Maybe it won't hurt as much when he leaves
because I am so used to loving him from a distance
Across the hall
Across the room
There is still so much distance even
When he is right in front of me
When my mouth sputters words that try to pull him closer
There is always so much distance
Even when I am pressed against him
With our arms wrapped around each other in a hug
I can never seem to get close enough
But like I said
I am so used to loving him from a distance
I guess a few more thousand miles won't hurt

I'm smiling at you accusing me of smiling accusing me of smiling accusing me of smiling at how much I love you.

so naive
dreamt in narrow corridors of better things
so naive
the war is not outdoors
it’s your mind
where heaven starts and hell begins
unravel guises you swear you knew
foe not friend

and at the bottom
of a hell that i had made
comprised of external situations
and the promises of better days
the bridges built soon fell away
the ashes swim in puddles deep of expectations
so naive
and what was left there
well that was me
so naive

When March comes around
There's spring one everyone's mind,
We think of the snow melting
And green grass taking its place
Pinks, purples, yellows, blues & greens.
They all come out to welcome the sunshine.

Breath cannot catch,
Lips that cannot part.
Locked in a death stare daring either to move,
Grab me by hips and pull close.

Waiting for either to weaken,
For that tiny flex,
The subtle give,
Scratches gouged into the varnish.

Lying in depravity,
Bruises where the pulse judders.
Stars dance as the pleasure deepens.
Locked together muscles tensed.
Feral wild and free of sense.

When you want to tell him you miss him
Hold your tongue like you are hanging onto a ledge
You are saving yourself by not letting go
When you want to tell him you miss him
Listen for your inner guidance
You know what it will say, your heart cannot bear
One more rejection
When you want to tell him you miss him
Think of why this all came to an end
He used to be the one filled with apologies
Look how the tables have turned
When you want to tell him you miss him
Think of her name, think of the girl who stimulates his heartbeat
Think of how she is nothing like you
Think of how her smile is plastered on every vacant space in his brain
Think of how he is missing her in place of you
When you want to tell him you miss him
Don't, let the words slide down back into your gut where they belong
Do not give him the leverage
Let him think that you are missing someone else too
Someone else who is not him