that night, under the dark midnight sky
I weaved daisies into your hair
and pinned dandelions to the collar of your shirt
left lipstick trails like stars along your jaw
and goose bumps trailing behind my fingertips

and I came home at three a.m
wearing your soft grey jacket
and traces of your cologne on my skin
sleep willingly lost
and innocence willingly traded
for just a taste
of what love truly is

I thought I could trust in you enough to reach for you as I was drowning.
I was foolish to think you were my life raft
when you were the undercurrent that kept pulling me down.
Farther and farther out I went
into this open sea of vulnerability and naivety.
I was hopelessly engulfed in this idea of who I wanted you to be.
I romanticized you and every word that spilled from your mouth.
So much that your lies were salt water in my open wounds
and I let myself believe they were the stitches.

i bet even after all this time
that if my chest were to
ache with emptiness enough
like it used to i could go to your house
and find the outline of our bodies
on your dark blue bed sheets
i have spent the last year
both trying to run from you
and find you at the same time
but i left everything i knew
about falling in love
on that mattress and
it's still settling there
like dust and
all i can do is write about you
until it comes back to me,
or by some kind of miracle,
you decide to.

I would hold back
the sea with my
bare hands

If you asked