Love is not the thing
Of films or fantasy,
Because love is between people,
And people are ****** hard,
Especially thee,
But so much more so me,

Love is what we find and found
In the roughest of times,
When argument ceased in favour
Of helping and caring,
In reaching out to the one
In who's hands resides your heart,

And heart is where love is,
Heart not head nor gut,
Not head nor sexuality,
But heart with all its
Irrationality and passion,
Because heart,

And love,

Mean everything

I have always been a warrior,
Full of the energy
That gets **** done,
A powerful man,
A tank,
Going where and with and doing
Whatever the heck
I want,

But, like a tank,
Impervious to the hurts
Of others
The pain and damage caused
To roads and hearts,
A tracked and nacissistic
Behemoth of - as now I see -
Blind unthinking chaos,

Well no more of that ****,
With all that I am done,
For I have found the joyous freedom
To be gained by removing my helm,
Opening the turret,
To see and admit
My mistakes
And drive with consideration,

I cannot mend the roads
Nor undo all the harm Ive wrought,
But I can be transparent now,
Humble and chastened too,
Rediscover that better me,
The one worth loving,
That authentic James
And I can make a gift of him,

Of me

To you

Is something I can teach,
At sea or on land,
Use of a compass
And a parallel rule,
Dividers and a plotter,
All to find out where I am
Where I wish to be
And what course to steer,

In matters of the heart,
Also - as do we all -
I do my best to plot
A course to best effect,
But lately I have been
All at sea in darkness,
Steering by dead reckoning,
And raw blind hope,

A nerve racking
Time sailing blind,
Unaware how sands may shift,
How deep the seas or shallow,
How far away the land,
Until now at last the sun has risen,
The darkest hour has passed,
And you my darling destination
Are right across my bow

I have stood my watch
On a warships bridge,
Steered a yacht under sail
Beneath a star studded sky,
Stood to an hour before sunrise
In military training,
So I have seen the dark,

In love too I have
Been a source of shadow
And been shaded on,
Sailed close to the wind
And indeed capsized,
Been cold and lonely in
A darkness greater than any
Night time,

But every dark yields
Before the dawn
Of a brand new day,
Every night founders
As the sun rises
To banish the lightless,
And this heart's darkness too has passed,
But this dawn is the brightest

And the best

I

Ever

Knew

You have no idea the irk
Created by those terms,
The judgement inherent in
Laying out my perceived weakness
Is offensive,
All the more when weakness
Neither becomes me nor is
Found within me

It makes the obvious response
Rise to my lips,
To cease to reach out
In love or in help,
To prove to you my worth by
Withdrawing the very demonstration
That led to the accusation at hand

But with withdrawal of
Reaching out comes
Withdrawal of part of me,
Part of my expressed love,
And therein lies the rub,
For if I share not how I feel or that
Sharing is unaccepted,
Then where is the actual point?


Of us?

For me love is an absolute thing
That far surpasses Corinthian definition,
It is a joyful passion,
And those afflicted delight in every slightest
Touch or word or contact,
And cannot wait for the next opportunity
To share by call or message or text or touch
That love which whirls and spins ones heart about
In a wonderful dance of committed care
And passion,
Both carnal and divine,

But alas it seems in your view
These things I neither did nor do in fact
Share with thee,
But rather - in your view but not in mine -
To my sadness and my shame,
Did rather inflict them on thee
From insecurity,
Without so much as a by your leave,
The worst of many misunderstandings
And one which would make a lesser man weep,

However love remains inviolate
If the heart that beats it remains fast and true,
As mine does,
True to that which has been professed,
True to the woman to which it is trothed,
True to that love which is unrelenting,
And how you feel about my motives does not change a thing
Bar one for,
In my world if thy lover is not secure in any respect
Then you ****** well make them so