you know me; everyone knows me
i am the
social,
friendly,
well-known girl.
i am friends with everyone,
i compliment every girl i see,
i smile at everyone i make eye contact with.
i am always
smiling,
laughing,
talking,
dancing.
i live to make others laugh
i worry for everyone else's safety before i think about mine
i am in every friend group
i know every person in the halls
i deflect and laugh when people ask about me
i am always the first to reach out
i smile when i am angry
i laugh when i am sad
i am the ******* sun when i am happy

but i am also the girl who cries because she doesn't have any real friends
i starve and enjoy feeling hungry
i binge and stick my fingers down my throat
i stare in the mirror for too long and try everything to fix myself
i look at every girl in the lunch line and take note of:
what i should and shouldn't have
what i need to change and keep
i brush my hair obsessively
i look in every single reflection
i go to sleep late and wake up the same way
i smile when it is the last thing i want to do
i laugh even though i am revolted by the sound
i drink water like it is the new Coke
i chew gum until the flavor is long gone
i obsess over anything i can because i live off of distractions
******* in my stomach is muscle memory and
"i'm great, how are you?"
is my catchphrase

do you really know me?