If you really would like to know my name is Amsterdam.
I've been floating here for awhile,
Somewhere along the way the person
Holding me together let go.
But For the most part
I guess you could call me, happy.
The thing I've noticed with people,
They always find a problem with everything,
You can't just sit back and see that the fog behind her eyes are the very thing that makes her perfect.
Life just isn't told that way.
I know someone out there has to agree.
Someone out there has to be something like me.
I'll just float along watching you from here, wishing I could fix your problems,  show you the way the rain smells is maybe all you need to smile again.
So I'll stay here until I find where I belong.
Until I find someone to hold me into place again.

A fault line runs in me through and through
Awakening unexpectedly,
Tearing at me
Night and day.
It crackles in the skin of my hands
I hide it from everyone.
You changed that,
As we search for each other in the dark,
Our skin and hair
Here and there.
I slept with a soundtrack
Of your breaths,
Whispering to me
The calmness of assurance
What else could I need,
The cracks within me fell asleep,
And so did we.

Grass stains
Ash trays
Empty lives
Empty days
Don't think twice
About the second choice

Falling in love with you
Is like opening the
First page of my favorite book
Again.

Silently lie in the grass,
On the hill above the lights.
Steal a kiss,
In between ,
Each drag on this cigarette.
And
Let's
Take bets on which is more
Dangerous.

Thinking of you brings waves of tranquil anxiety.

Right now
life feels
like a late night drive
into the middle of nowhere,
it's 3 am and
I can't see.
Okay I guess I could use map
Yet no one has one.
Oh well,
I'm not going places
Maybe All I need is a hiatus.

There's just something about the way your eyes shine at two in the morning.

At least graveyards are a constant

I think happiness is when you find someone walking the same speed as you.

Some days you will find yourself
lost out at sea,
You will need a lighthouse to
guide you back to shore,
And I've found mine in you.

You're like
The city lights at night
A scratch in music
Exposed for too long
The coast line
A dislocated spine
Dream sequence on repeat
For years in the backseat
Slow guitar
And the North Star

The fading sunset and the moon cry
for their spot in the sky
Yet they still lack what I see in your eyes.

Nights become bearable when
Your dream is pressed up against you
Softly her heartbeat drowns out every worry.

I hate clichés as much as you do
But I love you so much it hurts
And I don't know if you know that I do
Or if I whisper it to you as you sleep
To calm this anxious insomniac
You chose to share a bed with.
Don't leave, just stay and keep me warm
That's all I ask, and I can get through the day.

It's too cloudy, again, to see the stars.
And if there's one thing about me
I can't say hello without a tremble
I can't say goodbye and reassemble
I don't know what that says about me.
But I still stare out the window hoping you really didn't leave.

I'm
Just
A
Hobby
You
Grew
Tired
Of.

I fell behind because I was too busy pushing you forward.

Maybe the reason
I never see your face
in my
dreams.
Is because my mind
Could never
Replicate such,
Beauty.

I found your earrings on my window sill
I’m not sure how long they’ve been there or
If you know they’re missing
I’m too scared to move them
So I just pretend not to see

She found your earrings on my window sill
I didn’t know what to say
It’s been months and I can’t even utter your name
Still you lie on the window sill

Winter came and found your earrings by the window
Cold and harsh
That’s what I loved about you
I wonder what you loved about me
Did you love these earrings?
Do you think of them
Do you think of me?

Would you please take my hand?
I know it's cliché but let's run away from here
No let's walk
It'll give us more time to talk.
On nights like this I wish you were closer.
The thin air is turning colder again.
It brings back the memories I don't have of you.
And I'm not sure what I'm feeling but it won't go away.
So please would you take my hand and walk somewhere with me?

She paused from our kiss
Took a breath.
And I opened my eyes.
I saw her,
Taking it all in as she held my face
She quivered.
I smiled,
That's when I knew
She was enough.

You're the perfect thunderstorm.

I'm scared I'll just end up in the pile of
"One of those"
That you always speak of.

I prefer you over sleep
Your dark brown eyes engulf me
Keep talking
Drowned out my enemy's
I prefer sad faces
Over bright smiles
I'm attracted to broken people
So why can't I love myself?
Drape your black hair over my pillow again
Make these thoughts go away
I prefer you over sleep
I prefer music over nicotine

You were never the kind
Of person
Who could
Get comfortable, who could settle down.
I felt the uprooting.
You set fire to this house
You let the smoke rise,
Before you warned me of danger.
Only when you were safe,
Could I be warned.
By then it was too late.
I had already suffocated.

I'm still standing here because one of these tomorrows holds you.

Recently life has been nothing more,
Than fleeting moments dragging me under.
And you're what my thoughts turn to
When I'm sad,
Do you bring this downcast or a small glimmer of hope,
Simply enough to keep me from burning down?
But.
I love you, maybe I just love the thought of you.
No I love you.
But I can't say it.
That's why,
I'm putting it in this pathetic poem that no one's gonna read,
That's why,
I'm a pathetic person that no one's gonna need.
I look at you but you can't see me,
Try a little harder,
I simply need a favor
Can you keep this between you and me?
Because I'm just a pathetic person that no one's gonna need.
This was my attempt to get it all out on paper,
But this is just a screen.

I thought I loved the East Coast until I saw your eyes look back at me under the moonlight slipping through the window.
I thought I loved the East Coast until we were pressed together, laughing, trying to fit on your twin mattress.
I thought I loved the East Coast until I felt your breath on my neck at four in the morning.
I long for the Pacific and for you to take me there.

Have you ever met someone that makes you want to create art? Just create. Write music. Create a film. Someone so beautiful you can't hold it in and the only way to express it is through painting the perfect masterpiece? But the perfect masterpiece is her, the ultimate piece of art. Not just any art, the awe inspiring combination of sounds and colors that hit you at your core, inspiring the never ending cycle of creating inadequate art to reflect your perception of her perfection only to fail to articulate any ounce of her beauty.

We're like, the cautious,
Wind that, blows promise.
Light in, the window,
Touching, Breathe slow.
You and, me now,
Far away, from sound.
Don't let, it go,
Dripping, like snow.
We're like, the cautious,
Waves that, break conscience.

The familiar taste of nicotine
In your breath
Excites me
Maybe because I'm
Taking one step
closer to cessation
Every Time our lips meet,
But you're the bad
habit that haunts me in my sleep.

It's been a week without you here
and honestly it's killing me, my dear.

No one else has ever felt this,
And at the same time, I know everyone has.
I'm so far away from home and it's lonely.
But tonight as we drove home,
You fell asleep on me and I couldn't help but
Think of how much I love your hands.
Is that weird?
Your hands are so familiar,
They have a piece of home in them,
And when I hold them.
The loneliness goes away.

I'm homesick when you're not with me.

Love me like you did
The night we were in the city.
I'm sorry I won't stop talking,
You just looked so pretty.
We got lost on the highway
But we were fine.
Stuck in time
On the dark sandy beach.
I'm sorry I won't stop talking,
You just looked so cunning.
In the reflection of my memory.
I'm sure you're  sharing
All my secrets with him
Like you have been,
Because I was never enough.
I'm better now
Her eyes are deeper.
Hopefully she won't,
Tear out my heart
And leave it on the floor.

From afar you're the kerosene burning
Fixation and suffocation
Filling the room from the floor up
I breathe in the smoke
But don't choke.

Put on another record
Now let's lay together
You say it doesn't matter
Yet can't you hear the faint shatter?
Count back from ten
Please let's start again
I'm sick of this constricting quarantine,
baby can't you see?
You're my dopamine.

Maybe I should be content
Perhaps life was being kind to me
It took everyone away gradually
Instead of in a handful.

It's 9pm
And it's cloudy again
My demons are not what you have
But what you have is not what you want
Because you just go around and flaunt
But I'm just trying to be me
Why can't anyone see
I'm tired of fighting this world alone
Tired of going to bed with God on the phone
I need thirty more minutes of sleep
I need to find me
But too much static on this channel
And then there's him with his **** flannel
Why do I do this to me and to you
I'm sure you're missing me too
But just don't know what I've been going through
The sky is dark blue now
Don't be scared anymore my friend
It's just a frown

Do you ever think of us?
Or are we a lost cause
That I'm still fighting for?

Every hallway is left unscathed,
By every violent, thing you say
You can curse me everyday,
But, the pictures remain the same.

Quit depicting yourself as the artist when you should be the one on the canvas.

If you count the nights
Look back in time
I try and remember when we were all fine
Before fun meant
Passed out drunk on the floor
Higher than ever before
Before fun meant
*** in the back of a car
We just wait next door
And now I see
You just replaced me
With every substance that you could see
So now do you see?
That I'm miss you
But are you missing me?

Cheers to those moments
When your heart drops
But the butterflies don't follow.
Cheers to those moments,
Your hand begins to quiver
But no one is near to hold it.
Cheers to those moments,
You read the last period on the text
And tell yourself,
Never,
Get your hopes up,
Again.

Over the years
I've built this home inside of my mind
To put away the thoughts and fears
The for sale sign allows me to leave behind.
Soon the prevailing wind
Will soon bring vacation to an end,
I'll return to find a cracking foundation
Crumbling walls and stagnation.
I'll search for answers from the beginning
The cracks in my concrete grow
But you're the one filling them, I hope you know.

The end of Summer draws nearer by the second. I can feel the rain coming as my bones tighten. The salty air of the coast engulfs my lungs, the taste of the ocean lingers on my tongue. I'm going to miss this. Everyone is saying the world is ending, they've been saying it for weeks now but this time, this time it's happening. Death is not a myth anymore. Death is a waiting visitor approaching our doorsteps.

I hope these words
Make you fall for me
Because I don't have much going for me
Maybe the way you heard,
How I speak your name.
Will affect the breaths you take.
And I'll find what I need to spark the flame.
Whisper to me how I can fix your heartache.

I have this dream of a,
blood orange sky rippling
Down through the cracked window pane,
Of this crumbling house.
The faint sigh of faded beauty
Resonates among these chipped walls.
We walk there down
the boulevard from when we were happy.
Yet all I can feel is the fleeting feeling, I felt when
your lipstick stained
my cheek for the
final time.

A sea green glimmer in the pitch black of repeating breaths and unheard goodbyes.
Something about them I hope I never forget
Stitching up the seams of every broken thing.
The vivid music of silence and mirroring love.