I want
Younger me
To see me Succeed
in our dream.
That is what my answer should be,
But instead its
I have to make my father proud
Of me.
I want to hear those words slip from his mouth
That he is proud.
I strive
with everything I do in life,
From the pen that I write
To steps I take.
Everyday,
My goal is to hear him say
He is proud.
That is all I want in the end.
All my hard work
My grades
My life
Down to the outfits,
I want it from his lips,
His mouth
to speak,
I AM PROUD.

I am the oldest daughter,
I just wish i could be better at it.
Even though i have reasons for my actions,
Still alone with my guilt i sit.

I feel responsibilities,
That are not meant for me.
And when things are out of my control,
There's no way i can let it be.

I was raised a soldier,
Who felt like i needed to lead an army.
So now when it seems like i failed,
I hide it away but feel it sharply.
Sometimes i feel more like a parent,
Than my real parents are.
Even though i need being a child the most,
And everyday i'm fighting a mental war.

I am the monster,
I am trying to protect them from.
I hate the way i destroy,
When it's a healer i want to become.

Even though it's safe,
I still look out for the danger that may be.
Just to see,
That the only danger there really is,
Is me.

-anoeska