Once upon a time; in a land so far away, there lived a girl who suffered in silence and fed on the decay.
A hopeful heart so withered and lost with not much left to give.
This is the story of my madness and my fight to find the will to live.

I am standing here on the ledge
Watching the rocks slowly crumble beneath my feet
I’ve never felt as alone as I do right now
I am isolated, trapped in my own hell
Oh what a pathetic site I must be
You’ve done this to yourself, you know
It’s your fault and you must pay
And pay I will
Let’s take it back a bit
Maybe then you’ll understand
I’ve done this to myself
This was done by my own hand
Something calming has been taken, and now the river runs rapid
I have no choice, no voice, no sound set of mind
I am alone in the madness that has been building for some time
My heart aches so deep that I can feel it clawing through my skin
I guess it will do anything to get out of this prison that it’s in
Farewell dear heart of mine
You were faithful till the end
But love has fallen and failed us
And I don’t think that it will mend
This time the cuts too deep
Neither thread, nor twine can mend this hole
So I bid you adieu…
Farewell my dear loveless soul
I don’t think I can go back
There’s no other way out but down
I’ll take one final breath and then just wait to drown
My foot is over the ledge
One more step and then it’s done
I have no other option
No sorrowful song left unsung
I am at “piece” now
I can’t be hurt anymore
I hope no one ever finds me
I hope my body never washes ashore
Trapped in the bottom of this river, until the end of time
For once, you don’t get a say
This time the choice was mine

One winter’s night under the cold December moon
I woke from my slumber to a mournful tune
It crept from my ears and down the hall
But when I followed it nothing was there at all
So I peered out the window just in time to see
A pale silhouette sadly smiling at me
As her song grew louder, my ears began to ring
And I found that it was mine, not her song to sing
So I stealthily slipped out the creaking front door
And began to follow her to her kingdom by the shore
Water rising to my waist
Arms spread out like a dove
Bellowing my melancholy plea for her love
Only to find silence as the blood began to pour
She sang one last tune, “never more, never more”
It was then and only then that my eyes did see
It was my reflection that had been smiling back at me
She rushed up and whispered ever so silently
“This is how you make it. Don’t you want to be free?”
Laying on my back with my head just barely afloat
I let the waters take me as my body began to bloat
This is it now.
This is all I’ll ever be.
Forever to be trapped in MY kingdom of the sea.

The holidays are coming fast and my heart sinks as I count down each day.
Replaying every memory, every smile and every **** Christmas song you’d always play.
I can’t imagine the holidays without you.
I did not hang any lights or pick out a Christmas tree.
There are no presents or the smell baked goods, like there use to be.
I did not hang any stockings or leave any cookies for old Saint Nick.
The holidays are coming fast and I hope that they end quick.

Every memory lingers under the patches I made to the wall
Every wound hides under the new layer of skin
Every heartache I ever felt is inside this tiny box
Every tear fills this river that I’m swimming in
And if you know me well, you know that I can’t swim
So I just wade around a while, trying to keep to where I can touch
Screaming for help
Choking on the water
Gasping for air
You are nowhere to be found
“Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?”
Nothing…
The sun is shining and the birds are singing, but the sky is grey and silent
The water tosses me into the rocks
What’s a few more scars between friends?
And hell, what’s a pint of blood between enemies?
Anything for you my dear, anything for you
You smile that smile
The one that makes me weak
And under I go
My little box in hand
Together we sink, until we hit bottom
Bottom was a long way down
But after preparing for it for a while now, we’re finally here
What a dump
So this is home?
This is all that’s left?
This is what I get?
Things were always better when you were around
But since you’re gone I guess I’d better get used to it
Being alone that is…
I wonder if there’s any room left in that box for me…

A part of me loves with all of my heart

A part of me hates right from the start

A part of me hides with secrets of the past

A part of me cries for that love that will last

A part of me longs for the passion I once knew

A part of me recoils and only opens to few

A part of me hopes for a brighter tomorrow

But the part that is hidden drowns that with sorrow

A part of me reaches for your loving embrace…

But turns and runs in fear, leaving no trace

A part of me stumbles on words held so high

A part of me wonders if there are any as lucky as I

A part of me trusts….

While A part of me grieves…

So the part you see smiles…

While the other deceives.

Try as I may to forget, it still creeps inside.
Like poison, I can feel it coursing through my veins.
It burns like ******.
It’s eating me alive.
She asks me if I’ve been using my techniques.
She tells me everything is fine.
She tells me to try to remember when it creeps in, that it’s only in my mind.
Easier said than done, when the nightmares that haunt me are real.
Grabbing me and holding me down.
They’re screaming in my ear.
Tap, tap, tap, “hello? Are you still there? We will always find you. We will always be right here.”
Tap, tap, tap, “hello? You can’t ignore us for long. We will only get louder. You know you aren’t that strong.”
Bang, bang, bang, “GET UP! SHES HERE! THE TIME IS NOW!”
Hello again, my unwanted friends…
I’ll silence you, somehow.

I looked at you, looking at her and my heart winced.
Everything I had held onto so tightly was slipping away.
The tighter I clung, the more you danced around my fingers…
Just barely out of my grasp.
I would have given you everything, you know.
In fact, I did.
I gave you all of me.
Every last piece.
Every time you broke, I gave you another piece of me to fill your wounds.
Stitching up your pieces and putting you back together again, and again.
You left yesterday.
You left and went to her.
I can’t help but to scold myself.
I knew.
Of course I knew.
How could someone like me ever be loved?
How could someone like me ever be good enough?
Now all I have are gaping wounds and memories of our love.
6 years I loved you.
Now I don’t even recognize myself.
There’s nothing left to recognize."

I loved you with a fiery passion but I always seem to forget that you are a fish.
My dear sweet Pisces.
Try as I may to cauterize our wounds you never fail to swoop in and extinguish the flame

You were like a breath of fresh air in a room full of poison.
You saved me, gave me mouth to mouth.
Checked the EKG to be sure that everything was fine.
I guess you should have gotten an x-ray.
Maybe then you could have foreseen the internal bleeding.
Maybe then you could have saved my soul.