I've read of disaster
I've imagined catastrophe
But nothing prepared
For the moment it happened to me

In fact, instead of more real
My world became surreal
But this time I couldn't turn the pages
Stuck in the realest of unreal cages

At dusk, my nightmares breathed
And my demons grinned in glee
But my body was frozen
Like maybe stillness could save me

But in this, my worst of dreams,
Honesty's the monster, reality my enemy
And the more they show their ugly faces
The more my happily ever after loses pages

Because the unthinkable to me
Was an option somewhere in his psyche
So in the ruins of my plans for the future
I choose to escape this saddest of stupors

Dear You of the spotlight
At the center of everyone's view

I hope that among the glamor and glitter
There is someone who sees what's true

That in your endless music they hear
The piece of you that you've disguised

That while every loves the perfect you,
They'll love the real you you hide inside

That when you trip along the way
They'll be there to catch you at those times

That as you wonder, "can I do it all?"
"You can and you're not alone", they'll chime

And finally,

That as everyone takes something from you They'll give their everything to you

From: The shadows
To: you of the spotlight
At the center of everyone's view

I came back to my genesis
Back to hazy house of my past
Where my family still grows
And mem'ries still flow
Many strong and fast

But something's just not right
In this place I should belong
Every "familiar" feels so different
Like hollow, empty imprints
And on top of all the wrong

Here I feel claustrophobic.

Yesterday I really needed to be seen

But I wasn't,

                         and it hurts

Today, I woke, determined

To find someone who feels invisible

New Year's Resolutions
Are like letters to Santa

They were more fun
When I was younger

Now I ask Santa for college supplies
And my NYR is to survive the semester

I will forever be the "make it work" kid
Born to take what I am given
The "actually this is even better" girl
"Leave it better than it was" kind of living

I'll take a bad and find the good
Take the good and make it great
Infuse the great with some laughter
Forcing trials to blessings by sheer mental strength

Until I made a friend who was perfect
Who made the hard times breezy
And fair weather days even better
So strong she made life look easy

Until I met a boy who was kind
And thinks the world of imperfect me
Who was raised to be a gentleman
A safe space where I feel free

I guess some things just come wonderful
They don't need to be made better
Reminding that rainbows come from rain
And there's a true upside to every weather

I fought for the confidence
To say I like who I am

To believe that I am worth the war
And I am proud of this victory
Above any other

if every moment is a chance to create
a time to grow, a moment to make
then why do I wait for another time
to make the dream me truly mine

I blend in
I bloom by the wall
I fade into the background
At the edge of where the spotlight falls

Enough light to survive
To be seen by some eyes
Who stop and care for a moment
But only give out goodbyes

I'm not flashy
Not fabulous
But still worth seeing
And knowing I promise

I have good to give
Maybe unconventionally strong
I'm just afraid that to be known
Means also to be stepped on

I think I'll go for a wander
Taking a left or right,
whichever way takes longer

Down a road I've never seen
To an adventure I've never imagined
And become something I've never been

Doesn't matter where or when
As long as I come back different

Warning:

Crossing a writer's path
Means becoming part of their world
It means being apart of their words

Maybe as a muse
Maybe as a shade
Maybe as the home
We return to everyday

We do not forget
So rest assured sure, for better or worse
You are somewhere
In all the words we've written

Oh how, how can I help you see?

That you were never a bucket full of holes
But a watering can

That you never dragged me down
You were my anchor

That you weren't spinning out of control
You were a compass

That you didn't fail because you fell
You were a shooting star

And you were everything I wished for

I'm so glad God
Didn't give me what I wanted

Because what I wanted
Was so much less than He gave me

Because I never could have imagined
Someone as wonderful as you

So I thank God that you
Were the miracle that I needed

I know you're hurting
I'll take it all, tell me everything
Every scar, every terror
And we'll cry together
For every bleeding wound

You worry of ruining my life
By pulling me into the night
But I walk in willingly!!
For the world without you (truly)
Would be one of shadows anyway

I love you enough to be honest
Even when it's hardest
And to let you close when I'm weakest
Though I'd rather you not see this
Because you've come and you've stayed
Through the blackest nights
And the longest days

I love you enough to have listened
With judgement suspended
And to push you to grow
And hold you when you're low
I love you enough to see your demons
And not see you differently
Because you really aren't them

I'll love you with my words
Until you believe what you've heard
And when my words aren't up to *****
When they don't say enough
I'll have my actions speak
And pick up the trail
Where my words ceased

I lost you, and that's when
I found where I loved you

You were part of my foundation
Now you're gone and so's my coordination
A train with broken tracks
Without you, can I reach any destination?

You were the wall at my back
Now I fall and no one's there to catch
Now I fight enemies on both sides
From my future and my past

You took torn parts of me with you
When you left the places where I loved you

Would that I could see the world
Where the wind wields its power

I'd spin with the sprites in the leaves
And sway with the tricksters in the trees

Find friends in the fairies wrecking fences
And follow wisps that whistle from windows

Hitch a ride on a hippogriff in a hurricane
And be blown back home with a history nobody will believe

She lived in a haze
Of happy days
Till somehow she lost the sun

Lost in dark mist
Finally she tripped
Little pieces of her fell, one by one

Couldn't explain from the inside
To everyone else on the outside
That something was truly wrong

So she filled the holes
With the stories she told
And ended better than as she had begun

Death is like the wind

Unexpected, shocking every time
Cold to the bone, affecting every life
Quick as a flash or slow as a sigh
Brings tears to stinging eyes
Always there in the fall
Bound, in the end, to freeze us all

How can I not love
the God who gave me wings?

And then

How can I not change
when all He asks is this one thing?

Choose your words wisely

To capture a heart wholly

For they wander easily

Unless love anchors them firmly

I want you to be my forever
But I don't need you to be

And of course it will break my heart
If you decide to leave

But it will not break my soul
This will not be the end of my story

And with all that said and true
I can feel the dread fill my body

That something I can't change
Will make you unable to love me

That I'll lose out on a future with you
Because I am sick and there is no remedy

The world is splendid
Just become some words exist
And elicit pure emotion like

Sinister and Sundance
Miserly malevolence
Traipsing troubadors
Effervescence and efficacy
Roguish racketeering
Peevish, and prismatic
Incandescent and inundated
Flippant, frivolous, fictitious
Beleaguered and boarish
Opulent and obstructive
Gaunt and Gallavanting
Visceral and villainous
Whimsical wanderlust

A list that could flowing infinitely
And thankfully it does

Everyone fears pain and death
And after it's over, what will be left
But don't forget tragedy
Can bring us some clarity
About what really matters
When the whole world shatters
Because nobody could care about
The color of your skin if they believe
They will never see you again
We can't argue about sexuality
When we are worried about mortality
We can't put work before family
In the midst of this anomaly
There's no fight, democratic vs republic
When hospital beds are the home of the public
How could we ever fight a war with guns
When a virus is killing us all, old and young
When the war is inside our very lungs
I think we can afford to bite our tongues
Because to strip away contention
Is to leave only compassion
How much good could we do as a whole
If only we thought with the heart and soul
We're born to do good and live to be better
So when we die, we rise with a soul unfettered

I love the flaws on my body
Freckles, scars, and stretch marks
And wrinkles are my favorite
Some are from frowns
And many more from grins
I love them all because
I never thought I'd have any of them

I never thought
I'd make it this far

But I did
So I'll add
And add

Until my collection of stories
Marks me
From head to foot

And then I think
I'll tell all my children
How wonderful wrinkles are

Can you feel it?
Your soul crawl under your skin
As you pretend to be everything
They want you to be

Can you see it?
In your mind's eye
How their faces would twist
From happy to hateful

Can you hear it?
Your own words as
They writhe into one more story
And choke you

Can you know it?
No, this is how you test
The love that entwined you and them
Because maybe honesty means freedom

Your mind is an artisan of words,

Infusing the mundane with fantasy

Crafting dreams to reality



So pick it up like a pen

And write yourself a better story