you are 1,398.42 miles away
Not too far, but still not that near
I long for your tight hugs as we sleep
I long for you sweet kisses in the morning
I miss looking into your brown eyes while daydreaming of the day that we’ll walk towards forever, together

You are 1,398.42 miles away
Not too far, but still not that near
8 days, maybe a short time for some
But my heart is aching, my heart can no longer wait for you to come back
It feels like I am waiting for an important mail from the postmaster
It feels like I am waiting for Christmas day


You are 1,398.42 miles away
Not too far, but still not that near
How many sheeps do I need to count before you I see your face again?
I can’t wait, I just can’t any longer
But I know for a fact that you my darling , you’re worth the wait

For years, I kept promises in boxes
Hid them under my bed, inside drawers and cabinets
I hid them in the shallow corners of my heart

For years, I kept on dreaming
Dreamt of warm hugs and forehead kisses
And every night I find myself hopelessly crying

For years, I have loved
Friends and strangers, loved them in the best possible way
But I failed, I have always failed not only them but myself as well

For years, I have given up
I have given up on finding love, on finding the one who has the other half of my heart
And at that moment, the universe gave me the best surprise of my life

I have finally ended the game. The game I started years ago, only to find myself in the losing end. Always. But after years of countless losses, I have regained my strength.
I've won, several times before. But the victory wasn’t as sweet as I imagined it would be.
It felt worse than losing, the guilt haunted me during my sleep and it was an unhappy feeling.

What I only wanted was to find someone who would challenge me, someone who will try to get into the depth of my existence. But when they almost did, that's when I decide to bail. Called it a night and never showed up for the next round of the game.
I was the worst person. But I never regret anything.

For in all my losses and triumphs, no matter how ***** I played the game, I have learned something.
And that is not to find someone who will challenge me, maybe I should start challenging my own self.
I should dig deep into my soul and find what truly gives me bliss
That winning isn’t everything and that creating an illusion that losing is the answer to finding one’s self worth will not move mountains, neither will create peace on earth.

I have finally ended the game.

The monster appeared today infront of my greatest fear
I wanted to stop it but the damage has been done
I fear that he will never love this side of me
I fear that he'll eventually leave me

Why do good things have to come to an end?
Why do I alway have to **** up everything?

I can never unlove you, darling.

"You are my greatest fear" I whispered to your ear while lying in my pink sheets last night
You asked me why, you wanted me to answer
But I just couldn't figure out the reason why
Maybe I am afraid of the things that you make me feel
Maybe I am afraid of the things you make me do
Maybe, no not maybe
I am afraid to lose you
I wasn't sure if my answers would suffice
Then I said, "You told me I was your weakness, now tell me why?"
You closed your eyes, and smiled
You couldn't answer a three letter question, "why"?
Because there are some questions that we cannot answer
Not even science can help us in identifying the reasons

I have completely lost it
It's like there is a hack done in my heart
It can't be undone
You are like a virus that quickly spread into my system
Your presence consumes me
Your love strikes me down to my very core

It's an exhilarating feeling whenever I am with you
Help me please I cannot breathe anymore
You give me reasons to love life, to love myself more

What did I ever do to deserve you?
I am inlove with you, need I say more?
And I sure can tell that you we are on the same page
**** son, I cannot hide these feelings anymore