You miss two or three celebrations, buy incentives, you beg me to come.
Meet and greet with brothers really different, we be bearing arms.
My family be at the table talking ****,
guess that's the price of love.
Putting money in his pockets, but I'm stressed, so here goes a dub.
For years, been writing page after page just to get a head nod.
Stay out the streets, get killed, or suffer;
my reason for over night jobs.
Trying not to rob.
I've always dropped the ball so I gave it to God.
Hanging out the window with my stick, we was out in Cobb.

I wanted to be in the league when I grew up.
I wanted to be in the streets when I grew up.
I wanted to be like bro when I grew up.
I wanted all the hoes when I grew up.

I wanted to be like my daddy when I grew up.
I wanted my own family when I grew up.
I wanted to free my cousin when I grew up.
I wanted to make it out when I grew up.

Never knew what love meant, I had to grow up.
I never knew how to vent, I need to grow up.

I was acting like a little boy, I had to grow up.
I be feeling like a lonely child, I gotta grow up.

The age of 25 I grew fonder of self love.
Neglecting myself had me lost on what was above.
Lack of my peers over years applying pressure.
My mind’s on autopilot, that’s the closest I’ll get to a Tesla.


My self denial and  selfish trials put bolts in me.
All this love,
Is this girl playing a joke on me?

Truly my deepest darkest fear is I lose it all.
Breaking me down where I thought I was all along
I can’t even express with my words, maybe a song
Maybe everything that I needed I had all along.

Everyone’s testing my patience.
Lately, can’t see what’s troubling me.
Part of it’s mental
Part is emotionally
Maybe just some pure love that I need.

Unfortunately I had to bleed to believe.
That’s why my hearts on my sleeve.

Suffer from hate.
Suffer from lost.
Brutality from the police.

I had to run and reflect on some things that’s putting a burden on me.
Recovery
Surgery

Life going fast as a 10 speed
And I can’t breathe
I can’t leave
And I can’t run
Surrounding myself with just 4 walls

They tell you to spread peace and love in prosperity
But if I hit the ground then I’m gon fall
With no pick up
This a stick up
For the ****** that’s coming to take all the money
If I bet a dollar for everything that you was raised
You couldn’t take none of it from me.

Or maybe you could.
Just like America
Destroying my mental
Create a criteria
Then you compare us

1200 dollars  just last me a week.

We wanna conquer, but hard to defeat
Protesting ain’t hurt enough or a speech.


If I goto the corner store, give every black man a dollar that’s homeless would that even teach.
They lie thru their teeth, so I gotta preach


You calling it anger and screeching, that **** is a reach.
Everyone’s at the top.
Won’t look beneath.

Until I got murdered cold blood in the street.

Heat waves.

I look to the sky for the answers beyond me.
The ways that I am are the demons that haunt me.

Misty feelings over shower these days.
I’ve been hiding my face, I can’t seem to retrace my steps in the mud because of fog.

But still proud of myself and all of the things that we’ve changed.
You put my heart in a rage.
Lately feelings have changed.
Us together has never existed.
I just ask on this one day you give me permission.
But you can’t play the field when you’re stuck on the sideline.

Lately I’ve just been over things.
Mood and weather controlling things.
Hardly can stand the rain either.
All my poems expose my ways.
Hope we’re growing for better days.
I lost the love of my life and every friend so I had to pray now you mean everything to me.
You change the climate.
Your mountains, I climbed.
Our problems I write it.
Everything’s in private.

Even Drake said it, this **** means everything to me.
Literally everything.
Now I don’t know where we stand, I use to hit you about everything.


What’s a real man to a cave man?
Tell me what’s love to a love child?
Running from pain that will last while, through this stormy weather I can hardly smile.
Type your address into maps with purpose.
Apprehensive and it makes me nervous.
I don’t know what else do after this, it’s my last poem, I guess I don’t deserve it.

I’m out for revenge.
I want the crown.
I’m down for the breach.
I got receipts.
I want my peace and I want some equity.
I’m working on trust and changing trajectory.
I’m not going to change.
I wanted a name.
I wanted the brand.
I studied the game.

I need a pen.
I need a pad.
I have to get a lot out of my brain.

I never had fame.
I don’t want clout.
I distance myself.
No one was reaching out.

I want the smoke.
I got the juice.
The more that eat, the more that I seek.
Stuck in the muse.

I want to be Drake.
I want to be Cole.
I want to be Dash.
I want to be Hov.

I want to be Meek.
I want to be him.
I want to be you.
I want to be me.

I wanted to live.
I wanted to ****.
I want to forgive.
I want to be chill.
But I don’t know how.

The more that I lie, the more that I save.
The more I protect, the more I neglect.
I’m harder to keep.
It’s harder to sleep.
It’s harder to breathe.
I’m out for respect.

I had a disconnect with my friends.
They’re choosing sides.
I wanted to ride.
I wanted to slide.
I’m looking for God.
I’m flirting with death.
I threw away pride.

I’m changing my mind.
I’m guiding my steps.
I’m practicing patience with so many reps.
Now I got a plan.
It’s forming a tree.
Covered in blood, it’s all on the leaves.

My last name is guilt trip.
Full first name resentment.
As bad as I wanted so many things, I never go the distance.

It’s even got me writing my poetry different.
Exposing myself to new limits and questioning everything in the universe and in between.

Now I have to distance myself.

My self pity and selfishness is what got me here in this position.
Having nightmares of demolition.
Misguided on intuition.
Love is something I’ve been misusing, only for my satisfactions or competitions.
Only thing in this loaded gun of mine is premonitions.

Now I need and seek clarity.
I once again need therapy.
I now too lack empathy.
I had to even just look up the definition, to make sure I use it correctly.
Tired of only giving to what won’t accept me.
I just hope that when the choir and the eulogy’s next me, we know what love cost.