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i can't exist
yet here i sit
pondering and wondrous

drums pound and clang
my heart the same
perceptible, still undertrained

i cannot lie
but always try
plunging over, horrified

so here no more
and there not for
pejorative excelsior

I've written less
to curb excess
predominant post-modernists
Just speaking is not enough...
Hoping against hope us not enough...
Never quitting is not enough...
Letting go is not enough...
Overcoming is not enough...
Love is not enough...
The future is not enough...
Triumph is not enough...
Wholeness is not enough...
Moving on is not enough...
Taking responsibility is not enough...
Going forward is not enough...
Every year we attempt, and plan, and plod our way through and all we ever do is not enough...
But you, you are enough.
the fretful fought for fated fetter
Friendship, danger, globe & anchors
what if there is no backdrop
i mean it could all be the central story, right?
i've called weaker plotlines boring and stronger ones interesting
and now when i see the story stretched out
not only over the course of my life
but through the tapered and weaving lives
of circles and slopes
of color and dreary bland borders

i see

i am compelled

it fills me

i was an artist
you were perfect
now I'm a worker
and you're confused
and the mess is better than any straight line ever drawn

we write and dance,
we share so selfishly,
like everything is ours to give
longer than longing and lingering still
washed and wanting stirred and sealed
exposed for the buyer of glistening fields
lost in the searching refusing to yield

will we sift and seek when kings are sleeping?
then will yourself between winking and weeping
a universe fills between verses and notes
all to tether by tying the ropes

so whispered wills a treasure more
so peril-filled and coffers stored
the pleasure sought by every king
to find God's glory in hidden things
I have fought Apollyon,
Upon the dawn of longing on
Arose from strangle-holden focus,
Underfitted overloaded,
Boded stranger, strangely broken
And on the other side of struggle
After-hours aptly uttered
Words of triumph mixed with spittle
Sweat and blood and withered whittled
Will and bear of predilection
Heavy laden slighted vision
And yet regret no fatal blow
To fine and fell my fated foe
Called above so thrown below
Wicked wastes on wanting throne
Cursed and calloused cradled claw
First to hubris first to fall
I’ve hated battle; brutal beaten
But you the worse, Apol the ******
I cry high all hope and prayer
Yet unrespondent standing there
I’m reminded I was subject
I was slave no title subtext
Beyond your kingdom freedom came
I rushed to kinship out from Cain
And now destruction twice escaping
I cling to dreams until a waking
Fall, call me back and fight again
I courage up, I enter in
Clanging faith and sword to reason
You’ve hailed my battle, named my treason
Fought till sweat was mixed with blood
Not mine but thorned and vaunted hung
Just the strength to steady aim
And ****** upon thy gruesome frame
So praise now high the Highest song
My heart halts hexed Apollyon
Pilgrim's Progress does this to me every time
science is tryin
but failin for lyin
fallin behind when
your "whats" let the "whys" in

wiser unwired
you couldn't explain why the white light is blinding
why the brain is a function but real thought's in the mind
real collapses
folds into quantum
falls back in your lap kids
beyond synapses,
trackin atlas lookin right at ya
take naps on your textbooks cause the answers are backwords
fold all the colors in half and get left building blackward
halfwits and hat tricks, half of the last wish

the speed of light is firstly faster than sound
but which came first the lost or the found
i've got an opinion, here i'll just jot it down
i like to think about not thinking
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