how many dreams have I been in?

if you only knew how often I stay awake at night thinking of us
i think of memories so sweet
they make me feel warm inside
reminding me of how much i loved you
how much i loved the person you used to be
they bring a sad smile upon my lips
how long until i will stop thinking of you like this

Does the late  night chats?
You telling me you love me?
The kisses?
The jacket?
Me loving you?
My best friend being mad at me because of you?
Me getting a headache from the smoke smell on your jacket,
But its worth it right??
Does this all mean something?

months came and months went
I still felt trapped inside this tent.
I couldn't breathe and the walls were caving in on me.
I was drowning in the memories of us, and nobody could see my cuts.
I tried to rise above but I kept sinking down.

so I gave up, and I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't stay, but I need to go away.

I miss being happy
I miss being in love
I miss smiling
I miss waking up and not wishing I hadn't  
and most importantly,
I miss being me

maybe the secret to their love was that they didn't know they were in love

i beg for you to call one last time because my worst fear is forgetting your sweet voice when i need to hear it the most