Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
Dear 2020,
   When I write to you I now have to keep in mind that it isn't only strangers reading my letters. It's Ian, too.
   So, from now on, being honest will probably be harder than it used to be. And I may not write as much as I used to.
  I got some poetry today, carefully sneaking out of the library a book of collected poems by Sylvia Plath, although my mother doesn't want me to read them (she killed herself when she was around thirty).
   And I got some reading glasses because my some of my numerous medications make my eyesight worse.
   So it sounds like I coping well with my condition, and life is going on as it always should have. But it's not.
   I still have those thoughts, I still tye nooses around my neck and I still feel like I'm crawling across rock bottom. And most of all, I hate myself. I don't feel worthy of any love or attention, and it hurts my heart when someone says they love me, although of course, I want people to love me. It's just that although I want them to, I don't feel deserving of it when they do.
   And my allergies are getting worse. I now can't eat apples, peaches, watermelon, blueberries, or bananas. I don't eat meat either, and I'm thinking of cutting out sweet things from my diet because I'm unhappy with my appearance, as usual. So in the end, is it worth eating anything anyways?
   Part of me wants to die and be forgotten forever as if I were never here. The other part is terrified by this thought and wants to be remembered as someone to tried and failed, not tried and gave up. Both parts want to die. But, I should keep positive, right? Maybe then my life won't **** as much as usual.

I wish I could just cut everyone out of my life with a snap so that no one would have to bother to attend my funeral when I die and pretend to be sad.


                                             Love always,
                                                                   Hollin
sigh. sadness. ya. oof. im sorry.
how many other sad catchphrases can i steal from people i know?
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
Dear 2020,
   Yesterday I proved that you can make a noose out of a belt if it is long enough. And yes, it will hurt for a moment before it tightens, but isn't that deserved? Yes. I fastened it around my neck and pulled, just for that choking feeling. Now, that feeling haunts me.
   And I keep writing suicide notes, but I don't really like any of them. Then I thought, why am I bothering? These letters are my suicide notes! They show perfectly my anguish, my feelings. They show that better than anything else I could write.
   I... I am scared of death, somehow. Although I seem to want it so badly. Wait. Wait, no. I have to stay positive, remember? I promised myself and someone up above that I would stay positive in the hopes that then... yes. I shall stay positive.
                                            Love always,
                                                                   Hollin
yay for promises
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
Dear 2020,
   I leaving Old Vineyard today! Therefore, I am feeling like a ten and wanting to jump for joy! I am so excited. I will be able to see Machaela and Sean again! I will be able to watch anime again! And read books that are actually good!
   But... I won't be able to see Harley, Shana, Mackenzie, or Tamia again... You better not forget them, future me! Hahah. I may have some of their information, though. lol.
                                         Love Always, Hollin
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
Dear 2020,
   I should be discharged on the 29th. I must keep this in mind. Only two more days. Only two more days. Only two more days.
   I can't be that long, right? It'll fly by, especially since tomorrow is a holiday and I don't have school.
   I wish I did have school, though. Then the day might go by faster. And I hate how thinking about it makes it take longer. Oh well...
                                           Love always, Hollin

J.K.
I am so bored!
I want to have P.E.
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
As a young girl, Carolina Summers did not do many things that most children her age would consider interesting. Whilst they stayed outside with their siblings, splashing in mud and swimming in creeks, Carolina stayed mostly inside, going outside only to tend to her meager garden and to find and categorize the different species of bugs in the area. In the meantime, she read and had stacks upon stacks of books piled up in her small room.
   She would gladly read anything she could get her hands on, from biographies on people she had never heard of to actions being performed that she had never wanted to hear of. But one thing was the same throughout every book she read: she was quite grateful that it existed if only to please her for a matter of hours, they often made her think long and hard afterword about how she could use the information she learned to better her own life. And if she could use this gift to better her life, she was even more grateful for it.
                                          end
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
Though she resided in a simple, small town, Carolina had always dreamed of one day traveling the world. She had never actually thought that she would be able to achieve this in her current life, as she had become quite old. Little did she know, she was soon to find her metaphorical rabbit hole to Wonderland.
   It was on a cold and cloudy day that Carolina Summers found herself tending her sparse garden. The few carrots reaped were small and shriveled, the cabbages thin and weak, and the melons hardly reaching a green color in the least.
  So it was to the market that Carolina headed. With a few coins jingling in her money purse and determination jingling in her soul, she laced her tall kid boots and began the miles-long trek to the nearest town.
   On the way she had passed many farms like her own, though many of them were much larger than her humble homestead. They boasted herds of huge cattle, flocks of sheep, and earth-colored Clydesdales, while Carolina’s meager farm boasted only the withered garden and the age-old tom cat that prowled around, catching what few mice there were.
   So it was with envy and grit that she gazed upon these large farms, run by only the most powerful and influential families. She was determined for her own abode to someday provide an aura of grandeur, though her family was not from this area, she was quite poor, and perhaps the second least influential person in the entire county. But of course this could change with time, she thought. Anything can change with enough time and enough work. This was her motto, and she had stuck to it through thick and thin.
   Thinking through this on her hike to the market, Carolina was soon shaken from her thoughts by a disturbance in the underbrush near her feet.
   Squatting by the quivering leaves and peering through them, Carolina gasped in surprise. For it was none other than a miniature man that had stepped out from the underbrush near the road!
   He wore a tall and wrinkled blue hat, green tights, a yellow buttoned tunic, and red stockings inside tiny leather boots. His face, which was as old and wrinkled as his hat, wore red rosy cheeks and a cheerful smile. For a moment he simply looked up at Carolina without surprise, then he took off his hat and smiled, saying,
“greetings, my fair lady. How fare you on this fine morn?”
   Being quite taken aback, Carolina found herself completely speechless for a few moments. Before long, though, she found which words she would like to say, though only a few sentences could not hold all of the questions now swarming in her mind.
   “G-good morning, fine Sir. And how polite you are! Such a thing is refreshing nowadays. But I must ask, how is it that you are so… close to the ground, I wonder?”
   “I am close to the ground, because I am standing on it!” The small man laughed, his withered hat nearly falling off his furry head. “But I do know that that is of course not what you mean.
                                                                      end
Tana F Bridgers Jun 2018
Dear "I love you"
I've never really understood you,
how you are so full of commitment,
passion,
excitement,
confidence,
secrecy,
jubilance,
­mirth,
and, well, love.
And yet,
you are used so carelessly.
Without thought or meaning.
And I stop to think when I hear you,
are you really meant when you are used?
Tana F Bridgers May 2018
Oh, how I long-
to sit at the banks
of that wide river,

that holds so many
of my memories captive,
in its rushing waters

dip my fingers into
the swirling currents
to check the temperature of my thoughts

Lo, I long for those days to come again,
when I could step easily into
the river I now fear,

To draw out what I desire,
the words, the thoughts, the feelings-
like rocks, like fish, like earth,
And pan out the gold.

Pan out the gold to gift to you,
like I used to

But we understand-
the river is now empty,
and gold sinks beneath sand.

— The End —