They say you shouldn't let your mental illness define you,
But I don't remember life before it.

I don't remember how the world looked,
Without this grey filter.
Or what colour the sun shined,
I don't remember how it felt on my skin.

I don't remember who I was,
I don't remember myself before my mental illness.

I only remember now.

- p.d.e

Hearing you moan about the baby weight
While warming up the Cow and Gate
Droopy tum and ***** ****** dry
And how they leak at every cry
Your body will never be the same
Ever since the baby came
Constantly exhausted beyond all belief
When they finally sleep through, dear God, the relief
Training and tantrums, toddlers are trying
You learn to accept they never stop crying
Oh to be one of those wretched souls!
Sterilising bottles and benches and bowls
Gaining those precious protective pounds
Awakening to those unmistakable sounds
Washing and folding and wiping and feeding
All the work that comes with breeding
And now the sun sets on that part of my life
Never a mother, only a wife
For all those hopes that didn't make it
Bun in the oven but unable to bake it
Trying not to envy and regret and hate
But I just can't shift the baby wait...