There’s a particular provocativeness
In dark purple under the eyes
In mascara and eyeliner caked under fingernails
In wrinkles between the brows
In opaque smiles

There’s a mysterious longing
In hands through hair
In lips chapped and the color of wilting roses
In fluttering lavender eyelids
In unconsciousness in the air

Nothing about this is beautiful
Your up-until-6am staring in the dark
Your scrapes and scratches
Your calloused fingertips
Your boney spine

Nothing about this is beautiful
Your frantic, wild talks about how you don’t know yourself
Your desperateness to understand your mind

Sitting sobbing sadness in the shower
Bruised knees pressed into your eye sockets
Hugging your folded legs
Feeling the hot water drain with your emotions

There’s a particular provocativeness
In being so ****** up that you know you’re unloveable
You’re an interesting specimen,
But this kind of life is not beautiful
romantic
you do not want this.