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Brianna Nov 2023
Dread fills my stomach and I’m puking in the bathroom before dinner. I know they are all outside talking loudly.

There is so much food at this table and everyone thinks the fat girl will just gorge and eat herself to death.
But I’m starving myself.
I’m punishing myself for weight I can’t lose fast enough.

I know you all are staring.
I don’t need the comments - I say them enough to myself daily.
I don’t need your frustration - I have enough of my own.
I don’t need the comparisons and the comments of how beautiful they are and how disgusting I am.

And while you claim you’ll never think that I know you do- deep down.
I hear it in the “oh you look nice today”
I hear it in the “a little walk won’t hurt”
I hear it in the “we just want to make sure you’re happy and healthy.”

The stigma-
All fat people are unhealthy- let’s be honest, I’ve had my body examined more than you and I’m in perfect health.
All fat people are lazy- while you’re sitting in your house all day I’ve been hiking and running around like a chicken without a head just fine.
All fat people do is eat eat eat- I had one plate you had 6.

Dread fills my stomach & my anxiety is running high -
Who the **** made holidays a time to hang with family ?
Lost Soul Mar 2019
drip... drip ..drip
feel the cold water
hit your empty stomach
just take little sips
stomach growls lull me to sleep
i don't like a full stomach
i don't care that it makes me weak
i don't see a cookie
i see 120 calories
22.8 g carbs, 14.4 g sugar
this is my daily life I'm not a rookie
water has zero grams
of sugar,carbs and calories
so I drink water
i have water for dinner
and for a snack
i avoid the scale
i don't weight myself anymore
cause it makes me feel more like
a beached whale
i don't eat breakfast
i eat one meal at 3pm
some people notice so
i just lie and say I'm fasting...
Lost Soul Oct 2018
Eat
sometimes i dont eat
the longest i've gone
is three weeks
i lay in bed ,my stomach in knots
cant stand up too quickly
dont wanna see spots
my body failed me again
bile came, hunger left
i cant quite remember when
water is my only friend
it soothes the hurt
acid reflux temporarily ends
water runs down my throat
when i move, it sloshes in my belly
sound like waves against a boat  
heartburn comes at night
my body and brain are at war
im kept awake while they fight
headaches come back
it hurts to open my eyes
i know its from the calories i lack
when i can handle a taste other then bile
i eat and eat , i'm called a pork chop
i know its a joke so i hide the pain with a smile
if only they knew
how i hate my body
and the pants sizes i blew
but its something i keep to myself
no need to bother someone else
its not like am a fragile doll on a shelf
....or am I ?

— The End —