

Dawn of a new day
watch it rise
last smoke 'till who knows when
turn the heater down and become one with the cold
no more hiding out
new season of life
new days and nights to come
make a decision to crawl out of that shell at last
music is playing
all the movies I've seen
now is the time and here is the moment when
I start again
purposefully

her hands were pristine, unblemished, clean
they tremble with passion on the keys (she's 18)
mine are scarred, an unnatural discolored burn scheme
i'm older and slower, still peck-typing

i feel a slow slip
begining to start

i try holding together stitches
but it's bound to break apart

somewhere,
                    a low small hurt
                                                got inside my heart

dark clouds are looming
hanging heavy 'round my head
your voice , it haunts me
still not sleeping in that bed

i'll paint you a love song
and hang it from the wall
hope you get the message
running through the halls

the air is turning chill here
you can feel it in your bones
there's no more confusion about
which way the wind blows

everything is changing color and
starting to thin
this time , how far you end up,
won't depend on where you began   .

Stevi's buyin a prom dress
her momma's payin the bills
both are lookin for work now
A life in the rebuild.

Made it through the summer with the sand and the sun
In the cold winter months their love keeps 'em warm
Makin' things work out seems to come so easily ...
for the girls now laughing down at Hard Times Street
----------------------------------------------------------­---------------
Never seen a family so warm
Helping each other battle the storms
and wearing life's scars so gracefully
Time spent is always a pleasure
with the girls living down by Hard Luck Street
----------------------------------------------------------­----------------
...was just passing through when they took me in
Hope to make it back there to see 'em again
but we all know that the roads where I belong..

"Makin' good time I'll always rome
every stretch of mile that I call home"
But if ever down in Texas you know where you can find me...

Loving, laughing and making the best of things
with the girls making it up from Hard Times Street .

I... Recollect times past, to nullify my current state,
to back when peace shimmered our harbor, warm and safe.
My... Misleading memories of honesty, truth, and faith,
sincere and fortunate light sequester, life displaced.

In-the... Deep midst of my being, deluged a swamp of mossy lace,
troubled body of trembling thought, gasping for escape.
Heard... “Open yer eyes boy... I don't wanna ya to swallow yer tongue.”
That's when someone else decided, that I'd had "enough."

Saved... from freedoms of chaos, and now the allure of death,
for catheter and plastic gown, none by request.
How... many beats per minute will my cardiogram play?
How long must I be plugged in, before I get away?..

I'll... likely be spitting gray chalk for the next week or more,
I know these things because, I've been through this all before.
There's such a... cluttering of whispers, that they all try to hide,
when nurses talk about me, they mention “suicide.”

There's... Nurses, and doctors, all hoping I'll pull through,
not one will treat the failure, of who lie in I.C.U.
Next week... We'll identify problems, bits of understanding,
how many groups and puzzles to take, to ease
                                                                        my landings.

i walk the way of the sun, to stay in the light
my insides feel sick though, like they want to cry
everyone who wears "mid-term" face
clogs weightily along, at reluctant [but determined] paces

its April
the rain falls
you're not here at all
i feel like running away
finding a sunnier day

then i get a call from you
my grey skies they all turn to blue

put the phone to your heart
wrap my arms around your guitar
I'm just learning at love
i can't play it too hard

words can pass away
as all living must die
i believe in possibilities and you and i
i hope you'll see me true
know it's there safe and hidden
kept only for you
with each pen stroke
every breath driven
from depths of my heart's throat
all love letters unwritten

if poetry is words spoken aloud
what poetry then describes your silent steps
moving toward me through the crowd ?
what can i say about the wind
wisping hair in your face
tempo of movement
style and grace
i'll be now (for this one second)
who i really am
you make me a poet
and my heart is yours to claim
don't stay away too long
for my breathe gets shallow and weak
the picture of you smiling on my phone
sends currents of joy and laughter through me
so, keep your freedom as long as you must
but please look on me kindly
for my poet's heart can only take so much

i hide behind shades of shame
& **** on the names / under the gun now
and praying for rain.