Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Cradling beliefs with no foundation in reality.
Alone in a mind of oil
Staining all who brave my touch
Familiar faces soaked in anxiety
They stare with memories I long to forget
These glossy eyes that fear closing... moving.... shifting.... seeing...
Worlds will fall
Perceptions will alter
These words are caught in my throat
Festering
How do I say hello?
How do I keep the conversation going? Are they staring at me because they know I'm not normal. Can they see my disfigured soul hiding beneath this skin?
This deformed skin....
Do they notice that I am an imposter?
Do they see how I react alien to how they do? How I second guess each expression.
Words fall from my eyes without allowance.
The connection isn't there.
I Stare down
I drown them with every glance.
Words falling.
Flooding.
Making oceans of unspoken phrases.
Needs.
They breathe me in.
All the words I've never spoken.
They drown in my illusions.
And run away like mad men.
To a world I cant seem to be a part of.
Trapped in a mindset of fantasy
Oil drowns me, and dilutes my words.
Taking away who I am.
My words are my life.
But I cannot speak them.
No one will ever know.
And I will never tell them.
I am Drowning in illness.
________
An older poem I never posted.
After 2 years of therapy, I finally feel like I'm past this. I'm in a place I NEVER thought i could be at and I am learning to love my life, myself, and others better.
