they told me i was too young,
but what the hell did they know.
so what if i was in love with a boy
who always had messy hair and
eyes the color of the sea during a storm.
after years of being silent
i found someone who would listen,
rides in the backseat of a truck,
wind blowing my hair,
old rock music playing on the radio,
drinking coffee at 10 pm.
you made it seem okay to be so different.

Dead flowers are brittle, break
easy.
Dust covers the things you gave me,
mutes them, claims them, overtakes
them, squeezing the pages of books
together until they choke,
clouding the glass jar that you use
as a vase for the dead flowers.

Dead flowers do not need water, live
easy.
You made
the bed this morning
so if memory failed me
I would have no way of seeing today
that you were here last night.
And when I blink my eyes,
for that moment they're closed
I cringe with the sudden goodbye,
every instant turned away from your face
filled with the graceless empty
of having just finished a book.
No longer able to live in its eyes,
burrow into its spine, nestle
into the crook
of its neck.

dead flowers are brittle, break easy,
please, please be careful
with this–

My hands were sweaty and my stomach practiced summersaults
I wished for my body to fall into a black hole of space and time;
until this was all just a memory. I longed to be flooded with relief
I don't remember how we said hello, or if she asked how I was
Her lips were ruby red.
She once told me Sunday's were for band t-shirts and your boyfriend's sweats
I used to provide the latter
Now I don't focus on who does
She spoke a lot, I smoked a lot
She hasn't grown up much between our years of separation
Did I expect her to? Do I really mind that she hasn't?
She's still the same, she'll always be mine
In a parallel universe I'm waking up next to her
Butterflies bursting from my stomach as she pulls a Fleetwood Mac t-shirt over her head.
As I said goodbye all I was thinking was 'who the **** listens to Jethro Tull anymore?'

Passing notes in library aisles,
Elation is all that memory serves.
With you I've known nothing but smiles,
Reveling in your wonderful words.

You bring joy to every moment you touch,
The world always seeming to smile down at you.
With your laughter and songs and smiles and such,
How can I blame it? You make me smile too.

I hate that you have done this to me.

Is this what giving up feels like?
Is this what giving in feels like?

I know where things go from here.
I know what happens next.
This is where my future disappears.
Where what I want fades away to what is best.

I knew you would come for me one day,
I knew it might be soon in time.
I secretly hoped that you would never find me,
That I might escape your way of life.

Finally the wait is over,
There is nothing left for me to fight.
No more to rage at dying day,
I must go softly into this goodnight.