The pretty girl
I’m too scared to get close,
She can leave me any day.
I have been told don’t be afraid it will be ok.
Everyone else I liked left me why would she be any different.
I like the all nighters hoping tomorrow I get to see her again.
What if I wake up and this all a dream?
What if the fairytale girl isn’t real...
No here it comes the next saying she doesn’t want me.
I was always ready for this.

Dear Kristina,
our mom will no longer see me in a wedding dress and walking down the ally.
I will no longer wear bikini’s on the beach but hide my body under a coat of sadness.
Hoping that one day I can walk without a shirt on and show off my scars.
The day I get those scars will be a day of victory.
I will never hear my kids call me mom.
They will never see me face depression from hiding Lake from the world. I know this battle may lose family
I would lose them than she’d bleed.
I tried to keep inside for so long but the longer I did that the closer I got to death.
The way a suit makes me cry of joy instead of a dress of shame.
I learned to fake it trying on my dad's suit when he wasn’t home.
Too embarrassed to be seen didn’t want to be the disappointed daughter.
Heres the thing I’m not his daughter anymore.
That shipped sailed after finding out I can hide my chest from the world.
Learning how to tie ties from youtube and being so proud of my self.
That day I wanted to cry of joy, I’m not mad it took 19 years to find this out but glad it came at all.
Just to say I finally did it aren’t you proud mom. I’m happy now the day finally came.

From lake cell- the better you.

I had to loose my other half to find my soulmate.
The break up was the hardest but the person I found was all worth it.
I didn’t like the pain now I have the world.
I gave up many months of laughs to fill it with forever memories.
He didn’t like my notes now she is begging for more.
He was afraid of emotion she is giving me all her love.
I gave up my world to gain my soulmate.
He was right I’m heart break closer to my forever home.

The sweet girl from her.
The words that couldn’t stop me smiling even if I try.
Wanting to stay up all night talking, Planning all the adventures.
Laughing and blushing from a single text message. Waiting to learn more about what makes her smile on the darkest day. Knowing it’s only been a few days but already having a crush on her.

I’m gone
The happiness left.
All that is left is saddens.
Here the birds singing,
Telling me to run.
I asked where they said anywhere your mind is coming.
Why i am running from my own mind?
I must be my worst friend.
Help me please! I need to run!
I heard a girl telling me to follow her, I do.
Oh no it was my Brain.
Please help me escape
I can’t stay here. It will **** me.
I will wait it’s been 3 years, I can wait another day.

Are you leaving me for her?
What did I do to deserve this?
That’s the last things I said to him.
He left me for another, I hope she is better.
Does she know The way you laugh at little things?
I hope she treats you better then me.
This better work out because you lost me, the day you picked her over me.
The day you left me crying on your bed.
I thought you were my end game but now I’m watching your Twitter for updates.
Please tell me it was worth it.
Please tell me this wasn’t for nothing

Hi
Do you remember me?
No
Ok
Let me tell you a story
You were my first love,
You were my only reason for happiness.
One day you left out of the blue.
Before this, you told me I was everything.
The cherry to your Sunday.
I beloved you.
I wish I didn’t.
Bye now

I don’t want to die
I also don’t want to live in fear of my life.
Everyday hoping not to give in to the devil
Thinking life it's better just to be blindsided.
Where are you?
I was with you from the start now I’m talking to the walls.
Hoping someone will hear my screams
No one ever does.
It's been three years since I last smiled.
Once again where are you?
I never gave up even when I was on the edge.
I guess love isn’t strong enough,
Now I stand on the bridge
Hoping to find met up for once.
Do you want me? I will give you my life.
Please I need you.

How
I can’t be mad at her
She did nothing wrong.
I was stopping her from getting
Better.
My heart was on the line
I thought she could be the one.
Instead I’m not hungry and wishing
To disappear.
I wish she wanted me.
I wish she fought for me.
I wish I was enough because I feel like it’s all my fault.
I’m crying over her,
she doesn’t even miss me.

My first love
He was my first love.
The way he made me laugh was filled with 100 smiles.
I couldn’t get enough of his calming voice, it always made my day.
Then things took a turn.
The goodnight text disappeared,
I was blind sided by love to see it.
To see the ending of our love.
I wished my love was strong enough for two, it never came close to your hateful words.
I loved you turned into ways to shut me up. I shouldn’t of trusted love at first sight.

Hello
What was it?
Was I too nice and caring?
I tried to love him
But it wasn’t enough.
He thinks I’m going to come back.
My heart broke in two waiting for him to want me back.
I thought I didn’t deserves happiness but my mind was clouded with his words,
My Lungs were filled with hate
Now I found the light.

Back again
Doing the same thing.
Nothing feels real anymore,
Are we in a book?
When will the happy ending come
Will there be one?
I fear there will be part two.
No one knowing how to act
All the things now disappear.
Toilet paper being used as weapons.
The poor suffer as the rich take it all.

I can’t keep living this way,
In fear of missing you.
I want to laugh at the past,
All I do is cry instead.
I hope one day we meet again,
It may be sooner nowadays.
My world is dark, my smile is blank.
Why did no one tell me depression was my fate.

I miss him, I miss him with every part of my body.
The days won’t stop, but my heart does.
I never knew what a broken heart was until one summer day.
The colors stop shining and the sun went away.
All that was left was screaming all around me.
I realized It was all in my head.
I wish I never let him in.
I wish he didn't get a chance to love me.
Now I'm left alone.

Stop it!!
I hear him.
Hear who?
The voice in my head telling me to go.
He said, trust me, follow me to the bath.
I go and only see my reflection
It's staring back at me with a grin.
I scream it's not time yet
He doesn’t care.
I scream louder to get away,
I see everyone staring at me but why?
Did no one else see this?
I found out it was in my mind.

All I can do is cry
My hope is done with us.
I wanted this to least
There is nothing to fix.
Your heart never let his arms
While mine waiting to be loved.
I wish I could be him.
I wish I could stop your pain.
Go back in time and fix the mistake
If it’s true love why didn’t it work?
All they can say is nothing
Even that is too much.
Go!
I’m not holding you back.

I now know I will never be enough.
I wish I was his ex.
He must have been really in love.
Watch me spread my wings,
He will regret this soon.
No, he won’t
I’m not this high school sweet hurt,
Not the one that makes him smile.
He wanted a rebound and I was easy to get too.
Thinking we would get married only to watch him leave in a minute.
I hope his ex understands he never fell out of love.
He tried to move on but his heart stayed.

She didn’t know that this would be her last words.
She didn’t think kissing her boyfriend would be her goodbye.
The world didn’t give her a fear chance.
Instead of crying so put on a smile
The smile masked her so well no one could see hind it.
Little did they know she stayed up all night wishing to be gone.
Writing letters all night long
Putting them under the bed not be found.
She tried to fight but let go
No one knew why the happy girl was gone

I love a closed book.
Every day is a new page,
A lot of adventures ahead.
Every word is sticking to my Brian.
I’m the blank page, she is my ink
Our story will last forever
Even we don’t.

I’m sorry you let me in
Now I’m a broken puzzle
All the pieces are broken.
Things won’t change,
Tape won’t cover the missing parts.
I thought you loved me.
I was just an object in your life.
I kept trying to make it work,
I just got a fire thrown at me.
If this love,
I don’t want to love anymore.

I love Him i do
I'm scared for the future
I put my heart the line and got hurt.
I couldn’t listen to the song from our first kiss.
I’m putting my trust in your hands.
He hurt me once, I believe we are end game.
I want a future with him but what if doesn’t  he want me back.
I have seen the way my dad ripped out girls hearts like a Game.
I’m sorry if he doesn’t want me.
I will again tomorrow

All the lost time is catching up with me.
I wish I didn’t leave her,
I lost my first love.
I see her happy with a different boy.
All the new inside jokes and laughs,
That should me.
I should be holding her tight
Please forgive me
I can’t take this pain anymore.

There I am
Nothing but darkness.
I see my body laying on the floor.
Is it lifeless or just giving up?
I hear a voice telling me to fight,
I wonder why?
Is this a nightmare that just begun?
I must hurry to the end, there is no light how can I see?
There is a Shadow that is looking at me.
I Run and try to keep my balance and
Nothing seems the same.
I finally see the exit, what if this is trick?
I see the water around me.
Wait, Why are you here?
Well, you help me, please?
I tell my self to wake up!
Finally, I’m safe once again.

I’m sorry for all the lies
The mean words that hurt.
The long nights of screaming
I didn’t mean any of it.
I love her.
My heart stops when I hear her voice.
How to prove to the world that I’m enough?
I won’t stop loving her.
I will sell my soul for this,
Never stop looking if she moves.
I find my other half
She would be here with me
If it wasn’t for you.

Is this love?
Fearing for the dark spot
Getting used to screaming sounding like music.
Hoping one day all of this will be gone.
He said he loved me.
Isn’t that enough?
The words are covered in lost love.
I love you, is turning into an empty lie
This is no dream just too tired to start over.
Wishing for the past to come back.

The way it turned
I took your love and messed it up.
I wanted him to feel the same pain.
Somethings don’t go as planned,
I got hurt in the end.
I didn’t think he had it in him to start a fire,
I guess not everyone is the same.
My heart broke in 100 pieces
Each smaller then the last.
All that is left is his voice hanging around my dying body.
This could of stopped if i just I’m sorry.

The day of lost
The day I won’t forget.
The screaming of happiness blocked out by madness .
Candy hearts turned into poison.
The memories sting but never disappear.
Love is the word that keeps us waiting.
I lost my love but at least I’m not gone.
Waiting each year for a rose that won’t turn into lies.

I can’t look anymore,
All I see is mistakes of letting her go.
She wanted me to fight ,
I gave up after the first glare.
I didn’t want to be broken so I destroyed her instead.
She loved me but I didn’t want my feelings on the line.
Now I want her back.
Now I cry and she glows.

I hate that I love you.
I didn’t ask to want to live,
now I don’t want to go.
I hear your voice and it makes
Me cry.
I never felt happy before this.
They see though my fake feelings
It’s  nothing but truths.
I love the moments I spend with him,
I hate that I want to live

I was never the pretty girl,
Instead of the shadow lurking.
The other girl laughed and teased.

I was never the pretty girl,
The girl inside was gone.
The boy started to grow to scared to breathe.

Hiding behind broken words
Slowing growing stronger,
Almost broke free.

I was never the pretty girl.
I was the broken boy, hidden
In a mask of my own body
Learning to smile with sports bras and beanies.
He tried to scream but never heard.

I was the broken girl,
That turned into the
Handsome man.

I want to get better
but then I won’t have her in my life.
She is a mystery to my boring ways
Always telling me not to get caught.
One would say the devil to my shoulder
I would say the voice that wants to get heard.
I need her to feel something but she is the poison
To my mind.

In-person they love me,
Over text, it’s like a desert.
I wish for rain but I only have my
tears.

Fly high
I miss you everyday, wondering when I will wake up from this nightmare.
I replay memories in my head of us together.
The walks that made me smile,
Make me cry instead.
I try to think of the good times but the saddens takes over.
My heart is broken but healing slowly.
I know you are watching me from above.
I know when it snows it’s you saying hi

Leave
Stop coming back
I said goodbye and I meant it .
I can’t stand seeing you without crying.
All the memories are still with me.
I try to kick them out but it’s stuck on replay.
I listen to the text messages when I sleep,
I guess I just wanted you to stay
I close my eyes and hope it this was all a nightmare.
I wake up and he’s not next to me.

I felt whole until she left.
I lost a piece of me and the memories too.
I can’t think of her without crying.
It was my fault for trusting someone new.
This is why I don’t open up now my trust is gone.
I gave her my heart she crushed it without even knowing
Goodbye kisses turned into shouts.
My world turned upside down.

Truth hurts
She gave him all she had
But got nothing in return.
She stayed up all night waiting
For a text.
He stayed up flirting with other girls.
She missed wanted him so badly
He only wanted one girl, she wasn’t it.
She is waiting for that to change.
He doesn’t even notice her.

He used her.
He was the pretty boy with brown eyes
Hair was smoother than a new blanket.
She was the shy girl
Hiding behind words on a blank page.
She loved him
He used that to hurt her in every way.

How much louder do her cries have to be to get heard?
Her mouth is getting tired of screaming for help.
Her tears are like the end of a sad movie.
If you looked up the warning signs of sucide
There will be a photo of her.
She try to wipe away the fears but then she would be gone.
She is too weak to fight forever
But too afraid to give up.

I’m in a field of nothing
I look for the opening, its hard not to think.
I clear my mind and fill it up with drugs to
Stop the emotions.
The field is my mind, there is no going back.
The weather is my emotions changes every few minutes,
One second it is sunny and chill.
The next second is the storm of nasty words and
Sharp objects.
The worst is the last the snow of numbness
When it touches get I confused and lost.
The field will grow one day
One day I will see the pretty views over the icy rivers.

When the smile starts to fade.
Love may slowly go away.
But not slow enough to forget all the memories.
Even the laughs that made every second feel like a dream will leave.
All the photos that I delete myself from crying still pop up like a picture book.
All the stories are running through my mind waiting to be deleted with all the rest.
My mind is like a movie slowly turning into a horror movie.

She wanted his attention,
But only got left on read.
She treated him like a king
He played her like a video game.
She was heartbroken, all he did was
Laugh.
Her heart healed and his started to break.

I miss her,
She was the snowflakes on a boring day.
Her laugh is buzzing to an angled ear.
The good days felt like a dream that could last forever.
The bad days ended up in hell, used as Torture for the crazy.
I screamed waiting for the nightmare to end
Only finding out that it just started.
My life played on a jumbo screen thinking each second will be my last.
She said I love you.
I said I love you too.
But is this love, fearing for the bad days
And missing the good?

I get closer to the end,
I see the monsters calling me in.
I say no and stand my ground, how long will this be.
When will I give in? It’s disguise as free will and laughs.
It's hidden behind good times and no regret.
The truth is saddening family members and goodbye notes.
It’s crying friends and new stories.
Attention wannabe hide lies and rumors
The monsters seem nice, why not say hi?

The snow glitters in the sunlight
Wind pushes it side to side, making a mess.
The taste of hot cocoa on my lips while watching
A family movie. Listing to the soft sound of laughing with all the joy of a little kid.
Waiting for a snow day wishing, the lottery will happen. The feeling of late-night stories by the fire.
The one pill to cure anything bad.

I let her in, in return
I got destroyed.
I showed my weakness, all I got
Was fake sorry. My house is filled with
Roses. I told her how that means nothing to me.
She tore my heart in two and watched me fall to the ground.
I trusted her, now all I can say is sorry. Even when I hear I love you,
I’m waiting for the end. It's hard to love someone when everything good is taken.
When I say I love you know I went through hell to get here. Please don’t hurt me again.
I can’t take it.

I’m sorry
It's the losing words,
I give up and don’t want to fight.
I can’t take seeing mad faces so I lay myself down to get walked over.
After a while, I got used to it.
I learned how to hide my emotions
Behind a locked door that will never open.
Try all you got and see that it will never move
Not even an inch.
If I hit the floor, I can't go lower.