"I prefer the term fracture over break because fractures tend to heal better. I also prefer flying over falling, because that way I'm by your side. I've always been one to believe that loving someone meant being with them made you more free to be you. You're just a better you with them.

"And I don't know what I believe anymore, honestly. I thought I finally got it right when healing from a fracture. That you can't hold out hope for the unknown, that no one is reliable, that people like me don't get closure and are generally damaged, and the crueler you are the better things go for you. I just don't have it in me to be that way, to be cruel. But here you are proving me wrong, just when I was losing hope on my dream of finding some type of way to click with someone. What a beautiful thing it is, wanting to live, wanting to love. What a beautiful thing it is, living, loving."

So technically
You're four hundred miles,
Give or take forty three,
Away from me,
But the distance doesn't feel so large or wide,
When I think of your smile
Or your voice
Or the things you say
Or the way you laugh.

We share the same sky,
And as someone who believes in fate,
I believe in the phrase
"One sky,
"One destiny."

I remember looking up at the stars
From my window one night
And I guess I thought,
"If we're under the same sky,
We can't be that far away."

And as the sky clears up
And I close my eyes and try
I can still feel your fingers
Laced between mine.

There's a funny part about life
That you only notice
When you've seen hellish things
At too young an age.
When you tell your therapist(s)
"Oh, I'm only 21."
When they ask your age,
And then they shake their head
Because
"That's too much for you to have
Been through
At such a young age."

And then he asks
"When did the __ happen?"

And you respond with
"Well, there were multiple. Lasted over a span of five years."

His eyes go wide,
"How do you trust anyone?"

"Trust? Ha! Not anymore, sorry bud. I'm just honest."
I laugh, trying to sound lighthearted.
I sound cynical.
I sound bitter.

But this was two weeks ago.

And today suddenly
Trust is coursing through my veins
And I'm confused, and concerned
Because I don't get attached.
I don't let people in.
I stopped doing that a long time ago.

First person in three years that I let in,
Left without a good bye.
Then the first person I let in
In seven ****** years
Tried so very hard
To shatter me like the glass he thought I was.
Silly little boy,
Silly little, foolish boy,
I am not glass.
I am iron,
I am steel,
I am petrified bone
That will break your fist
If you try to break me.

And now, the person I trusted
And let in
About eleven years ago in September,
Is the person I am letting in
Once more.

And it's different this time.
We're not kids.
It's not platonic,
It's not looking at each other
On a bad day and thinking
"Thank God, my friend is here. Everything is okay now."

Instead we're adults,
And it's miserable.
And it's romantic but fun,
And it's looking at each other on a good day and thinking
"Dear God, am I lucky."

It's like even on fairly clear days,
Everything is a little brighter.
A little more colorful.
All weights
A little lighter.

And these things you've seen
That I've seen
And that we've been through
It would destroy some people,
But I truly believe
That having been through hell and back
Heaven can't be too far off,
Especially not when heaven
Is being held in your arms.

Lots of tears
Lots of panic
Lots of being
Wary. But!
I refuse to let one
Or two bad experiences
Make me miss out on
A life with you because
I love you. I just do.

Your laugh, your smile,
Everything.

I can't think of something I don't
Just love.

My ease when it comes to speaking to you
No forethought,
No pressure of judgment
It's like being able to breathe
Cold fall air
After muggy summer swamp air
For three months straight.

But then you said it back.
Wait, back up.
You said it back.

And you've said it to me at least
Five times today and it's only
6:55 PM (as I wrote out the rough draft to this)

And we can still speak
About everything from life to games
To geekery to the most lovely aspects of life and
I've been pretty happy at the most
For awhile,
But I'm flying.

I'm flying with you,
Bluebird.