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 Mar 29 Girlrinth
Ciel Noir
the fear of the unknown
is visceral and real for me

unending
cold and empty

I want to understand
I want to be his medicine
I want to heal his soul
I want to bring him peace
Like he has never known
I want to bring him chaos, too
I want to bring it all
Give him pain and comfort
With my wild call
He sits on perches
Preening, playing,
Perfect to view
He wants for nothing
So what’s a hen to do?
He does not sing or caw or call
He thinks he’s already said it all
And frankly he could stay silent
And still be worth the time
Quiet bird
He may be free
When his cage is only imaginary
It seemed easier
to fall in love
with a stranger
across the sea
someone he would
never have to meet
never have to be
courageous enough
to talk to

So he did...
or at least
pretended to...

his heart failed
to notice the difference
or at least
it played along

and he smiled
a sad weary smile
but there was joy
tucked into the
corner of his lips

and that was
comfort enough
to allow him to sit
in his solitude
without the need
to feel lonely
Every time
I am angry,
Every time
I yell,
I feel like I am failing.

I want to talk to the world,
And have it hear me.
I want to whisper,
And have it matter.

But I don’t matter
Unless I make myself matter.
You can’t hear me
Unless I make you.

You listen when I’m angry,
But every time I am angry
I feel like I’m failing.
Every time I yell,
I feel the crazy
Buried underneath
Surfacing,
And I punish myself
For days.

I want to matter to you,
In my silence,
I want to matter,
When I’m calm.

I want to stop failing.

I want you to hear me.
There is no such thing as a path that leads to nowhere
Maybe it didn’t get you
Where you wanted to go
But you’re still somewhere else
Than where you started
And along the way
You grow
The righteous and blameless Saviour alone carried the cross,
For someone so unworthy and wretched like me, You paid the cost
Through redemption in Your Son, we are justified freely by Your grace
With new eternal life, may we seek Your face

You lovingly sent Your Son to die on the cross of Calvary for me,
Now that salvation is complete, forever I’m free!
My chains are gone, my debt is paid;
Through the cross, new hope for me is laid

My soul rejoices because Calvary covers it all,
Despite my sin and shame, You still gave Your call
You are merciful and faithful to save,
Nothing can ever separate us from Your love and grace!

Come, let us confess our sins and ask for forgiveness,
The faithful One will cleanse us from all righteousness
In Your light, we see light;
For in You, is the fountain of life!

Inspiration: Romans 3:24, 1 John 1:9, Psalms 36
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