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AJ Jan 2015
me? capable of holding on? please.
I let go before it reaches two months.
I run away before I could ever possibly love someone as much as they could love me.
I used to think it was so easy for me to love,
but no.
it's not.
I will chase you.
chew you up.
make you think I'm head over heels for you,
kiss you until you're addicted,
then I'll spit you out,
heartbroken and confused.
I'm toxic and worthless.
I'm scared.
this is why I spend my days ******* around,
and I haven't even lost my virginity.
I'm toxic and worthless.
stay away from me, won't you?
because it may seem like they're the ones who hurt me,
but that's far from the truth.
I'm the ones who hurt them.
get out
AJ Jan 2015
Touch me all over, let your fingertips gently brush over my skin, making parts of me come alive I never knew was possible.
Breathe in my scent, with your lips pressed against my neck, spreading a spark of electricity through me so vibrant I inhale sharply.
Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, until your name is escaping my mouth and the taste of it is burned onto my tongue, with no want of ever leaving.
I don't believe in anything more than a rare Friday spent with a temporary boy
  Jan 2015 AJ
Hopeless Wonderland
They scream louder this time
There's nothing I can do
I am everything they never wanted
It's so clear to me now

Pulsing music from my iPod
Drowns Their voices out
I know that wont stop the fight
Just from you hearing it

I cant help but think of when they were happy
I wonder if it was my fault
If I had just been beautiful
Mom would have tried to halt
If had gotten straight A's
Dad would have cared
Instead of hurting me

I've tried so long for them to see
All I've ever wanted them to be
What every other family always had
But my cries and pleas have only left me
Hopeless, Broken, Sad

Once again I open that drawer
I sadly know to well
Grab that blade
To solve everything
At least for now
I lift my sleeve
Just one cut
I close my eyes shut

One tear slips down my vulnerable face
Then the flashbacks
Once again
Of the times where my father made sure I knew
No one will ever want me

I let that blade break through my skin
I hope to God that I'll eventually be okay
My old life
AJ Jan 2015
#1
I mistook lust for love
when you brought me flowers picked from your mother's garden,
but I thought it was an invitation to your bedroom,
so the next night I stayed over and left marks on your back.
I found some ramblings scribbled in my notebook, this is the first one
AJ Jan 2015
I watched my mind float up into the clouds one day, just as I was chewing on my pen during class.
1:06pm, one hour and thirty four minutes until I was out,
but my head had other ideas instead of working out the problems on my math assignment.
My mind bounced and swam and floated through the clouds, looking for whatever memory it could find of you before you were completely gone.
It got glimpses of your dark eyes in the sky,
glimpses of your lips leaning in closer to meet mine and
I swear the pain of the memory made me cry out "come back, come back!"
But it kept digging deeper, looking closer, until I could smell the husky scent of you, a mix of pine, and old car.
I dug my fingernails into my palm, but the pain was replaced by the feel of your arms wrapped around me.
Come back.
The next thing I know it was still 1:06pm, there were dents in my palm, and you were gone.
"in some way, everyone relives a memory of someone when they're gone." something I heard once.
AJ Dec 2014
You fell for the worst possible girl you could ever fall for.
You fell for the girl who feels annoying in every situation, no matter what she is told.
You fell for the girl who wings her eyeliner so sharply you can't imagine her without it, but **** you want to.
You fell for the girl who teases you so terribly you're left breathless, no matter if you're inches from your cell phone screen or inches from her lips.
You fell for the girl who reuses cigarette packs, not only because she's underage and steals them, but because she feels naked without the beat up pack she's always owned.
You fell for the girl who digests the silly pop punk songs she listens to and rants about them until all she can think about is the Neck Deep lyric "I always pictured myself as being someone you'd miss."
You fell for the girl who refuses to meet you in the eyes because she sees the universe while she's not even the world.
How could you have fallen for her?
You shouldn't have fallen for me, I don't believe in love
AJ Dec 2014
Have you ever noticed
that the only place
something white
isn't useful
is in a crayon box?

Where black
is our most
favorite color
to touch?
Always adding
something,
somewhere?
overheard political conversations on christmas
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