the way i smiled outside
is the opposite of how i cry inside
the pain left me hanging
i couldn’t take it anymore
the pressure they all gave me
the thoughts and misconceptions
the society fed me
kept being toxic
all my efforts
were nothing but trash
i seemed unnoticed
and silently i waited for someone
to hear how much myself peaked at
that metal mask that hides
my identity
i talked about my flaws
at the mirror
shouting how much
sorrow i’ve been through
seeing my bloodshot red eyes
kept me wondering
am i that pitiful?
i am that small thing
in the big perfectionist world
i couldn’t accept myself
so i torn it apart
and left every bits and pieces
of the real me
i kept using all these
makeups skincare pills
just to hide the past
but it wasn’t enough
the expectations were as high as the skies
and i was on earth
i put all my best
but it still wasn’t enough
the oceans in my eyes
shows how much i’ve suffered all throughout
the years of judgement in the pits of hell
i am sorry for being sad
been always sorry
will always be sorry
for being who i am.

for every carving that he made unto my skin,
it bled out words that turned the spotlight
unto him;
and each and everyday,
my identity would grow thin,
was I really who I am,
or just a sculpture that his hands held
in between?

I didn't want to fool myself
but my mind was a traitor,
and I was its slave,
who was stupid enough to allow myself to be betrayed.

No matter how much the
Sun loves the Moon,
No matter how honestly,
   gently and genuine,
Half of the Moon shall always be
Hidden from the face of the Sun.

How can emptiness be so heavy?