am i strong am i strong am i strong am i strong will i
will i survive?*
you rub your eyes dry so that no one will know
about the crumpled up tissues that still litter the bathroom floor
the discarded strips of metal shining from their hiding place underneath your bed
(you used to keep fairytales there;
now there are only monsters)
fatality is not in your vocabulary but you might need to put it in soon
you need to know that she will hold you hair for you
while you spit up blood
and she will whisper that it will be alright
even while she digs her fingernails into the small of your back
you need to know that
she is lying to you as she is lying with you she doesn't care she will call you a monster and rip out your ******* lungsbreathe
strength is incalculable
i cannot help you to walk if your legs are broken
{ your lungs are made of tar and you can't remember when it was
the last time you could breathe }
life is too sentimental so you've taught yourself not to feel
but you will still scream
as she rips your teeth out and swallows them
you are speeding too fast for me to follow for anyone to
follow
i don't think you know how to slow down
strength is a chemical weakness i wonder
what pulses through your bones to make them hate you so much
i wonder what you ever did to make her hate you so much
you are train tracks
waiting to be trodden on
strength is not in your vocabulary
and you're pretty sure it never will be
a cigarette dangles carelessly
from chapped lips
your song has never been so discordant.

i tried to look through your eyes today

at me, me, the girl who trusted you, (who trusts you, maybe...)

i saw a girl who sat, almost at your feet for God's sake,

and let words pour out of my mouth like i was
throwing up last nights dinner, because i hadn't eaten that night

and i saw a girl who couldn't face the mirror, because she
doesn't know how to act around strangers

there was a girl who made me sad, made me wish i could take
all the pain away

i saw a girl who was constantly HIDING (no, i was just... okay, maybe i was hiding) in too big sweaters and buns, long sleeves and leggings

dear GOD, its nearly 90 degrees outside, why are you wearing long sleeves?

because she has squiggly ink on her arms she doesn't want you to see

oh, oh but i figured it out

she wears these things because she's hiding

this is what you see- you see me, like nobody else

ever

has

r.c.