How many times will I stumble before I learn where to place my feet?
How many "I love you"s will I mumble before you finally hear me?
How many years will waste on you, not getting what I want?
How many tears will follow nights of lust and the memories that haunt?
How many times will you tell me you don't know how you feel?
How many dimes will I throw to fountains just wishing it was real?
How many other girls have fallen for you only to find themselves alone?
How many worlds have you promised them then left them without a home?
All I want is honesty. If you don't love me, please, just say.
You're draining the life and love from me. No one is making you stay.

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

i want your garden
sprout from the earth
breathe you in
consume all of you

i want to feel
green in my feet
in between my toes
it can't be beat

the sweetest smell
it's like the fuel
i know it all
a little too well

the warm embrace
what is this place?
it seems you've left
without a trace

who are you now
you've left me again
i feel the fear inside
purer than the water
that brought us here
it's beginning to get to me

I look in the mirror
And see an old face.
My youth has absconded
at a frightful pace.

Where is the bounce
that I had in my step?
It seems at a cliff, in
my life, it had leapt.

It seems only yesterday
My life was so full.
The business of children
And life was a whirl.

An old woman you see,
But my  life is like yours,
Gone in a blink, not
keeping the scores.

Good times remembered
And always will be.
But sickness of heart
will be my final decree.

For people can see
in my eyes so clear,
That the way of my life
runs down my cheek,
   (in a tear)

When I answer to God
I will hold my head low,
And hope that he sees
I have nowhere to go.

For life went so fast
Seemed I had no control.
Forgiveness I ask Him.
Please take my soul.

The beauty of a woman
is in the poems she's wrote,
the dreams she's weaved
and all the stories she's told.

The beauty of a woman
is in the adventures she's taken,
the lives she's touched
and all the minds she's awakened.

The beauty of a woman
is in the caring she gives,
the sincerity in her laughter,
and the passion in her griefs.

It's not the expensive clothes she owns,
her body size, the diamonds she's worn.
Measure not the beauty of woman in gold,
for the beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul.