I need your smile that makes people brighter.
I need to hear your voice at least ten more times.
I need you at my wedding to tell the most random jokes.
I want you to be there for me when I get my next hear break. Or when I meet my forever person.
I need you to look at me one more time and tell me how you are feeling.
I need you not to go.
It’d too soon, and there is doing much more for you.
I need you to tell me that your life matters because it does.
So please don’t go.

The wind got louder
Whispers started to fade
Like the love we once had.
I look at the pictures and wonder why I can’t remember any of this.
My mind is going insane trying to put the pieces together.
Was this really love?
All I feel is Emptiness when thinking of you.
Please help me Figure this out.

The wind blowing as the hair is flowing in the moment.
Wearing coats too big but keeps us just as warm.
Time to fall in love while drinking cocoa.
The bad memories are starting to fade like a rainy day.
The good is staying put like your conversions.
At the end of the night, we all stare at the same snow falling from the tress.
I wished on a shooting star to keep this day with us forever.

I look at it with tears in my eyes.
What's there, you may ask?
Nothing just empty thoughts of pain waiting to happen.
I see the future of regret,
I’m wishing to take the last ten seconds back.
I look at my tattoo one more time to give me hope,
The snowman tattoo smiles, praying I let go of the past.
Nothing will change until I do.

I wish I could change the past.
I wish I never told you that I liked you.
Deep down, I hoped you felt the same way,
I thought that's why you always stayed up to text me.
I was stuck in my dream, not wanting to believe The truth.
I waisted so much of our friendship stuck in my bubble.
I wish I could change the past and get back what I miss so much.
Please, will you be my best friend again?

You aren’t a real boy.
The words haunt me.
My dad looks at me and then let out his dark thoughts after one too many beers.
Telling me, I give him nightmares for wanting to look a real man.
he is  asking me why I’m doing this just for attention.
Just like the blue hair and being gay.
I’m nothing in eyes.
He feels terrible, so he adds I love you to fix it all.
I’m still under is spell trying to get out but too scared to fight back.
He doesn’t understand how being trans saved my life.
I finally want to live.

It always hurt seeing them leave.
I watch them grow without me.
Knowing we weren't meant to be.
Scared to admit that I miss them,
Knowing they won't feel the same way.
I watched them move on without me.
I'm glad they are happy but wish they were
Happy with me.
I know we were toxic, but can you please forgive me.

I talk, but no one listens.
I’m living for the future me.
The one that isn’t here yet,
If you see this, then we made it.
I did this all for you,
You deserve to have a chance.
I’m sorry that I got you this far
And nothing changed.
Promise me that it will be better.
Promise me that it was worth the wait.
Worth the suffering, crying, and blood loss.
The losing of friends and family.
Worth the game, we all play.

I’m sorry
The phase that takes away the pain.
It saves me from feeling threatened.
It’s my power to make people happy that’s what I have been told since I was a kid.
I turned my magic in to “I’m sorry.”
Too scared to face conflict,
Afraid they will hurt me.
So I say I’m sorry.

He loved me too until he found Someone else.
All he did was talk about her smile how it could light up the world.
How he wishes he could touch her body.
Acting like I wasn’t a foot way.
Wondering why I wasn’t good enough.
Why doesn’t he want this love anymore?
Why does he want me anymore.

Sweet but mouthy
Loving but destructive.
Every girl dreams bad boy.
The only rules he breaks is with your heart.
He knows how to cook, but how long are you staying?
He says he likes you only to hook up with another girl.
This is what I get for choosing a bad boy

Why does this always happen
Dreams turn into nightmares
Wishes turn into bargaining for life.
This all happen because of one little lie.
I didn’t mean for this to get this bad.

Leaves get brighter
The laughter gets louder.
Storms get bigger
And pools get less crowded.
Smiles are changing
Crying is starting.
But wait, do you hear that.?
One girl is smiling thought Is all.

Watching a movie, you hate on repeat all day/ night long.
listing to the same sad song even though you cry every time.
Want to run to get out of your thoughts but it ends up jogging right next to you.
Hearing people talk but thinking they hate you.
Watching people hang out with you only to believe it’s all a trick.

It’s my body
I tighten my breast to my chest with a thin rubber layer.
I stuff socks in my pants to pass the gender norms.
I listen that I’m not boy enough to pass but not girly sufficient to use the lady restroom.
My Brain is confused between making me happy or making my family ok.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I can’t live like this anymore.
I would instead run then stay another day as a woman.
My body is made for me.
My body is known to me.
My body is the only mine.

They all warned me
They said, please don’t go.
Don’t follow him he will just leave you.
I didn’t listen
He said he would never hurt me
I was too young to understand he was lying.
The first year was right; then, I saw his true colors.
He only wanted me for my body.
Everyone could see it but me.
I missed the warning signs.
Now I’m heartbroken once again.

Thank you for making my childhood the wonderful land of candy smelling bedrooms.
Love that covered the house falls to make sure we never felt alone.
Working long hours to make sure we could do everything we wanted.
She was watching us run in meets even if it took hours to get, though.
They were never second-guessing us when we didn’t feel right.
Always checking to make sure we are doing ok.
Never making us do things we didn’t want to do.
Family vacations meant scrip booking and walked in the woods.
Late night drinks by the fireplace.
Always making the family smile.

Never have I ever said I loved someone when I didn’t.
Never have I ever said something I didn’t meant.
I put my life in these poems to get a few views.
I want to be noticed but I don’t want to lose my self.
I’m already slipping back into the old me.
I’m crying knowing the hospital is calling my name.
Even if im crying I know that I never told I lie to the people I love.

Welcome to the month that you hear everyone stories, then the people who usually just make fun of them say how much they care.
People like me suffer every day, but usually, no one cares.
Please don’t tell me to pick to be happy.
I didn’t choose to be sad.
I chose to live, which the hardest of them all.
Maybe dying would be more comfortable, but I won’t give up to be another static.
I’m not a number that will be seen in the news, and people who hated me will make a post about how much they loved me.
My pain isn't a way for others to make money.
Happy national  awareness time.
I hear you
I’m with you
Don’t fly yet.
There is still come.
I love you all.

Love
Love has no limits and not hate.
Don’t stand there and tell me you love it when you don’t even know her.
What’s her favorite color?
What makes her happy on a Cloudy day?
I watch her grow each day learning new things.
One day I hope she takes my last name.
I watched her cry over you.
She has only smiled because of me.
She laughed at my stories.
I cried to see you leave her again.
I may be her best friend, but one day I will be her whole life.
Love is making sure she is happy and cooking her favorite things.
I never once told her to change because she is fantastic just this way.

Watch me move.
Watch me lie,
Watch me live.
I will show you, love, unlike you did to me.
I need to let you go.
You held me down too long.
Never meeting halfway,
Come to me or leave.
My love isn’t strong enough for the both of us.

Mexico
Today I was supposed to go there.
It was the thing that kept sane when I was insane.
Things don’t always go as planned, and I’m learning this the hard way.
I was in pain, but my mind used this as a reason to keep going.
this is gone what is next because my dreams are crashing likes fly in a window.
It’s a little buzz but doesn’t get louder even if I try to scream.
I was told to let it out, but it doesn’t work.
Nothing comes out, nothing but air.
I try to fight, but nothing is near me.
Today was a trip, but now I’m at home.

Listen to this made-up story.
He was in love with his ex.
The new guy didn’t know.
He falls head over heels just too be broken twice.
Once for believing things would change.
second for thinking the guy is in love again,
Which was correct but with a different man
He didn’t know the truth until it was too late.
Neither got their perfect ending.
sadly this tale is true

If I just go, would you follow me?
If I go for a ride, would you join?
I want to believe you won’t leave me.
I think that you still care, but I think all a lie.
I want you to stay with me.
I want you to care if I was done.
I miss the old days, but you changed.
You don’t care about me as you used too.
I’m just awaiting piece ready for the next move.
Please just come back to me.
I still care.

You aren’t anything but words.
I made you
You try to destroy me, but it’s working.
I try to ignore you.
The words make a play script.
It’s a little movie in my head.
It seems to easy to give in.
I fight and fight.
You picked the wrong boy.
I’m a tough boy.
A smart boy.
Try again. I’m ready now.
Throw your best shot.

Give me time
I’m not over you.
This all just happen, stop asking me to be friends.
All I can say is give me a break.
I see you can move on. I loved you.
I guess you never did.
It’s been a year
I guess I’m just an old movie playing in the back of your mind.
Repaying on your bad days
But forgetting me on the good.
I wish this could change.
I can’t
I just can’t.

I’m sorry
I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect daughter because I’m not a girl.
I want to make you happy, but I’m slowly dying.
My mind keeps putting up a fight
I keep getting weaker.
I don’t want to fight with my self anymore
Why can’t I just shut up??
I want it to stop!
I want to be happy with our feeling scared!
But I can’t and I won’t
This is my new life.
I’m sorry for Changing, but I need to live.

Time for the same poem about the same things.
The right girl or the wrong boy.
The depression sad ones to make us cry.
Wanna be writers like me trying to make it.
All using the same topics but only some get  notice.
We are playing the same game in a small world.

It's ok not to be ok.
I was afraid of saying this for so long.
Depression doesn't live your body,
It just sticks with you for life.
It's ok to cry, let the tears be free.
Scream to let people know you aren't good.
Don't hide the broken from the world.
One day you will be fixed.
The first step is letting us know you need it.
Pain doesn't just go away.
I will be your guard from the bad.
First, I need to know what I'm fighting.

Please hold me tight and don’t let go.
I love him so much, but sadly it’s a horror movie.
He says I love you one second but doesn’t mean the next.
I scream, and he smiles.
I run, and he follows.
I wish this were all nightmare
Instead, it’s my reality.
I love him, but now I don’t.
One day I thought he would be my last.
Now I’m praying for the day he leaves.
All my friends think he the angel here to save me.
He’s just the devil waiting for me to give up.

I won’t let anyone hurt you.
I will save you from the darkness of the world.
All you will see is happiness and sunshine.
I will be by your side throughout the sad and evil or the sunny and cheery.
I will watch you grow to tell amazing girls.
Sharing memories all night about my past and your future.
Watching you smile while dad tells corny jokes.
While your mom takes you on walks all through the day.
Those bedtime stories will be dreams and tales to tell your kids one day.
Take one day at a time.
There is no reason to rush.

Please stop
I mean it!
I can’t do this!
I don’t want to fight you anymore.
We are meant to be together
So please leave.
I love you but
you make me feel so bad.
You are making me wish I never meet you.
I hope one day we can be together but not today.

Days are getting longer
Her voice is getting softer.
My friends tried to warn me
I didn’t listen.
My heart got too attached. Now it’s paying the price.
She left me, but now it is back.
I want to see her what if she leaves again?
My heart is not ready yet.

Winter
The snow keeps falling
People are falling in love.
The trees keep changing, just like people’s minds.
The memories of times come and go while drinking hot cocoa.
I watch the snowfall while thinking of her.
Knowing she is doing the same.
She loves the snow, and I like her.
I watch the snow, knowing I’m closer to her.

Listen
Please
I promise to be fast.
Your life is in danger, so follow me.
The love of your life is the monster.
He hides behind a wall of sadness
So far, he won’t be seen.
Text, go ahead!
He won’t respond
You think he is busy, haha.
If he loved you, he would respond.
He is locked away in his mind.
But you still want to go back.
Ok
I tried to warn you.

Hey
That's the last thing she said to me.
Next thing she is gone.
I wanted to tell her how much I wanted her.
I would never leave her side.
It’s too late now, thanks to people Like you.
Telling her, she won’t make it.
She was going to be my all.
I only have her photo and laughs in my mind.
I wish I could get those night backs.
I will never move on I promise

There is a girl who hides in the shadow, trying not to be heard
A boy is standing tall, but no one wants him.
Every day everyone says hi to the hidden girl but nothing to the strong boy.
They all call out hey Sophia but ever hi josh.
The world will only see what they want to believe is right.
The dying boy is standing firm with a smile.
While the hidden girls is just Trying to leave.
He is a trans man, but to the world, he is still A lonely girl.

Look at me
Look, I did it!
Always telling me I won’t make it.
Then how did I beat the race?
Looking ahead but seeing nothing but flowers... but now I didn’t win.
I lost and I will always lose.
I will never win because I have too much hope and don’t look at reality.
I don’t care what people say! I didn’t die so I won.
I didn’t live but I’m trying.
I didn’t fly to the top but I didn’t end on the floor.
Look I did it! I will always make it to my own goals.
It may not theirs but it’s mine

Tell me this happiness is all fake.
Tell me the broken heart is a toy messing all of its pieces.
I won’t believe this truth.
If I told him my heart was made of money, then he would keep it right?
Instead, just emotions failing to be shown.
Did he just want me to be heartless so I can’t fall in love with him?
He just wanted a doll, but I’m not that.
Does this mean I'm seeing the real truth

I'm sick of being second
Don’t call me to say that you miss me.
I spent all night crying over him.
I have no more tears to give, And my mind is racing of him.
Please tell me I’m still your number one.
I can’t stand to be your second, knowing he loves another girl.
That used to be, but now I watch him fall in love with his best friend.
When does the pain go away?

He fell out of love faster then he in fell in love with me/
I thought it was supposed to be the opposite, but I guess not.
My heart was still healing, but he moved on.
I watch this movie waiting for a better ending to find something.
I’m the sad lover waiting for a fairy tale that will ever come true.

Please go away anxiety
I don't want to hear how terrible I am.
It's not like I even care; I already know those things.
He forced it down my throat like old soup waiting for
Me to shallow the words.
If I throw it up, he will say it all over again until I lye in defeat
He laughs while I cry on the bed getting everything wet.
Knowing I won't fight back to scared for conflict and fights.

I was his everything, or that’s what he said.
He liked other girls, but I didn’t want to believe it.
I held on too long, so he knew that I wouldn’t let go.
I wanted us to be the end game, but all he wanted it to was a fling.
This was a year ago. Why can’t I let go?
I hold wondering if he will come to me
He ever has, but I still wait in shallow and petty.

Again
Why do I let this happen?
I should have kicked him out for good.
Now he’s back and I can’t stop crying every time he texts another girl.
Knowing he will leave me when they are free.
I don’t want to be a loser waiting for him to love me.
He’s the only that ever cared and I don’t want that to go away.
I can’t keep doing this to my self
I know he is bad for me but I want him!
When will this pain go away?
When Will I stop letting him come back?

Why would someone want me.
I seen the way how the world works.
I’ve seen many people live in my life and Not come back.
I have seen the way that people look at me with pity and sorrow.
I want someone to love who isn’t scared to speak who isn’t afraid to be themselves.
I’m sorry if I’m a little needy I’m sorry if I see the worst in things.
So would you if you seen what I’ve seen.

Pretty and sweet.
Quite enough not be seen but loud Enough to be heard.
She hides in the dark,
Shine's so bright in the light.
She shines are the darkest days.
Brings you happiness
Just to be thrown out 10 days later.

The first time
I feel my heart being fixed
The pain finally goes away.
I can finally see the sunshine
It’s still far away but in view.
I want to be free of the memories
Hoping it will just be history.

How I send a text
Hi......
oh crap was that too loud.
Heyyyyy that is why too many y’s.
How about a simple hello, but that sounds way to formal.
Ok this should work.... just say I think you are cute.
Sent
Ohhh no she has seen it but no replay... it must mine she doesn’t like me.
It’s all over it was fake anyway!
I should of seen this coming!
Wait
She is typing
She said I think you are cute too!

Hey to the pretty girl
Hey to the lonely boy waiting for someone to notice him.
Hey to the wannabe girls that are picking on the boy who justs friends.
Hi to the teacher who sits and does nothing but watches.
Hello to the boy that finally sits with the only boy instead of being mean.
I watch this all godown but who will be next.
This is school each day doing the same things until the cycle is ended.

If I gave her my heart will she drop it?
I just put it back together.
Afraid of the future knowing it always gets worse.
How many more heartbreaks until the pain stops?
I want to be free I already ran out of tissues but
Still have more tears to give.
My heart still aches but wants to move on,
I want to be first for once.