she is not good at poetry, she says
as she writes stories of love
from orion to scorpion
speaking in the language of the stars
as she tries to close the gap the universe has made between them

everlasting, ever so sweet
though unsure if they'll ever reach him
her tales of affection shall last
till the world's last breath

god made stars
for starving poets

when they look up
they forget
how hungry they are

    ~mce

i don't watch home movies
hate them
reason being because
when i was young
i was looking for a movie
my mother
had recorded for me
and accidentally
put one in the vcr
that i'm not sure
i was supposed to see
i know the obvious response
"uh oh, ****"
sorry to disappoint
they were only marked with dates
  1991
on live television
montel williams asks my father
"how can you just throw
your child away like a piece of trash?"
   1994
i spend so much time
in the emergency room
that my parents stop
penciling in growth marks
on the frame
of my bedroom door
i always thought
it was because they believed
i would never grow out
of this sickness
sometimes i believe
the reason that they
never bought me a dream catcher
was because they never thought
i'd live long enough
to see them come true
   1996
i am eliminated
from a spelling bee
because i didn't know
the 'dad' is silent in 'family'
   2013
before i got into poetry
i used to do standup
none of my jokes were funny
one of the other comics
tells me my skits are dry
sometimes sad
he says "why don't you joke
about something like your family?"
so i say
"i never wore any sunblock
because i didn't want anything
to keep me from my father"
i say "what do you call christmas
without lights or heat?"
before he has a chance
to answer
i say "1997. better yet
why don't you
make like a dad and
leave"
   2014
every time we drive
past the hospital
my mother reminds me
how much it cost to save my life
like she'd rather
have her money back
she doesn't have to say
that sometimes she wishes
it was me who had died
instead of my brother
i can hear it in the way
she says "love you"
sometimes i imagine
that if i were to die
that she
would pick out a casket for a child
because she never loved
the person i became
yesterday i told my father
how close i'd been
to suicide lately
and he said
"that's my boy,
livin on the edge.."
and i can't remember
if i laughed
or cried

he treats her like goddess
he treats her right.
he waits for her, he calls,
brightens her nights.

he speaks of her with so much love
affection
in every word he says-
there's her reflection.

with every breath he takes he thinks of her
he worries, occupied with her concerns.

he sends her letters, keeps her in his sight
he treats her like a goddess
treats her right.

and in return, i notice every time
when she looks up at him
her eyes glow with sincere light.
They widen, open to the world
when she looks up at him
i see, they are two stars
illuminating night.

What I felt for him was love, for sure
But it was unrequited, not reciprocated
Never payed, never returned

These so called feelings grew stronger
Stronger than it has ever been and ever will
For they never wanted to be banished

I was afflicted when he posted that photo
It caused me my very first heartbreak
The pain was unbearable

Things go as they please
Feelings grow, feelings fade
I just hope I get a second chance on love

a love that does not exist in his eyes but only in mine

From afar, I look at him
In a crowded place, my eyes search for only him;

From afar, I listen as he starts talking
It sounds like angels singing;

From afar, I see his smile as he walks by
It feels like I am lifted up high in the sky;

From afar, I will love him with all my heart
Even though it seems like we are worlds apart;

From afar, I feel like he is mine
Wishing our hearts would someday intertwine;

From afar, I dream of him
And I know it is only there that I will have him
'Coz I know this is just a one sided love
His love, I cannot have.