I wish my eyes could delete all sights I have of him.
Wishing that I never met the boy who was my first heart break.
There is good in all the bad,
I found love that of been gone if it wasn't for this pain.
One day I will be thankful for everything that has happen.
Today I just want to forget about the last words we said to each other.
I never thought this goodbye would be forever.

I missed you.
Always wondering where you went.
Didn't want to bother,
Thinking you were over me.
Reached out to say goodbye,
Only wishing to talk more than ever before.
My feelings for you hasn't faded.

Winter
The snow keeps falling
People are falling in love.
The trees keep changing, just like people’s minds.
The memories of times come and go while drinking hot cocoa.
I watch the snowfall while thinking of her.
Knowing she is doing the same.
She loves the snow, and I like her.
I watch the snow, knowing I’m closer to her.

Again
Why do I let this happen?
I should have kicked him out for good.
Now he’s back and I can’t stop crying every time he texts another girl.
Knowing he will leave me when they are free.
I don’t want to be a loser waiting for him to love me.
He’s the only that ever cared and I don’t want that to go away.
I can’t keep doing this to my self
I know he is bad for me but I want him!
When will this pain go away?
When Will I stop letting him come back?

Why does this always happen at the worst times?
Can I ever get a break or is my mind too damaged from the past?
I’m happy for thought until I heard your name again.
When my mind went blank and all that was left was my memories of him.
Tears dripped down my face as an exit for the sadness that he caused.
I think he will be forever.
One day he will be so small that it won't affect me.
Until then I sit on my floor waiting for it to pass.

I have a love-hate relationship with him.
It's getting really controlling fast.
If I start to smile,
He must steal the happiness away.
When I'm feeling set, he reminds me of my past.
Knowing all my confidence will disappear,
Then I would give him my attention again.
I tried to leave him a few times, but I always found my way back.

When they start to scream, my body starts to freeze.
I go back to when I was fourteen, afraid to step in.
Tuning the music up to tune the yelling out,
Hoping it ends better than the last one.
In the present moment,
I beg for this to change.
I use my voice to stop this home from turning into a regular house.
They keep hoping one night; their love will grow.
Knowing the true love left right before this all started.

Sweet but mouthy
Loving but destructive.
Every girl dreams bad boy.
The only rules he breaks is with your heart.
He knows how to cook, but how long are you staying?
He says he likes you only to hook up with another girl.
This is what I get for choosing a bad boy

He’s here again… just waiting by my door, waiting for me to let him enter.
I tell him to go away, but instead, he demands me to listen.
I try to block out his voice, but it gets louder and louder until it's too late.
Now he's here and won’t leave no matter how hard I try to get away.
I start to go numb from the fighting and the yelling.
I try my best not to give in to these plans,
Hoping for it all to disappear.
He's always waiting for his time to break me down again.
Until he decides that I’m old news and moves on to someone more worthy of this pain.

He hated living,
Making everyone suffer in his Presents.
She couldn't have more joy to give,
Barely needing sleep to survive.
He planned to leave this earth every other month.
She only wanted adventures,
Willing to risk anything for fun.
He hardly could leave his house,
Hoping this day, he wouldn't have to fight to stay alive.
He wanted to be her; she feared everything about him.

I love a closed book.
Every day is a new page,
A lot of adventures ahead.
Every word is sticking to my Brian.
I’m the blank page, she is my ink
Our story will last forever
Even we don’t.

Please don't break my heart,
I know fairy tales don't exist for people like me.
The love will fade. It always does,
Not for me, though. I will be stuck on him for as long as my heart lets me.
I love him,
Though Young love rarely makes it to the finish ends.
If the day ever comes when he's not in my life, I know it will be for good reasons.
Please don't leave my side until there is no other choice.

I feel her heartbreaking as the tears roll down her cheeks,
Wishing I could carry her pain even for a second.
She looks up and says she will be ok,
With a broken smile.
I felt her heartbreak the second she opened her mouth,
Hoping she knows I'm not going anywhere.
We sit waiting for a moment to bring dryness to her eyes.
It hurts knowing I can't do anything but love her from afar.
I feel her heart slowly, realizing it's going to be whole again.

I loved her.
I really did,
It wasn't meant to be.
I will fall many more times and cry way too much over someone who didn't even care.
I wasn't meant to be the heart breaker.
One day all the tears and broken promises will be worth it.

Why can’t happiness last?
The smile is starting to fade,
Days are feelings like years.
I can’t even think of her anymore
Without crying for months.
My heart has been on the line
I think it's time finally to give up.
She doesn’t even notice how much I love her.
I was with her after each breakup,
Hoping one day her pain would go away.
Will she ever let me go or hold on until she is ready?

I was never the pretty girl,
Instead of the shadow lurking.
The other girl laughed and teased.

I was never the pretty girl,
The girl inside was gone.
The boy started to grow to scared to breathe.

Hiding behind broken words
Slowing growing stronger,
Almost broke free.

I was never the pretty girl.
I was the broken boy, hidden
In a mask of my own body
Learning to smile with sports bras and beanies.
He tried to scream but never heard.

I was the broken girl,
That turned into the
Handsome man.

I miss him, I miss him with every part of my body.
The days won’t stop, but my heart does.
I never knew what a broken heart was until one summer day.
The colors stop shining and the sun went away.
All that was left was screaming all around me.
I realized It was all in my head.
I wish I never let him in.
I wish he didn't get a chance to love me.
Now I'm left alone.

If I gave her my heart will she drop it?
I just put it back together.
Afraid of the future knowing it always gets worse.
How many more heartbreaks until the pain stops?
I want to be free I already ran out of tissues but
Still have more tears to give.
My heart still aches but wants to move on,
I want to be first for once.

I held my breath in my own house,
Hoping not to be heard.
I closed my eyes to escape to another land far away.
I held back my voice,
afraid to say the wrong words.
I turn the music up to block the yelling coming through the walls.
Some things never change.

I never understood how messed up he was,
Looking normal to the outside eye.
The house kept in the fights that lasted hours.
He got his hands on her mind.
She lost all her control,
Believing his twisted words.
Now all the blame is put on the innocent.

You aren’t anything but words.
I made you
You try to destroy me, but it’s working.
I try to ignore you.
The words make a play script.
It’s a little movie in my head.
It seems to easy to give in.
I fight and fight.
You picked the wrong boy.
I’m a tough boy.
A smart boy.
Try again. I’m ready now.
Throw your best shot.

The group of twelve trying to fiqure out how to live life again.
Parties ever night but not knowing when to stop.
Laughing and giggling over the boys that will live next store.
Stories are being written that last will forever.
Each night is feeling like a second but days are lasting forever.
The group that will going down together or making emeies at the end.

Give me a chance,
I swear it will be worth it.
My love is as strong as the truth I have in him.
My love will last longer than anything he ever wants.
Give me a chance,
I promise it won't go to waste.
I'll be there whenever I hear your pain over the phone.
No matter the time, I will be over before the call ends.
Give me a chance,
I swear it will be worth it.

Thank you for making my childhood the wonderful land of candy smelling bedrooms.
Love that covered the house falls to make sure we never felt alone.
Working long hours to make sure we could do everything we wanted.
She was watching us run in meets even if it took hours to get, though.
They were never second-guessing us when we didn’t feel right.
Always checking to make sure we are doing ok.
Never making us do things we didn’t want to do.
Family vacations meant scrip booking and walked in the woods.
Late night drinks by the fireplace.
Always making the family smile.

When I compare my parents to a cloud this is what I mean.
They can go from beautiful to deadly within minutes.
A warning spreads as soon as there is a chance of it coming.
No one says a word each trying to protect them selfs.
Everyone hopes for the best but fears the worst.
Only one person ever tries to stop them before it gets too late.
I watch the sky for a warning of what will happen next.
Hoping this will be the last of it.

How
I can’t be mad at her
She did nothing wrong.
I was stopping her from getting
Better.
My heart was on the line
I thought she could be the one.
Instead I’m not hungry and wishing
To disappear.
I wish she wanted me.
I wish she fought for me.
I wish I was enough because I feel like it’s all my fault.
I’m crying over her,
she doesn’t even miss me.

I’m sorry you love a damaged heart,
I only know two sides to a story, either heartfelt or torture.
It’s hard to put down my shields that’s been guarding me for years.
I’m sorry I’m the one you wanted,
It’s not too late to walk out.

The darkness is coming.
Are you ready for the faith of your loved ones?
No one saw this coming but me.
I saw the signs of the world ending,
no one believed me.
Now everyone wants my help,
I'm sorry you choose your battle.
The darkness is here.

The night was cold,
Everything was different.
Her heart turned black
Nothing could help her.
She kept a smile, masking the sadness from the world.

Please stop
I mean it!
I can’t do this!
I don’t want to fight you anymore.
We are meant to be together
So please leave.
I love you but
you make me feel so bad.
You are making me wish I never meet you.
I hope one day we can be together but not today.

I won’t let anyone hurt you.
I will save you from the darkness of the world.
All you will see is happiness and sunshine.
I will be by your side throughout the sad and evil or the sunny and cheery.
I will watch you grow to tell amazing girls.
Sharing memories all night about my past and your future.
Watching you smile while dad tells corny jokes.
While your mom takes you on walks all through the day.
Those bedtime stories will be dreams and tales to tell your kids one day.
Take one day at a time.
There is no reason to rush.

Dear Kristina,
our mom will no longer see me in a wedding dress and walking down the ally.
I will no longer wear bikini’s on the beach but hide my body under a coat of sadness.
Hoping that one day I can walk without a shirt on and show off my scars.
The day I get those scars will be a day of victory.
I will never hear my kids call me mom.
They will never see me face depression from hiding Lake from the world. I know this battle may lose family
I would lose them than she’d bleed.
I tried to keep inside for so long but the longer I did that the closer I got to death.
The way a suit makes me cry of joy instead of a dress of shame.
I learned to fake it trying on my dad's suit when he wasn’t home.
Too embarrassed to be seen didn’t want to be the disappointed daughter.
Heres the thing I’m not his daughter anymore.
That shipped sailed after finding out I can hide my chest from the world.
Learning how to tie ties from youtube and being so proud of my self.
That day I wanted to cry of joy, I’m not mad it took 19 years to find this out but glad it came at all.
Just to say I finally did it aren’t you proud mom. I’m happy now the day finally came.

From lake cell- the better you.

I'm sick of being second
Don’t call me to say that you miss me.
I spent all night crying over him.
I have no more tears to give, And my mind is racing of him.
Please tell me I’m still your number one.
I can’t stand to be your second, knowing he loves another girl.
That used to be, but now I watch him fall in love with his best friend.
When does the pain go away?

The pretty girl
I’m too scared to get close,
She can leave me any day.
I have been told don’t be afraid it will be ok.
Everyone else I liked left me why would she be any different.
I like the all nighters hoping tomorrow I get to see her again.
What if I wake up and this all a dream?
What if the fairytale girl isn’t real...
No here it comes the next saying she doesn’t want me.
I was always ready for this.

She didn’t know that this would be her last words.
She didn’t think kissing her boyfriend would be her goodbye.
The world didn’t give her a fear chance.
Instead of crying so put on a smile
The smile masked her so well no one could see hind it.
Little did they know she stayed up all night wishing to be gone.
Writing letters all night long
Putting them under the bed not be found.
She tried to fight but let go
No one knew why the happy girl was gone

I wish to hold her tight until the sun comes up.
I shall scream her name across the cities, love her until my love runs out.
I will show her the world one day at a time until we hit every city.
I will never stop giving her all my heart if she accepts it.
She is part of me that I can't get enough of, the person I want to wake up to every day.
She is everything I need.
If only she was still there when I opened my eyes.

I didn’t think I would be falling this soon,
His voice keeps me dreaming when I should be awake.
I wish I was in his arms,
He’s too far gone to think of me in that way.

There I am
Nothing but darkness.
I see my body laying on the floor.
Is it lifeless or just giving up?
I hear a voice telling me to fight,
I wonder why?
Is this a nightmare that just begun?
I must hurry to the end, there is no light how can I see?
There is a Shadow that is looking at me.
I Run and try to keep my balance and
Nothing seems the same.
I finally see the exit, what if this is trick?
I see the water around me.
Wait, Why are you here?
Well, you help me, please?
I tell my self to wake up!
Finally, I’m safe once again.

The way it turned
I took your love and messed it up.
I wanted him to feel the same pain.
Somethings don’t go as planned,
I got hurt in the end.
I didn’t think he had it in him to start a fire,
I guess not everyone is the same.
My heart broke in 100 pieces
Each smaller then the last.
All that is left is his voice hanging around my dying body.
This could of stopped if i just I’m sorry.

I don't want to fall again,
I'm not afraid of falling in love.
I'm scared to lose someone close.
All the memories will slowly disappear,
When I fall, will you promise to let me down easy?
I want to remember the good.

I think I'm falling,
Today we both got teary for each other.
All the happy memories are getting too real,
I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I'm falling for him,
His looks say the same.
I hope I never wake up if I'm dreaming.

Please stay!
I need you.
Will anyone hear my screams?
Maybe the tears drown out the noise.
Please stay one more night,
I fear the darkness that will follow.
I'm scared of the person I have seen in the mirror.
Please stay,
I beg someone to wake me up from this nightmare

You aren’t a real boy.
The words haunt me.
My dad looks at me and then let out his dark thoughts after one too many beers.
Telling me, I give him nightmares for wanting to look a real man.
he is  asking me why I’m doing this just for attention.
Just like the blue hair and being gay.
I’m nothing in eyes.
He feels terrible, so he adds I love you to fix it all.
I’m still under is spell trying to get out but too scared to fight back.
He doesn’t understand how being trans saved my life.
I finally want to live.

I remember the first time she smiled my way.
It was the last time I felt Star stuck.
My mind was racing as fast as my heart,
Didn't know if I was going to be ok.
Thought It was all dream until it happen again.
She came up to me and asked if was ok.
I said I can't talk when she is near,
Too afraid to embarrass my self.
All she did was laugh,
Told me she was scared I didn't feel the same about her.

Pretty and sweet.
Quite enough not be seen but loud Enough to be heard.
She hides in the dark,
Shine's so bright in the light.
She shines are the darkest days.
Brings you happiness
Just to be thrown out 10 days later.

I fly; I fly until I can't anymore.
I fly; I fly until everything makes sense.
I wonder if one day I can finally stay in one place.
I fly again, hoping it will seem like a small memory in the end.

Fly high
I miss you everyday, wondering when I will wake up from this nightmare.
I replay memories in my head of us together.
The walks that made me smile,
Make me cry instead.
I try to think of the good times but the saddens takes over.
My heart is broken but healing slowly.
I know you are watching me from above.
I know when it snows it’s you saying hi

Why did he stop caring for me?
I was told every day that it would never fade.
The day it stopped was the day I never looked at him the same.
Why did he break the one promise he ever told.
I thought I was enough until I heard the way he talked about his “friend.”
His smile got more extensive, and his stories kept changing.
I never made him pick, but if I did, I know who he would choose.
Why was she better than me?

The one who will be there at midnight,
To watch over your shoulder.
The one who sings when the day gets dark,
Laughs until there is nothing to be sad about.
Listens for hours no matter what is going on.
Stays through the storms,
Brings an umbrella when it starts to pour.

Blonde hair, blue, green eyes.
Standing there all tall and proud.
He says to himself, I made it.
At that moment, he throws his cap up in the air.
His family cheers from the sidelines.