What is this pain-
where is it coming from-
what does it want from me

I am cold
I am bittersweet
growing old
I'm incomplete

Why
are
you
killing me
killing

you
don't
know
I'm alive
but I'm-

Crying
I'm sighing in disbelief
Trying
to **** this broken stupid thief
he's laughing
with no remorse
taking our life
stealing all our
joy
all our peace
all our
keep on going

I just know-
I don't know anymore-
I don't care, what's the reason
for it all

What am I
What am I doing here
Where is this pain
coming from I see it's you

All
your
dreams
are just
lies until you
see
that
we're
all just sleeping all your

Dreams will
never be coming true
Not un-
less you believe in that you
can't see
and step out in faith believing
blindly
overcome and
stop believing
all the lies
what relief
take control
and give it back
to the one who
made it and
surrender to his will

Why am I crying-
why am I cold and empty-
why am I
trying when I know I'm falling
down-
I'm ready to
hit the ground
and just pound
my fists against the wall
don't you know that I am

Dying
I'm tearing myself to pieces
one shred at a time
one for you and one for
me I'm
clinging to cold remorse
but I won't give up another minute

I love you...

too...

[Break here]

fever
in my mind
in my body
in my
soul-
why are my

hands shak-ing
I have lost control
I never had it
What's the toll
for getting past the border
into peace and
knowing that you all are happy
knowing that you gave your best and tried

Oh! I tried...

Why am I cold
yet I'm burning up inside
who is speaking of me
who is thinking of me
does it really matter

[heavy break]

my pores
can't take any more abuse
my sores
are they real or am I dreaming
is it real
or am i living surreality
alive
in the shadows
I am melting
down
dripping down the walls its all

beyond my control
I am letting go
one
digit at a time
oh these paws are shedding
I don't- no!
that is the phrase
that is the curse that's
afflicting all my own inside
the prison of our sheltered minds
and putting all our limbs in binds
and burying our faith in endless

[silence]

what is this pain
where is it coming from
what does it want from me

you stupid selfish parasite
let go
how do you like being torn in two
unrealistic unreality

[sudden silence and continue]

I am cold
I am bittersweet
growing old
I am incomplete
am I too bold
am I crossing a line right here in
taking
just a minute just to let it out
and stop

no I won't stop
not if I can help it
you are so worth it
I won't lie
I'm am kind of lost
and I don't know
where I am
and I just trail off in

lie in bed and contemplate the day
simmer in dismay
silence, stay
be dark,  fester in every way

I used to think
I was bold
my parents would scold
as I'd unfold another
lie within

we're all super heroes
of our own making
daily breaking
vows of patience
suffering selfish synonyms
for self investment

is it in our nature
to really love
to nurture
caring without a care
but for the good of those who incite our empathies

I want to believe that down deep
beneath the heap
of ******* steep
and plaster molded faces that creep
in front of our souls

there might be a light
an ever so slight
break in the blight
the rugged muck
that is my Plight
the one thing keeping me from flight
just solitary candle flame
burning bright
behind this facade

I know it was there
but I've grown cold
my sadness
madness anger rolled
so tight it might burst into flames
but that's the problem

I hope it isn't snuffed
that light
the gentle one
that hopes
dreams of possibility
denies the probability of  failure
and calamity

the flesh screams out in pain just wishing someone- I can't even say it

The truth is
I don't want to be a monster

Another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

I saw you in your time of need
your sores and pus I'd often bleed
with this we'd formed a sacred creed
I'd be a friend in word and deed

time and  time again you'd  stumble
and the more my tongue would fumble
your flesh grew big I grew humble
both our minds became a jumble

Another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

your every life like night and day
from Hot and cold you'd often sway
whilst my nine empty  dressed in grey
grew stagnant in lukewarm decay

with every passing solid moon
for your howling ache you'd swoon
my fear would take my every boon
in angst I would await high noon

another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

as I watched our friendships dying
I only wished that I was crying
eyes were dry,  was my heart lying?
thought of pain,  felt only sighing

do I pervert and weakness skelp
or in my lonely sorrow yelp?
was it in heart I tried to help
or do I prey on weakened whelps

another dead
another broken
another word is left
unspoken

You used to stand
for something beautiful
Now you don't stand at all

The liar told you
you were worthless
you believed and you broke
your own knees

I'm so tired
of watching you bleed
and cut your own wrists
I'm so tired
of feeling your blood
drip down on my fists

I feel your every pain
and I'd never walk away
but when you suicidally
lie to you cry to me
watching you strips
my soul away

but I'd pick you up a thousand times
and i won't have any bitterness
but i can't drag you to happiness
I can't be your victory
                      
If you want
to stand for you
to stand for me
for something meaningful
            
you have get up and fight for it
never give up on it
claw and you scratch and you
tear your way through to it

you gotta stand up

If you want to stand
for something meaningful
you'll have to use your own
two feet

Sometimes I like to go to sleep
and in my garden private reap
incorporeal and silent friends
no need for hurts or make-ammends

When waking into nightmares cold
could I be forward or so bold
to stay right here a moment more
this peaceful place my mind explore

I am not missed my friends aren't real
my pain and sorrow they won't feel
they tell me how so much they care
with hollow vacant bitter air

When nothing in my mind is real
what can hurt me,  what can I feel
we medicate to numb our pain
Why then are my holistics vain

Sometimes I like to go to sleep
as haunting thoughts upon me creep
their icy fingers slip away
left behind in yesterday

Crystalline shimmer
dancing in the background
lost to darkness thick
hated by so many
missed by so very few
fearing to be the one
only one to fall

Waiting for sunshine
thinking solely of absence
not pessimistic but cynical
watching closely the stars
hoping for that failure
just a single one
only one to fall

Crystalline shimmer
standing on the brink
peering over the cliff
never daring to jump
ignorant of its magnitude
broken masses led by the
only one to fall