I remember a few months back
You telling me about the time
Where you were knocked unconscious
How there was nothing but black
And a sharp stillness that you’ll never forget
I remember how much it frightened me
To know how fragile our role in this life is
How quickly it could be snuffed out to nothing

Jump to yesterday
When you told me the same story
About the darkness, the cold, the nothing
However, this time it didn’t feel as scary
As foreboding or bleak
Instead of cowering behind fear
I responded,
“How peaceful to be alone without any thoughts?”

I’ve died a time or two
and had men try to make me new.
I’ve had my body dug up
by shovels and hands cut.
I’ve been sprawled out
laid down and washed about.
I’ve had tissue excised
burnt around the edges and cauterized.
I’ve been bled dry
left in the sun and putrefied.

I’ve been patched up
glued together and stapled shut.
I’ve had my hair brushed
face painted and voice hushed.
I’ve been gently dressed
socks clean and dress pressed.
I’ve had a role to play
lacking dialogue and out of the way.
I’ve been the perfect date
unnatural but one you chose to create.

i've crossed the widest oceans
made of violent waters of the deepest blue
watched the glittering fish swim beneath me
and listened to them sing their soothing tunes
their songs, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be true

i've climbed the highest peaks
made of weathered ground as cold as ice
watched sunrises flicker against sheets of white
and memorized their steepness in price
their colors, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be paradise

i've walked the endless prairies
made of yards and yards of dry weeds
watched flocks of silken butterflies take flight
and witnessed a million tiny ant legs stampede
their freedom, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be freed

i've explored the darkest caverns
made of massive black granite tombstones
watched the leftover light be snuffed out
and felt the fearful chill in my bones
their emptiness, while beautiful in nature,
none of them I found to be alone

I feel like rain and every man I meet

Is subjected to me

The cloudburst of emotion and pain

A flash flood of heartbreak and sorrow



I fall until I land in their hearts

All drenched in regret

Their clothes soaked through

Suddenly, with the feeling of me



I silently pour in

With baggage that hails down

Denting and cratering them

Until the levee breaks



A deluge of myself

Until all they can think about

When a storm rolls through

Is how much it reminds them of me.

I’ve been the girl who held him too close
I’ve pleaded and cried into his chest
I’ve been held just as close
But felt just as far away
And clung to the back of his t-shirt

I’ve been the girl who knew he was unhappy
I’ve pleaded and cried into the silence
I’ve felt him drift to the other side of the bed
My thoughts of him ran wild
And seeped into reality

I’ve been the girl who called him over and over
I’ve pleaded and cried into his voicemail
I’ve said this was the last time I would call
My voice choking on the words
And hung up with a lonely goodbye

I’ve been the girl who begged him to stay
I’ve pleaded and cried into my hands
I’ve blocked the door in protest
My arms spread across the threshold
And asked if he still loved me

I’ve been the girl left alone in an apartment
I’ve pleaded and cried into the blank walls
I’ve packed my things and ghosts of him
Walked across the now foreign home
And left behind the memory of who we were

when he leaves,
cry hard.
soak your pillow in sadness,
scream into the quiet he gave you
but don’t look back.

when he leaves,
destroy you and him.
rip apart those photos you had framed,
box up the memories of you two,
but don’t look back.

when he leaves,
delete him.
remove all those saved messages,
erase all those times he said he wouldn’t,
but don’t look back.

when he leaves,
fall apart.
shatter into a million tiny pieces,
litter the floor he decides to walk out on,
but don’t look back.

when he leaves,
set fire to them.
burn them into empty space.
disappear into a cloud of smoke,
so when he looks back,
there will be nothing left.

I didn’t think I could find a love so whole...
a partner I feel like I’ve known from long ago,
a swell and burst whenever they are near,
a flutter of butterflies where my heart is supposed to be.

In the past, I had been hastily dealt the illusion
and lived a lovesick life stuck in a delusion.
But now I think I finally found the “one”
in a boy from the town I tend to call home.

boys give us jewelry
as modern chains to restrain
to own
to torture
to claim
to bother
a mousetrap on a ring finger
a dog and its collar

she liked the color yellow because it calmed her
its brightness soothed her soul
and the sight of a yellow flower
always brought her joy
it illuminated her dark days
and stormy weather
it always seemed to try so hard
to be happy
A quality she could relate to

but one day, she met a boy who liked orange
a color she always said she hated
its hue too close to yellow
but too different to be enjoyed
she never wore the color orange
felt as if it drew attention to her
when she was content enough
to be invisible
in the corner of the room

her favorite color was yellow
and his was orange
but she never liked that color
with its harshness and severity
it reminded her
of traffic cones
and reflector vests
of emergencies
and warning signs

But one day, she realized
he reminded her of the color yellow
he soothed her soul
illuminated her dark days
and calmed her storms
he never seemed to try too hard
but always managed to make her smile

she realized yellow and orange
weren't that different after all
and when the two hues came together
her, perpetually the color yellow
him, forever orange
she felt like the only girl in the room

the colors yellow and orange
started to bleed together
and orange came to remind her
of fallen leaves
and clear sunsets
of butterflies
and sprinkled zest

and in time
as she grew to love him
the color orange started to become
just as beautiful as yellow

You could never really look at
The color yellow the same
Because she put in it poems
And wore it against her shoulders

You found in the way she smiled
Or the noise she made when she laughed
It burst through the times she cried
Swam in her crocodile tears

It settled on her furniture in pillows
And moved through her bones in daylight
But reflected in her eyes in the nighttime
Cartwheeled on her eyelashes

She exhaled it in between sheets
And whispered it against your ear
It warmed her hands as they touched you
Engulfed her soft fingertips

You found it in her curled hair
Or the freckles on her arched back
It hung on her pink plump lips
Vibrated in her velvety kisses

It patterned the dresses she wore
And painted the tips of her toes
But tickled the nape of her neck
Danced on her tanned skin

She held it tightly in her chest
And you felt it when you held her close
It hummed against your own
Consumed her entire body

You could never really look at
The color yellow the same
Because she put it in poems
And all it ever did
Was remind you of her

you are my sunshine
yellow like lemon drops
and **** against my tongue
but sometimes
a sadness flickers about your eyes
and suddenly
you fade into deep dark blue
a sharp contrast
to your normal pastel hue