I met a woman
brutal in her mercy.

Her embrace was a clinch
to prevent hard blows.
She pulled me close to push me away.
Seeing my nakedness
she leant me a dream
of chainmail and shield.
Taking love from me she gave a reprieve
to a mind resigned to the slow death of feeling.

Ignoring my words she heard
my faint silent heartbeat and
understood that it was music
too quiet for the world to hear
and turned it up louder
than I could stand.
I wept in my deafness
as she danced.

It feels like I've been endlessly cutting my wrist,
'cause of my negligence to tend to my wounds.
The very wounds that bleed these words and agony.

Now as my pride gives me immortality,
this brokeness is my eternal damnation,
an endless torture,
a neverending attempt for suicide
with no death.

hear the falling rain
hot coffee and poetry
love is in the air.
8/7/2021

It is necessary to break through the shell of ignorance in order to progress from mere Matter to Spirit.

The leaves
were lime green -
it was a pretty colour

They swayed
and danced and talked
in the wind

Life was
beautiful for them
and because of that

it was beautiful for me

I'm very ugly
So, don't try to convince me that
I'm a very beautiful person
Because at the end of the day,
I hate myself in every single way
I'm not going to lie to myself by saying
There's beauty inside of me that matters
So rest assured, I'll remind myself
That I'm a worthless, terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
That i still deserve love
Because no matter what,
I'm not good enough to be loved
And I'm in no position to believe that
Beauty doesn't exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror, I always think
Am I as ugly as people say?

(Now read bottom up)

Is it wrong to tell you how feel
When I know you're with someone else?

I hate being in that mood where nothing's really right but nothing feels right either....!