Focus on me.

Me

    Me

       Me.

Look at me!
Look at my flaws!
See how my hips flare!
See how my skin glows so dully in the moonlight!
See how my eyes mock every word that falls out of my chapped lips!

Look at me!
Because it's been a while since you've seen something so worthless.

Oh?
So you want to play that game?
Well.
Let me tell you dear,
I'm not as stupid as you might think.
Because I've been played before,
And I have no intentions of playing with
Or being played by
Someone as pathetic as you.

I have two people inside of me-
    Heart
and
    Mind.

Mind shows me truth,
Heart twists my perception.

Mind is my reality,
Heart is my fantasy.

Mind keeps me objective,
Heart forces subjection onto me.

However,
Neither Heart nor Mind
Can control
This drug I've found.

I've been using it for quite a while
Mostly in secret.

There are many forms of this drug.
I mainly use
Memories
and
Sensation.

Sensation burns,
Memories enhance the pain.
But I don't mind.
I like the pain.

It's addicting.
Unhealthily addicting
To the point where
I feel lethargic without it.

Can you guess what this drug is?
It's quite rare, actually.
However, it goes by many names.
But what I usually call it-
is *Love.

Hello.

When you think nobody's home
To hear you cry yourself to sleep
You don't hear.

When you think that nobody out there loves you,
While that person you've liked down the street dreams about you
You don't feel.

When you use yourself as a canvas
And become ashamed to show your work,
You don't see.

When you send that last text,
Write that last word
With your shaking hands
Tears
Trailing behind every letter
You don't know.

That I can see you.
That I can feel you.
That I can hear you.

Because I am you.
The real you.
The beautiful reflection
That you've somehow lost
Through years
Of dirtying your mirror.

i really hope my gut is wrong
i know my gut is right though

i wish something like hope didn't exist
its too fallible fickle im falling

You told me,
"No one understands."
I said,
"That's not true.
I do."
And you said,
"No.
You don't."

Who are you to say that?
Are you me?
Do you know what I've been through?
To the last two questions above,
you would say NO.

And yet,
You still say I don't understand,
That I'm in the dark.
Well, you know what?
I am in the darkness.
It's consumed me.
I haven't seen the light in ages.

So don't you dare think
That for even a second
You have the audacity to tell me
I'm the one that doesn't understand.

Hey, slow it down.

What have I done?
I've messed up yet again.

There might have been a time
When I would give myself away

Those nights when I would leave you right before you fell asleep
And come back to see you wake up
But then, I wasn't really seeing, now was I?
My eyes were replaced with different lenses
That I scratched and clawed at but could not break.

Yeah, it's plain to see
That baby you're beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you

Those lenses have long since fallen
Lubricated by melancholic tears
Lulled by the waves of irony that I still tried to hold onto
Because you were there
That one cay by this shipwreck of a human

It's me I'm a freak
But thanks for lovin' me
'Cause you're doing it perfectly*

I can't wrap my head around why you've stayed.
But you did.
You're still here.
And I'm honestly so indebted to you
Because you somehow see something worthwhile in this petty excuse of a person.
And--
God.
You're absolutely perfect.

my love,
continue with your unfiltered commentary,
ask your questions that pierce my heart because you know that i'm lying to you
ignore that i'm bleeding
just as i've ignored you as you have already bled to your death.
life no longer flows through your veins
as affection never really flowed through mine.

Some say
That one's eyes
Is a way
To see their true self.
Their
  emotions,
      thoughts,
           and
feelings.
But is it really so?

So many people
want to see
this.
They want to know.
They need to know.

For the phrase
"look me in the eyes"
is so widely used
yet
When we look
Do we really see?

Dear World,
I know I'm not perfect.
But no one is.
Don't enforce something that doesn't exist.
-Unsigned

I’m fine.
I really am.
Criticism doesn’t deter me.
It makes me get better in the end.
The ******* people say will make me have the last laugh.
The effort I’m putting in to push people forward is fine, everything’s fine. The sad look in my eyes doesn’t mean anything, I’m just in a fantasy where I can’t appreciate what I have.
Being treated as a number is fine, it’s normal.
I can deal with it. I've been dealing with it.
I’m fine being someone’s comfort, I’m fine with having to be happy for them
Even if I’m crying inside.
I’m fine with keeping these tears in when they threaten to spill.
I’m fine with receiving hate.
I’m fine with giving honest opinions
Yet lying if they hit too close to home.
I’m fine with being a ***** sometimes,
    it’s
        just
            who
                  I
                   am…
I'm fine....
      *Can you see through my lies?

Your voice was intoxicating, delicious;
Now, it's unnaturally sweet and dissonant.
I loved hearing it.
I loved hearing you.

But now, I'm not sure.
Because,
Our voices together,
No longer make
What was once
The most beautiful orchestra.

Dear World,
Is that gun necessary?
-Unsigned

Dear World,
You always tell me to be myself.
But how can I be if you don't accept it?
-Unsigned

ive always been told to make sure i dont rely on people
i need to make sure i rely in myself
i need to make sure i can take care of what i need to do
and cast aside what's irrelevant

and i completely agree
and ive slowly started to condition myself to do so
i hope im successful

its kind of hard though now
when advice with good intentions backfires like that

i dont rely on people, yes, that is true
but i have problems trusting people when they trust me
i dont know how to stop concealing because when i finally want to open these pages i cant seem to break through its spine
i cant seem to figure out the right things to say until after the brass shells have dropped to the floor

success ***** for once

Dear World,
Why are some of the greatest people
Taken away so quickly?
-Unsigned

You are
The reason I cry
The reason I laugh
The reason I smile
The reason I frown.

You are
The reason
I feel this dread
And this utter happiness.

You are the reason
My heart beats
Just a little faster
And the reason
It stops.

And for many other reasons unknown but you,
You
Are the reason I love.

Sun shines through the cloud
Rays pierce through floating liquid
Ravishing the sight

You were the one thing I didn't want to lose.
The one thing I must never forget.

But see-
This beast had overcome me
as the dementia overcomes you, too.

My body feels like it's constantly about to collapse
But somehow I still have the strength to keep going.

Your smile is true
But your words are a lie.

Please listen.
Listen to me

Even if you say you won't.
Even if you say you can't.

That poison
you direct at yourself
You don't deserve.

Those cuts,
Those scars you think no one sees
Are as bright as the moon on a clear evening.

They show your poison,
They show you screaming,
"I need someone
I need someone
To protect me
From myself
Because I've lost all control."

"I need a wall to lean on.
A shoulder to cry on.
An ear willing to listen."

I will be your ears,
And I will listen
To every single word
You are willing to pour out.

I will be your shoulder to cry on,
Your wall to lean on
when your poison overflows
and makes you weak.

I may not be right next to you
When you are overflowing with poison,
Your demon forming,
But
I will always be with you.
I will always support you.

I will help you let out your demon
That's formed from lies
And I will dispose of the poison
Oozing out of your pores
And rolling off of your tongue.

So please,
Even if you think you're alone
You're not.
I'm here.
I'm listening
And I'll do everything
To rid you
Of the poison flowing through your veins
Injected by others,
And produced by yourself.

Dear World,
Why is money a shield?
-Unsigned

Don't mind me as I sit here
Hiding what I really want to say to you
And replacing it with what you want me to say.

Just because you're healthy
doesn't mean you're healthy.

What if
You had to destroy
The one thing
You brought to life?

Am I okay now?
Sometimes, it's just hard to tell
How I'm feeling
Even to myself.

I can no longer jump over the bar and I'm sorry

Valentine
Is what I wanted to call you
But didn't.

I don't want to
Feel this way,
But I just can't.
And I don't know why,
But I can't stop thinking about you.

Do you do the same for me?
Probably not.

Music speaks when words can't.
Isn't that ironic?

There's supposed to be light at the end of the tunnel
But I've been looking
And it's not there.

Someone, please help me
I can't seem to find
The light
That's supposed to be at the end of this tunnel.
Is it just a lie?
Is it just a delusion?

It seems quite common
For people
To wish
And hope
For things
That are undeniably
Too far away
To grasp.
Even if it's close,
Oh so close,
It's just a tease
A mirage
And it strays away
Yet again.