But rocks are hard
And buttocks are soft
And the two do not
Good bedfellows make
And I cannot remain here,

And so I climb,
Again,
Scrabble painfully up the scarp,
Again,
Towards the light

Of a sun which seems
So very far
And unfeeling
In an azure sky that
Holds little hope

But each painful inch
Is one less in the shade,
Every focused lever against the
Gravity of pain and loss
Removes me from its grasp

A little more,
Until eventually the suns rays
Start to penetrate the cloak
Of my depressed state
And even my wracked muscles

Start to warm and,
At the cliff top from whence I fell,
I spy that rock which my back
Missed still stood in place
Where it always was

Did I lean the wrong way
Or did it wobble?
Or was it a bit of both?
Either way it feels stable now
A rock

On which I pause to lean

And as I fell on backwards
Into the vacant air that once
Was rock to have my back,
I felt the shock of water
Envelop me,
That great and boundless deep
Come to claim my soul,

Cold water shock though,
Not the warm embrace
Of my heart attack,
But an alien freezing
Splutter inducing cold
And I do not like it,
Not yet my time to die

And so I struggle back to shore,
Haul myself from the waves
That rejected me and sit
Shivering,
Alone,
And silent,
On the rocky outcrop of my sadness

After every row,
After every disagreement,
Every fight,
There comes conversation and then silence,
And the bigger the discord it seems
Then deeper and more profound
The silence that ensues,

And this one I am in now is
Startling in its totality,
Even words do not disturb
Nor ripple
The absence of communication
And the echoing hum
Upon my mind's ears

It's a sort of stasis
Where time and blood
And passion hang
Suspended in time,
Going nowhere,
From nowhere,
Just there

I know that love will,
Like the suns rays,
Thaw us and warm us
Back to softness and intimacy,
Back to how we "are",
But 'til then and right now we sit,
In silence

And I hate it......

If I  leave this life
Unexpectedly,
And do not get
To say
Goodbye,
Then know this truth
My alabaster lady,
While I had breath,
I loved you

From out the boundless deep
I came full fifty and five
Good years ago,
A helpless mewling pink
Noise on a white terri towel,
My first memory
"I do not want him"
As my ***** changed,

Five and a half decades on,
A lifetime of striving and failing,
Loving and losing,
Achieving some and
Losing too,
Trust betrayed and money lost
But finally a rock to
Rest my back upon,

And it took time and
Many hours of feeling that
Solid safe place before
I learned to lean in time
Of need but lean I did,
And came to count upon
That relief of time
Spent thus reclined,

But I should have known
The dark clouds on
The horizon were meant
For me and yep,
Today I leaned and the rock
Was gone,
So now perhaps time to
Keep falling

To turn again home

Farewell