Saving face
is not
my saving grace.

Jail cell walls made of messages in bottles sent to people who would never see the words therein
Love has always felt like a prison sentence

And there used to be an woman behind my door as I slept
Awoken, uneasy at the edge of my bed as  I wept
For days and weeks my eyes would cry
Tossing and turning
All that lives must surely die

The woman spoke in expressions
Her face contorted and her eyes all black
A way out I suppose, a final escape
Her thoughts are armed words... Prepared for attack

The woman in my dreams is unknown
She visits unexpected
She visits briefly, seeming to have no purpose at all
She hasn't a name
She hasn't a face
A simple woman
A blue coat
A hunched back
Uneasy, yet comforted

I thank this woman
I do not know
I thank this woman

The edge of my bed grows further away
Time may mends the wounds
But you just wish the people could stay

Reaching out towards hands cold as ice
The feet he danced in a month ago
The veins blood flourished weeks ago
The heart that loved days ago
Stiffened bodies shattering hearts
His face now reads calm
Our heads are shaking

wake up
*wake up, god ******, wake up

He tears my heart out when he's silent
When I'm begging on my knees with a loud, crying please to hear him speak my name

I'm ripped to shreds because I'm ugly
I know I'm ugly
So disgusting and horrible on the inside, that my bones have fled and left me nothing but a deflated pile of meat and flesh

And if I heard him say I was beautiful just one more time, I'd smile so ridiculously large that the stars would refuse to shine
Because they'd know they couldn't compete with the glimmer of my gleaming grin
But his words will never come

I'm so tired of these lonesome tea parties I'm pathetically throwing
Where no one is invited and there's not a drop of tea in the *** or any of the cups
Clean cup, clean cup
Move down, move down
I guess I should wash some of these ******* cups, now

Stop sign
Stop sign
Oops
I ran the ******* stop sign
And oh ****, so did he

I find myself on long walks.
I enjoy nature. It calms me
to be surrounded by trees
that tower over me.
They look like the large
giants that I used to slay
when I was a kid.
I used to imagine I was a knight.
I used to imagine my future life.
I was optimistic,
           I was bright

This cold walk brings me to a simple place.
A quiet,
            happy setting.

As the snow falls over head,
it brushes gently on my cheek.

At its cold touch, I am brought back to reality.

I am reminded
that these trees aren’t dead.
They are dormant.
They won't feel the same for months

I only hope that one day,
I can live like the trees.

I pray that like the trees,
               I won't feel dead for long.