I wake up, unbothered by the previous night(mares)
Struggling to get out of bed, its another fight (unfair)
I think of you, then remember our separation
My smile wipes of my face with no indication.

Brush my teeth, too afraid to stare at the mirror
Every time I see a glimpse of you in it, I start to quiver
place my hands on the sink to pray
stopping the pain from returning, telling it to go away

Eating breakfast, Pizza and milk
terrible eating habits, enough pent up rage to sow silk
a string spanning longer than our feelings for each other
For when we couldn't admit we couldn't tolerate one another

Leave the premises, cracking a smile
forgetting our genesis, regardless has it been a while
Angered by simplicity, yet welcome to it
Fine with lowered expectations, yet nevermore
placing ones guard higher than ever before

for this is the new normal: Bitter, hurt and none the wiser
even as I type this, I miss her and despise her
would it work? was it worth it?
Is it fate to have one curse it?

it doesn't matter, I catch my bus, unbothered
as under my breath I cuss, smothered(by regret)
my anger grows into numbness(emptiness I beget)
I reach my stop and hop off
earphones subside the voices, but their song is almost as sweet as yours was
I wish I was hit by that very same bus
so the memories can leave me like you did
but alas

this is the new normal, **** it up and carry on

I picked this up as you came to mind
on any other day this would have been a lucky find
"Does it fit?" "Is it too grand a gesture?"
I stand still as doubt starts to fester
Commitment at our age? at this point of our story?
Or is it not soon enough? should I engage and not feel sorry?
The ring is a circle that loops in my hand
From brown, blue then purple I hold on to understand
Would they laugh? Would I care? Would you even be there?
Should I ask? Would you stare, feeling scared while i was unaware?

It haunts me to know my heart went this far
It wants me  to show the start, till we do part
I don't know the future, yet I know you
Maybe we're both crazy, you feel it this strong too?
Am I overreacting? Is this just another plan
To finally see if I get you in my hands?

Regardless, I'll do it, we've made it thus far
And even though we may be stuck wherever we are
I'll look forward to putting it on, preparation for what could be
Perhaps it's destiny, leading you to me
May the future be as bloodied and grim as it wants
I just want you to be happy and grim and grin, please give me this chance
I promise to give my all, through hell and even heaven
A promise to stay true, even if the years take seven

I know that you are suffering, I know you as unwell
but when you feel the need to talk, come to me, do not dispel
Sit next to me, and hold my hand, I promise this wont hurt
I know its hard to understand, but let your emotions spurt

I see the demon at the seams, as its horrors can connect
worry not for i am here, it is my light you can expect
at least I used to think so, till you ran back to the dark
chasing a pointless emotion, curiosity made you embark
I chased after you, unaware it was you running from my grasp
was I too clingy? too naïve? too nice for you to bear?
You fell and scraped your heart on tarmac, I tended to the wound
we laughed as I gazed at those moons you seem to call your eyes
Perhaps I did get so attached, that my obsession was disguised
and then you get up, once more, running away without a care

I try to understand you, I try to compromise
the tears flow as I cry, and your words glittered in lies
your never all that busy, to not even donate an hour?
or perhaps you cut off the rotten part, like a fruit our love turned sour

I hate you, with a burning passion, yet love you all the same
I never want to see your face, yet its ignition is to blame
the sound of your voice, almost taunt- like in nature
if your vast heart was the ocean, did that make me the sailor?

I had plans of promise rings and our children's names
You had plans for a quick high leading to permanent shame
I envy that I love you, and let you use me so
for when you strike you seem to know, to always hit bellow

I'm sorry if I smothered you, I'm sorry that I cared
I'm sorry for trying to be there, when you were never aware
And yet i wish for one day, we can finally meet face to face
to see if it is anger, or love that will take place
Your expiations are fleeting, your intentions unsure
Your feelings are feigning, were they ever really pure?

Who's to know who meant what? I the bear and you the trapped cub
I left with the gapping wound

I know that you are suffering, I know you are unwell
but when you feel the need to talk, come to me, do not dispel
Sit next to me, and hold my hand, I promise this won't hurt
I know it's hard to understand, but let your emotions spurt

I see the demon at the seams, as its horrors can connect
worry not for I am here, it is my light you can expect
At least I used to think so, till you ran back to the dark
chasing a pointless emotion, curiosity made you embark
I chased after you, unaware it was you running from my grasp
Was I too clingy? too naïve? too nice for you to bear?
You fell and scraped your heart on the tarmac, I tended to the wound
We laughed as I gazed at those moons you seem to call your eyes
Perhaps I did get so attached, that my obsession was disguised
And then you get up, once more, running away without a care

I try to understand you, I try to compromise
The tears flow as I cry, and your words glitter in lies
your never all that busy, to not even donate an hour?
or perhaps you cut off the rotten part like a fruit our love turned sour

I hate you, with a burning passion, yet love you all the same
I never want to see your face, yet its ignition is to blame
the sound of your voice, almost taunt- like in nature
If your vast heart was the ocean, did that make me the sailor?

I had plans of promise rings and our children's names
You had plans for a quick high leading to permanent shame
I envy that I love you, and let you use me so
for when you strike you seem to know, to always hit below

I'm sorry if I smothered you, I'm sorry that I cared
I'm sorry for trying to be there when you were never aware
And yet I wish for one day, we can finally meet face-to-face
To see if it is anger or love that will take place
Your expiations are fleeting, your intentions unsure
Your feelings are feigning, were they ever really pure?

Who's to know who meant what? I the bear and you the trapped cub
I left with the gaping wound and you the sought-after Dub
I'll miss you truly, perhaps more than is healthy
for what we had, just you and I, made me more rich than the wealthy

In the end, its just as you wanted
To get rid of that silly nuisance that you hated
You'll never see them again,it must feel great
They'll be crying themselves to sleep while your on a clean slate

You councience is dark, empathy for the meek
They wants a reunion, it's all they seek
From A-Z furfilling every desire
You won't even text back, destroying obsessive empires

Will you appreciate what you have when it's all gone
While it writes ballads, such cheesy old songs
One becomes a memory, the other a second thought
Too late was it learnt that love can't be bought

Second chances? Once more? You ***** up once it's all done
That is your punishment for turning a person into your sun
Place them on a pedastal, watch as they cheer
Giving everyone the attention, while your left in tears

Letting Go is easy, you've shown me through your heart
Misleading myself, I should have known from the start
One stays wholesome, the other Just a black hole
One loses an acquaintance, the other their entire soul

You walk away, the leech finally off your back
He might miss you, his life still not on track
Still a mess it seems, just look at his eyes
As he swallows his words to give a broken goodbye