I laid down on the grass today
to give myself to the earth,
Mother Nature wouldn't take me;
she foiled my rebirth.

I opened my eyes with much dismay to find i still remained.
I wanted the word to heal me of a life I've lived in pain.

I trusted the ground would swallow me and take away my fears, I trusted the rain would cleanse my soul and wash away my tears.

The sun emerged, and suddenly a warm and friendly voice
had lifted me and told me that these feelings were my choice,
"If you are feeling sorrowful, open up your curtains,
don't escape the life you're given because you feel uncertain.
Do not look to others to find your internal bliss,
It's you that is responsible for your own happiness."

These words rang within me, and became my eternal song,
I finally discovered what it takes to make myself be strong.
When you feel like giving up and hope someone will guide you,
know the person who can change you is the one that is inside you.

When anger takes over and rage ensues,
my world is engulfed in shades of blue.

I can't keep track of the pace of my breathing,
my vision blurs,
my chest is heaving.

The more I try, the pain is deeper;
the corner of my eye, creeps the grim reaper

"I promise you death," he says with a smile,
part of me welcomes it, but fears like a child.

Then reality takes over,
I'm left in shambles; confused and colder.

Is there any peace I will find,
when I'm a prisoner in my own mind?

Walking in the desert,
each minute is a year,
my body is exhausted,
my destination is unclear.

The days burn through my skin;
painful, hot, alone.
The nights ice through my soul
freezing in the unknown

I can't quite figure out,
which is harder to swallow.
The daytime; forced to carry on
The darkness; where I wallow

In the distance there is color,
just barely camouflaged.
Could this be the end to my self-inflicted sabotage?
Relief is at my fingertips; an end to my montage

But it was never really there;
it was merely a mirage.

You lay next to me.
So close, I can touch your skin
but eons away.

Shining brightly in the farthest distance like a neon star
not the North star,
but misleading enough.

Into corners and walls, pits and trenches.

I find my way out alone,
but the light at the end of the tunnel is dim.

There is a fracture in the sound waves when my lips part
They break and bend and twist
when they hit your ears creates a most unpleasant racket.

It bounces back at me like sonar. Deafening.

I will wait here. Together, but alone,
open, but closed
repaired, but broken.

I was told the Earth was a beautiful place,
fire, Earth and wind collide;
the phenomenon of time and space,
the innate instinct to survive.

The massive sea, the solid land,
the shore on which they kissed,
people given one command:
simply to exist.

I learned, against my own desires,
paradise won't last forever.
this domain meant to grow and inspire,
is full of dangerous endeavors.

There are some, which carry knives and guns,
their power in deadly tools.
There are junkies and dealers, equally spun,
and their flocks of helpless mules.

There are gluttonous men that laugh and jest,
with maids to keep their palace neat.
Smaller men make up the rest;
they occupy the barren streets.

Angels perch on snowy branches,
protecting the holy light,
but demons cause the avalanches
when the fires of hell ignite.

The world was once a ****** land,
but as the time would pass,
the human race with savage hand
shattered the hourglass.

The sands leak into those skies and seas
that once seemed so pristine,
and shift into a darker place;
We fall to the machine.

Do you ever wonder about the stone that was first tossed,
that left the shards and fragments,
and the wires all uncrossed?

Or do you count the seconds,
the painful ticks and tocks
until my chalkboard-scratching voice
stops hitting your ears like jagged rocks.

A soul with many places to go,
who would ever have the mind
to entertain the meltdown of a child locked in time?
I'm sorry that I came off appearing to be just fine,
A luscious blooming fruit
With the taste of a bitter lime.

Peace from all the madness,
That's what anyone would seek.
Peace from a childish, damaged, wild, shameful, unhinged freak.
Craving love but unable to normally express,
That all i ever wanted was a passionate caress

Instead the message blows away in gusts of words unspoken
Who would want to touch something
So sharp, coarse, and broken?
The world at my fingertips
But I choose to stay inside
Agoraphobic nature, and my instinct is to hide

Why should l expect anyone to sympathize or pity?
There are so many among us whose lives are far from pretty.
But everyone with a brain inside
Has some unspoken pain inside.
Mine reenacts the shame inside;
A torturous symphony.

I can't expect you to understand
I know you're sick and tired
You deserve to be a king and rule your own empire.
Unbound by restrictive wires
and diminishing desires

But before the sight of me causes you to roll your eyes and sigh,
I hope you will consider a bit more than meets the eye.

I may be broken fragments now,
but I hold onto a shred of hope
that one day my shattered glass
will make a great kaleidoscope

I hope in the end you decide not to cut the rope.