I'm making a promise to myself, that this year will be different.
No longer will I prioritize those who do not care about my mental health. This year I will learn to put myself first, because self care is NOT selfishness, it's necessary.  
And I deserve it.  
I will love myself MORE than I fear abandonment, and I will NOT shrink myself to fit inside anyone's expectations of who I'm supposed to be.
I make a promise this year to be loud and bold and unapologetically myself. A promise that I will speak my truth, even if some might find it uncomfortable or hard to hear.
I will own every choice I make, and I will never again be controlled or manipulated into forgetting the boundaries I've set.
I promise that this year I will finally implement all the lessons that life has been teaching me.
2024 is gone
But this is not a "New year, new me" post.
Rather this is a
"New year BETTER ME, HEALED ME, HAPPY THRIVING HEALTHY ME" post.

This year I will stop questioning my worth, because I recognize I was searching for it in all the wrong places, mainly in other people.
I will never again forget my worth, because now I remember where it lies. Not outside, but within myself. I am a complete person, and never again will I stay in relationships that harm my mental emotional and spiritual self, just to avoid the loneliness.
I will stop accepting half *** people who only offer breadcrumbs. I promise to be content in myself and who I am. I make this promise to myself that I will remain happily unattached romantically, until someone comes along that does not expect me to complete them, or fix them or baby them, because they too know they are a full, complete person, all on their own.
I will not enter into any relationship unless it is because, as two whole people, we want to share eachothers fully established worlds. Not to complete or fix
eachother but to simply enjoy eachother.

I promise to never forget the hurt, the pain, the loss, and all the lessons from the past few years. But I also swear to myself not to live in those memories any longer. I have allowed my past to spoil
FAR TOO MUCH
of my present already, and I refuse to allow it to take anymore.
I finally learned what life has been trying to teach me. I finally understand why no matter how much of myself I gave away, in hopes it would bring me the love I was desperately searching for, it would have NEVER been enough.
I was giving myself to the all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons.
I promise to forgive myself for that aswell.
I promise to not allow any unhealed people to hold my heart, because I've learned my lesson about that one. Never again will my heart be trusted to anyone who is not intouch with their own.
And although that means I am going to lose people I had thought were going to be with me forever, I will not let that break me. I will remember the good times with the people that forced me to lose them, but I will also keep the lessons from all the bad times.
I will pick MYSELF up this time, and dust off my past MYSELF.
This is going to be more than just a new chapter in the same old dusty book of me, this is the second volume. Its my part two, where the truth is revealed,  that the HERO
I've been waiting and searching for this entire time, was me, all along.
THIS is my PROMISE  to myself, and always remember, I DONT BREAK MY PROMISES.

~
January 2025
HP Poet: Rob Rutledge
Age: 35
Country: UK


Question 1: A warm welcome to the HP Spotlight, Robert. Please tell us about your background?

Rob Rutledge: "Hi, thank you for having me. I’m Robert Rutledge. I’m 35, the youngest of three boys (sorry mum), born in the south of England to Irish parents who emigrated to the UK just before I was born in the late 80’s. At nine years old we moved to Manchester in the north of England where I would find a love for music, literature and general mischief before moving back down south in my 20’s. Where I have been creating mischief ever since."


Question 2: How long have you been writing poetry, and for how long have you been a member of Hello Poetry?

Rob Rutledge: "I started writing poetry in secondary (high) school, I was really lucky to have some excellent English and Drama teachers who made it an easy subject to love. But like everything it was a journey, one very much entwined with my love for music and lyrics. At some point or another I realised I enjoyed playing with words, annoying everyone around me with puns and questionable jokes. Poetry became a natural extension of that while also providing an invaluable creative outlet. At home we had a framed poster of IF by Rudyard Kipling which seemed to mean something new every time I read it and really helped my appreciation of the written word. I often found the same joy in coming up with a riff on guitar as writing a stanza that I thought sounded epic and quickly realised there was a lot of crossover with rhythm, themes and metaphors between poetry and music.

I joined Hello Poetry in 2012 and have seen many ups and downs with the site but I also found an incredibly welcoming community, and I can say with all honestly if it wasn’t for the kindness and feedback of users here I doubt I would still be writing today."


Question 3: What inspires you? (In other words, how does poetry happen for you).

Rob Rutledge: "Inspiration can come from anyone and anywhere but more often then not I find a single line or two may come to mind. Most of my work will contain a nod or a reference to a line that I’ve either borrowed or downright plagiarised from a book, a song, a rhyme and I use that as starting point. Iain M Banks is one of my favourite authors so when I’m struggling for inspiration I will pick up one of his many excellent books and will find a beautiful phrase or image that I can use as a starting point."


Question 4: What does poetry mean to you?

Rob Rutledge: "Poetry to me is an opportunity to create, to convey a piece of myself and share it with the world. To have made something of meaning even if it only means anything to me. A painting on the wall of the cave, a contribution to the world and something that says I was alive. Its the art of putting emotion into words and if I can impart that feeling to even one person the way other poetry has made me feel then it’s even more worthwhile."


Question 5: Who are your favorite poets?

Rob Rutledge: "I tend to love poems rather than poets the notable exception would be William Butler Yeats. There is something about the romantic idealistic nostalgia of his writings that has always spoken to me. The juxtaposition of his Anglo-Irish heritage hits close to home and I think is reflected in his wistful writings. T.S Eliot, William Blake and H.P Lovecraft (only his poetry, not a very nice chap) deserve honourable mentions as well, Eliot references feature heavily in Iain M Banks’ work and helped bridge my interests between literature and poetry."


Question 6: What other interests do you have?

Rob Rutledge: "Other than Poetry, Music is my jam both playing and going to gigs / raves, I love everything from classical to jungle and everything in-between. I also enjoy computer games and sci-fi in particular. I used to play a lot of Rugby."


Carlo C. Gomez: “Thank you so much Robert, we really appreciate you giving us the opportunity to get to know the person behind the poet! It is our pleasure to include you in this Spotlight series!”

Rob Rutledge: "Thank you for the opportunity."




Thank you everyone here at HP for taking the time to read this. We hope you enjoyed coming to know Robert a little bit better. I most certainly did. It is our wish that these spotlights are helping everyone to further discover and appreciate their fellow poets. – Carlo C. Gomez

We will post Spotlight #24 in February!

~

The stains of the past are still there
Like the marks of a coffee cup on the tablecloth
Identifying us for who we are
Teaches us to use a saucer
Our gained knowledge
before leaving more stains

A new year begins
Now we have a chance to start again
This time with more understanding and experience
To guide us through our next trial
Wishing us all the
Success,
Happiness,
Joy
May these future memories last forever
Like the past ones