Dissociation saves, in my soul,
A shard of grief
For the next friend of mine
That leaves.

Hiding away into fantasy,
Pretending when I let mind
Slip from the hinges
Into the foresight.

An Atlas hold on my sky
Before the fall,
Knowing bracing
Won’t save bone from
Shards and splinters.

Fearful of loneliness
And forgottenness,
Shaking at honesty
Taking my fingertips
To write the truth.

Fantasy embraces me gladly,
As the thought of you two leaving,
Takes sanity and peels it
Like a scab.

Please don’t forget about me, my friends.

Existential horror
Trapped in a loop
You’d become centered again
Only to ask me the same question again
“What happened to me?”
And I must give you the same answer
“You were in an accident”
This is the world I live in
Of horrible pathologies
But for those who love you
It was an overwhelming terror
And an ever deepening sadness
Every time you asked who they were
The son you raised
And the wife who raised him with you
Every bit of you taken
You can’t even remember who you are
By the time you think to ask
You’re back at square one
Until you never return to us
Your brain keeps your heart beating
And your lungs expanding
Just a little longer
And though you’re gone now
I take comfort in the fact
That there is no mind to suffer anymore

Was it the crook in my neck,
Or the tension in my back
That set me off course
To start the day?

Was it my sore feet,
Or the dust in my lungs
That sparked a thread
Of anger inside me?

Was it, perhaps,
A dream I had forgotten
Before my eyes blinked awake?
I could feel my heart racing…

The stars seem more dull,
The sky, a tinge more grey,
My step with less motivation,
And mind, less patient.

I’m missing something
That I don’t remember now,
But I feel it when the wind
Runs around my neck.

You can see the goosebumps emerge,
And a sigh of relief push out
With a moment of tilting back my head
And eyes closed.

Today, I’m missing something
That I’ve forgotten,
But I miss it now more than ever;
Can I make it stop?

We’re past the sinking feelings
At rock bottom there’s no further to fall
Except six feet further
And I know everybody has these thoughts
But it’s getting harder every day
To say no and to keep on living

Would it be wrong then
To keep you in the dark
Knowing your words will never reach me
Would you rather say you tried
Or would the guilt
Of having tried and failed
Consume you too?

Would it be wrong
To give you just a little more normal
Or at least the illusion of it
Not tell you about the bomb inside
That you wouldn’t be able to defuse
Would you prepare for the inevitable
Fight against impossible odds
Or drive yourself to insanity

There’s no easy way to say
That I’m thinking of ending things
And I don’t want to see you
Try to stop me
So I’m sorry
But I chose to give you a little longer
Of not worrying about a battle you can’t win
Not worrying about the bomb
That can no longer be defused
Until the day that you find me
What was me on the bathroom floor
And all the normalcy in your life
Is blown to smithereens

Just because your team ***** this year,
Doesn’t mean you’ll shift your support,
You’ll defend them as you would yourself,
As though your life depends on the opinion.

It's like the turning of a faucet
If you stay in the hot too long you'll boil your hand
If you stay in the cold you'll freeze
Are you going to move before you get punished
Or are you going to stick with your team?

Justified in your opinion
As you won the game,
You’ll shoot the opposition down
Claiming “fake news” as a bleat
That only adds irony
To your flock of sheep.

But don’t get me wrong:
The other side bleats just as loud,
With the wavering cries
And nights spent in paranoia,
After calling out at the other side,
You’re just as bad.

Address your strengths together,
Understand each other’s weaknesses
And prejudices to stop the fire from spreading,
Because spending every four years undoing
What the other side has done
Leads on a winding path to nowhere.

It's like the turning of a faucet, I said,
A faucet of denying that both sides
Have gone much too far.
Turn on the other side,
To combine both,
Or we’ll only ever exist in fire-hot or freezing-cold.

The look in your eyes
I wonder if I have it too
When we’re so caught up in each other
Fast-beating hearts and heavy breaths
Try not to make a sound
When all I want to do is scream your name
My mind’s been on fire
With all the happy chemicals
Since your hand touched mine
Sweaty bodies coming closer
To that beautiful shared euphoria
The heat fogs the windows
I hope nobody sees us

What should be so perfect and happy
Is tainted by stray thoughts
It’s not that I don’t love you..
I’m just scared..
This love could get us killed

"It doesn't matter what we make as long as we make something"

(Tomorrow will be better)

Sometimes I have gay thoughts
So you could say I got a fruity brain
If I sat too long and got a pressure ulcer
I guess you’d call that ***** pain
I only hit 360 no-scope headshots
When I play that Call of Duty game
I think about food 14 hours a day
I guess it’s just a foodie thang

And so the cycle repeats
From one in-person
To six online,
And the projection for the next year
Is likely to continue
With a moving average
Of about the same lows and highs,
Producing a straight, flat line.

Don’t bet on me.

A tear runs down their face
Falling like a drop of blood
Into a pool of sharks
The fruit is still only maturing
But the monsters fully grown
Won’t wait for it to fall from the tree
You’re so mature for your age
You have a pretty young woman’s face
The boys your age don’t know
How to appreciate a beauty like yours

Silver-tongued devils roam the halls of the church
It couldn’t happen here
Somewhere so sacred and secure
But such places draw the vulnerable and trusting
How could cannibals like them resist
The urge to prey on those who pray so desperately

In the halls of the school
The young are ****** into the final phase
The final ascent to adulthood
The steps will get you there eventually
But there are many with a taste for young blood
Who would be happy to show you the elevator

Upperclassmen, Teachers, Pastors, Family and Family Friends
Those who have positions of power
The trusted and respected
How could I speak out
What risk would that bring me
What if no one believes me....

Monsters, cannibals, zombies, vampires
All fictional to the rest
But for many these evil beings
Are as real as the heart beating in your chest

The worst of it is, they’re told to keep quiet. This could ruin somebody’s life. Without acknowledging that it already has, and that who they’re protecting is the antagonist. I hope you have trouble sleeping tonight. I hope you trust the locks on your doors. Because you’ve caused some to lose the ability to trust at all, and you go on living without remorse. If your only fear is of being caught, or you try to justify what you’ve done. Then I’ll have as little remorse, when the time for reckoning comes. No longer will we tolerate a society that keeps your names and faces safe. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but you’re not dealing with anyone as self-righteous as yourself.