two years ago
we were at church camp
i told myself i forgive you
i told God that i forgive you

i thought that if i forgave you
the nightmares would stop
the triggers would cease
and that maybe a could see you as a person
and not the person who took everything from me

but that’s not what happened
it all got worse
the nightmares became real
i wake up screaming
begging for you to stop

i don’t forgive you
i never will
i hate you
with all of my being

they know what you did to me
and the know what it did to me
yet they allow you to bother me
they allow you to be in the same room
they allow you to be in society

if wishes were bullets
you’d be dead to me

in a way
i’m an experiment
a surgical project
i teach the broken boys how to love

they practice on me
they learn to say the right things
to do the right things
and to avoid the wrong things
and how to not say something stupid

the problem is tho
how am i supposed to know
when a boy wants me
and not a lesson
will i even know how to handle it?
or will i freak and leave
how will i know if its real
and not an experiment

it’s getting to the point to where i need a lesson
not on how to love
but how to be truly loved
because i don’t know what that feels like
for the only thing on a guys mind to be me
and not because they want something
but because they want to give me everything

because everytime
he takes what he needs
learns what he wanted to know
and treats the next girl how i would treat him,
perfectly

i wonder if that’s why im here
to teach boys how to love the broken girls
if i’m just supposed to help fix girls ill never even know

i’m trying to come to peace with it
but i’m a broken girl too
i want for a boy to actually fix me
not pretend too

i am grateful to you readers because
without you nobody would
read my words.

i am grateful to you poets because
without you nobody would...





inspire me.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU & THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART: FOR YOUR READING, WRITING, ADDING, REPOSTING, LIKING AND LOVING.

YOURS
MIKEY