01:52 am
have you ever asked yourself like why you so lonely?*

01:53 am
or empty?

that maybe you give too much of your essence to people and never leave any of you for yourself

01:55 am
i know i do

02:05 am
and like that's maybe why i get so attached to humans

because in them,
i find myself

02:07 am
i need to change, because things shouldn't be this way

02:10 am
but it's hard sometimes you know, when most days you don't leave the house because you feel unworthy of the space you take up

02:16 am
so you'd much rather disintegrate into soil because you've become all too familiar with people stepping over you and admiring the outcome of your beauty but never the roots of your pain

02:19 am
i spend so much effort watering people in order for them to grow and hardly get enough sun shine to feed my own soul

02:25 am*
because i don't know how to do anything else but care for everyone but myself

Looking through the windows to the times that were my past
You blink and they're forgotten, they leave our mind so fast
Remember when you knew every program on tv
How you knew what time they started from noon till almost three
You knew each player on each team in every league there was
But now you know you know no one and the reason is because
We've gotten older, times are tough, our priorities have changed
We can remember all these things again, if we'd only rearrange
We look back and admire how things were simple then
How we'd like to go back there in time and do it all again
There've been improvements to our life since, but none that would mean more
Than getting up and looking outside and finding fresh bread at your door.
Folks our age miss the fifties and the sixties and the joys that they did bring
We can't stand todays new music, these new bands can barely sing
But if you listen close it's funny, it's not just us that miss the past
Look at retro nights for eighties bands, they've sprung up really fast
Our kids think going backwards might be better somehow too
So, while you may not talk about it, they think the same as you
Remember when the Beatles came and burst upon the scene
Now, our grandkids like their music, they're the best that's ever been
Nostalgia is emotional and I don't think it's a craze
We all have got a reason for going to those days
It might be just a teacher, how they treated you in school
It might be for your self esteem, back then you were real cool
But, whatever is the reason, we're here now, that's a fact
But we have a sure fire method that;s sure to take us back
Listen to some music, look at old time photographs
You'll be taken back in time again to where you had some laughs
A simple scent might set you free and move you forty years
It might just be so strong that it would bring you right to tears
So, take some time and ruminate on what it means to you
You can travel back in time each day to nineteen sixty two
Just keep your feet here, planted firmly on the ground
Or they'll lock you up forever more, because your mind it is not sound
Now, I'm off on a small journey, I won't be gone for long
I hear Captain Fantastic starting up by Elton John.

There is no haunted house scarier than the place I speak of.
No creepy woods late at night compares.
The scariest place a human can be, a place no one is safe from.
To be alone with your thoughts can be the most devastating place anyone could be.
You are trapped with only thoughts and feelings and nothing can save you but yourself.
Some people are easily able to evade the thoughts and move on to other things, but some of us aren't that lucky.
For those of us who are trapped inside the tunnels of our minds we constantly are interrupted by overwhelming thoughts and nothing can stop them.
It's easy for people on the outside to think we can just turn off these bad thoughts but for us trapped there is no escaping this horrifying place. It's a constant battle of worry and misconceived ideas that we aren't good enough, that everything we do isn't enough for someone.
But never give up the internal battle with the demons that hide in your tunnel. You are good enough.

When you know that life and death are one
And nothing in the space divides;
You realize that you're all alone
There's no place you can run and hide.
Your faults and sins are all your own
You choose to feed which way they grow
Good or bad, what become
Inside, you hold the blame, you know.
You would not, could not dare believe
That life is all it seems to be;
Some higher purpose intertwined
Has built the hope and faith in me.
How could one see the purple haze
As sun retires to the night
Without knowing God is there
And He will aid me in this fight.

Wondering lost
Through realms of time
Feels like I'm running
Or trying to hide.
Why can't I stop?
Stability's unsure,
Can't find my footing
Or get my foot in the door.
Where's my niche?
Where do I belong?
What's the right path?
What am I doing wrong?
Maybe I just need
To stop and breathe,
To know I belong
And try to believe.
Not everyone finds their place
Right away
Why it takes some longer
No one can say.
But those that take longer
I'm come to observe,
Have a better foundation
And a stronger nerve.
Maybe that'll be
The case for me,
When I find that place
I'm meant to be.

Every legend begins with a truth
I've often heard it said
And it makes me start to wonder
About all the things I've  read.
Did Merlin really exist?
Does magic live out there
And if it does
I wonder where.
Atlantians may have acclimated
In the ocean depths where they abide.
They've learned to live and breathe
In the waters where they reside.
Maybe there's a whole new civilization
Down on the ocean floor
Where Neptune ad all the mermaids live,
Those fantasies we adore.
Every eye-drawing man I see
I'm beginning to speculate
Could it his werewolf blood
That doubles my heart rate?
That **** specimen of magnificent man
Does he change when day becomes night?
Does he thrive on the feels of adrenalin
Or how easy he can cause fright.
Does he run in a pack when the moon is full
Does he lure women to his bed
What determines our strength of will?
That tiny human thread.
In the dark of night across the crowd
His eyes lock onto me;
And though I long to pull away
He's all that I can see.
I see the tiny point of fangs
As he leads us to solitude
And I feel the rush of adrenalin
As sure as I feel the doom.
****** awake by the vivid dreams
The memories begin to flood,
But reality quickly opens my eyes
When I see the drops of blood.
There are predators out there in the streets
Not all the human kind,
And fear of what we don't understand
Encourages us to be blind.
Those things that terrify us
The predator in the night;
We are so foolish to assume
They're not there in the light.

After reading a few of your comments
I felt bad,
Like I didn't measure up somehow.
I started wondering
What you didn't like;
Like I needed your approval.

But it got me Thinking;
And poetry, after all
Is an expression of one's self,
And it doesn't matter
If -
My poetry reached out
and touched your heart
or bit you on the ****;
You read,
You responded
Point is - it made you think
And for moment,
I forgot that was what it was suppose to do.
Pardon the self indulgent pity!!
Thanks for reading and responding

When the son said "Father
What must I do'
I'll do it no matter the cost."
The Father replied,
"There's only one thing to do
You must follow the road to the cross."

Mocked and scorned and beaten
He gave his life
For the lost;
He did not wish to go
But he followed the road to the cross.

The way to the cross isn't easy
It's narrow and it's straight;
But it's a road that must be taken
If we're to enter Heaven's gate.

I wanted to write something marvelous, something so beautiful it would make you stay.
An ocean of words rushed through my brain
But none of them could create a sentence that was good enough.
I wanted to steal your shoes, just to walk in them and feel what you feel.
I wanted to give you the chills
But you're already so cold that I freeze just thinking of lying next to you again.